Euphoric Love | Jeongguk Fanfiction

Epilogue 6: Love you, Goodbye.

The scene is uncomfortable . Crying faces holding onto even more distraught figures. Figures that belong to my brothers. All dressed in black attire that mirrors the darkness they feel in their hearts. Sadness truly has a way of coming when you least expect it. Among the three, Taehyung stands the most calm, considering the circumstances. Seokjin looks broken and Namjoon replicates that.

To watch Jeongguk comfort my mother is a sight I had never imagined. Even if I did, nothing could ever come close to the heartbreak I see when looking at her. She does not wail as loudly as everyone around her, but her tears fall. Silently they move down her rosy cheeks leaving me to wonder if she'll ever be able to recover from this pain.

During the week we had received a call from the private hospital in Busan. Father had passed away in a car accident. The one to answer the unfortunate call happened to be Jeongguk. The way he looked at me when he heard the words was similar to the way he looked at me when Grandfather had passed on. Then, I did not cry much. But with the passing of my father, I could not find it within myself to shed a tear. Jeongguk was worried.

All week I seeked no opportunity to cry. I needed me to be strong, not for my sake, but for the sake of my newly born baby. Only a few weeks old and having no memory of my father. I could not let Bell be born into sadness. Jeongguk tried to keep her busy, urging  me to feel, but there was only so much he could do.

Taehyung avoided me, only calling to finialise funeral plans. Even then his voice lacked the warmth and love he always had. I tried to talk to him, but all he did was shut me out. Seokjin had tried to support our Mother whilst Namjoon helped me plan Fathers funeral. Out of all my brothers, Namjoon was the only one who openly expressed his sadness.

Jeongguk dealt with all business, cancelling all meetings that could possible be new business ventures. I was grateful somebody could still hold the fort at the company. Every night he reminded me of how proud Father would be of the women I'd become, but I could not see it.

I still don't. With all of the events I've attended and the lavish lifestyle I grew up in, I never remember myself ever having a deep relationship with my father. He gave me a good life, but I never felt like his daughter. It was easy for my brothers to cry, but I couldn't help but feel that my boss had died and not the man that had raised me. Watching the scene feels like watching a movie, only the characters are my family.

"May his soul rest in peace." The priest speaks, pulling my attention back to the current events. Jeongsan stands beside me holding onto Nari. He passes me a soft smile while I clutch the sleeping baby to my chest.

"And may his family find peace in this world as they lose yet another loved one."

Grandmother starts wailing when his body is pushed into the furnace, her arms pull at Taehyung who tries to hold her back. His tears don't go unnoticed by me and neither do the chokes he heaves. My brother looks like a shell of who he is. There is only pain when I look at him.

Namjoon bares so much emotion, my ears tear up at the sight. He's supposed to be the strongest of us all. He's supposed to have it all under wraps. Watching as he clutches onto Yejin, I know he can't conceal anything right now. To him, the pain is real. Jins shoulders shake with grief as he holds onto Mother, her own tear stained face hides nothing as she cradles his head into her neck. To the both of them the pain is real and I envy the feeling because my eyes dry as soon as I turn to face the flames and I feel nothing.

"Soa, we should go." Jeongguk whispers, patting at my arm with a look of pity.

I nod, holding onto Bell as he guides me through the bodies that carry emotion I wish to convey.