Finding My Permanent Family

Chapter 40

Gabe would act like it were a task to fix my hair but we would both know he absolutely loves it. He would spoil me and I would revel in the attention that he seems to effortlessly give me. Like a starved dog begging for food scraps.

I set the hairbrush down and throw my hair into a messy bun. Then I take it back down because today I feel like hiding behind my hair. I check the time on the bedroom clock once more. 5:03.

I quietly walk to my closet, careful to avoid the creaky floorboards. I pull out the easy outfit of joggers and a t-shirt. Simple. Then I make my way over to the kids and begin the daunting toast of trying to quietly get them ready.

I start with Lily first. I gently pick her up from the bed and she instantly molds her small body to mine. I can feel the heat radiate off of her and onto my skin from how warm and comfortable she was. I walk to the bathroom and begin brushing her hair while she is still asleep. I grab a miniature tooth brush and brush each and every tooth she has in her mouth. By this time she is awake and giggling. It isn't loud enough to wake anyone up though.

Then I grab clothes from the close that fit her perfectly. I walk back over the bed and see Cameron has sprawled out over it and take all the space. There are toys in the corner of the room so I set Lily down on the floor and let her play peacefully for a while. Then I lay on the bed and pull Cameron until he is laying right by me. he snuggles up by me similar to the way Lily did. I rub his back and very slowly, those beautiful blue eyes open and I am able to see him fully. "It is time to get up and get dressed. We are going to go to the daycare early and fix the play situation." I whisper and his eyes light up in delight. This play means everything to him and I can't wait to see it. "Go get dressed and brush your hair and teeth, then we can leave." Before I even finish speaking he is jumping up and eagerly following my instruction. I sit back on the bed and let him get himself ready.

As much as I would love to baby him and do everything for him, that isn't how the real world works. If he wants more responsibility then I want to give it to him, within reason of course. A few minutes later he comes bounding back out and has seemingly forgotten about last night. Selfishly I hope he has. I don't want him to remember any of that.

I get out of bed and pick up Lily. She whines slightly when she realizes her toys aren't coming with us, but other than that she is okay. "Be quiet. All of the other people are sleeping." I tell Cameron quietly and feel bad. We are leaving and I don't want to wake them but it isn't out of consideration. I just want to escape without having to face them. I know it is selfish but I can't help it. I need time.

We make our way into the kitchen and I quickly grab granola bars and a banana for the kids, then usher them towards the door.  I make a quick pit stop and quickly write a note. They don't need to know where I will be but I want them to know I am safe.

I won't be going to school today. All of us are safe.

I open the door as quietly as I can and shut it even quieter once the kids are out. I don't have my phone since Owen-Mr.Blackbourne- still has it. Although I do know the way to the daycare.

I guide the kids down the long driveway and we begin our walk. There are two ways we could go. We could pass my house and it would only take 20 minutes to get there, or I could avoid my house and it would take 30 minutes. I look down and Cameron has a smile on his face while he avoids stepping in the rain puddles. We're taking the long way today I guess.

The whole time we walk I feel like one of the guys are going to pop out of nowhere and haul me back. One part of me wants them too, but I also know I can't forgive them easily. I don't even know if they feel bad about what happened.

We make it to the daycare and I have to summon strength that isn't really in my body. I don't have a choice though. We walk in and immediately Cameron runs over to the play area in the corner and I set Lily down by him. Then I sign both of them in and sit down in the waiting area. There are several other parents here and my anxiety begins to kick up.