A Million Pieces - Hunger Games (Catching Fire & Mockingjay)

Chapter 26

"You didn't seem to love the idea, though," Caesar presses.

"I didn't, no. I don't love the idea of frying people. But it was the Games. I understood that it was kill or be killed. And my allies were all for it," I explained. "I thought that Brutus and Enobaria would be gone. That Chaff, with no allies, would die somehow. Beetee is resourceful, but I didn't think he would be able to survive either. It was a matter of Johanna, Finnick, Katniss and Peeta. I don't think I would last long against any of them. I could only hope Finnick would be strong enough to survive."

"Right. But more than one tribute is alive. The Games did not go as usual. The rebels intervened, Sapphire," Caesar insists.

I take a moment to think. What could I possibly say, without selling myself and Johanna out, to keep Peeta safe, to not cost the rebels. The rebels. Those who escaped, those in District 13. They're safe. And Katniss would do anything to protect Peeta.

"Katniss must have understood something the rest of us, even Peeta, didn't."

Caesar raises his eyebrows, surprised. "What?"

My words take shape, and they make sense. "She was the one to blow it up. The rest of us were just trying to survive."

"But Peeta claims that he and Katniss knew nothing. That she just followed what she thought was Beetee's plan. And if only Katniss was involved in this, how do you explain Beetee trying to break down the forcefield himself?"

He's got me there. Out of the corner of my eye, I see that Snow is smirking. That's when I understand. Placing the blame on Katniss kills the Capitol's pity for her. It paints her into the enemy. And if I think about the rebellion for a second, the cause I was willing to die for, that I was willing to be captured for, like I am now, then Katniss must continue to appeal to the people of Panem. I do my best to backtrack.

"You're completely right, Caesar," I say. "I'm sorry, emotions are still running high, I'm still confused. Katniss didn't know anything. She was just scared, doing her best."

"So are you saying that you, Katniss and Peeta had no clue about any of this?" Caesar confirms.

I nod. There's no way I can include Johanna without derailing my whole point of view. She clearly knew what was going on, taking out Katniss's tracker. "I just feel sorry for Katniss, especially with the baby. I can't imagine what it's like for her to be away from Peeta. And same for him. They were both just trying to protect each other."

"That's quite true..." Caesar says, and I can see uncertainty flicker in his eyes. Snow must not look particularly happy. "And the war, Sapphire? Any thoughts?"

"The war..." I don't know what to say. Neutrality is my best bet. "I just hope that once it's over, Panem will be a better place for all."

"Of course. Thank you for this conversation. Sapphire Ayers, District 4!" Caesar flashes a smile, and the cameras turn off.

I've barely stood up when Snow lunges towards me, seething. "Miss Ayers, I don't think you understood me correctly. Peeta was allowed to portray Miss Everdeen as a victim, simply because he is her lover, and the Capitol would not understand the change of heart. You, on the other hand, were supposed to say the right things for the Capitol. You found your words, that Katniss was working with the rebels. You had no right to return to the pathetic image of her innocence. You may have fooled the people of Panem into thinking you were also clueless. But I know the truth, and you will be giving me every detail. You will say what I want you to."

I can't work up anything to tell him, but I think of Johanna, and I stand strong. Even as the guards drag me through corridors and push me into a cell. Peeta is in the cell on my left. I slip my arm through the metal bars. He catches my fingers, and we stand strong together.

The real interrogation, the one Snow had warned us about, begins halfway through the night. I have barely slept, and I can tell that I will not be resting for a very long time.

One of the guards - a huge man the others call Barrere - appears in front of our cells. I feel my heart seize with fear and I watch Peeta being dragged away from me. Neither of us resist. There is no way of escaping this. But Peeta begs me with his eyes to save him, and it's the thing I want most desperately in the world. I still haven't seen Johanna and Annie again. I whisper one last wish in my mind. I just want them safe.

Barrere and the others bring me to a small room. It is entirely covered in white tiles, from the floor to the walls to the ceiling. It's disorienting. Except on one wall, where there is what looks like a large window, but I can't see anything behind it, just my own reflection. One-way glass, I guess. The room is mostly empty, but in the center, there is a large chair. The guards bolt me into it, strapping down my wrists, ankles and waist.

"Last chance," Barrere says maliciously, and his words sound practiced. His grey eyes glint with glee and wickedness. He doesn't want me to give in, his job is to take care of me if I don't. "Will you tell us everything you know? Everyone involved in the rebellion? Most importantly, will you speak for the Capitol? Will you be our voice?"

I clench my teeth. "No," I say firmly, knowing I will never forget those evil grey eyes. "I won't."

I have usually tried to avoid thinking about torture. The Capitol has broken us emotionally, taken our children and killed our loved ones. That has always seemed painful enough. I didn't know anyone who had been physically tortured. I expect them to start slowly, to build in intensity. Instead, they dive right into the deep end.

At first, I see and hear everything. Then, the pain makes me blink in and out of consciousness. A metal cart, overflowing with instruments. Electrodes stuck to my skin. Water boiling, freezing, acid. Being shaken awake the second I start to drift off. Bodies, bodies all around me, bodies too close to me. Blades that look like the knives I used in the Games. Fire flickering towards me. Fire again and again. Between everything, I see Peeta, Annie and Johanna. Sometimes I have to watch them. Sometimes they have to watch me. Eventually it all blends together, and it just becomes pain. Pain. Never-ending.

Time becomes an unknown concept, but for an eternity, all I can hear is screams.