A Million Pieces - Hunger Games (Catching Fire & Mockingjay)

Chapter 29

Malila and Annie start coming in every day. They talk to me and repeat over and over again that Finnick, Coventina and Caspian never hurt them or me. I forget each time, but they continue reminding me and slowly it starts to imprint itself in my mind. A long line of doctors come see me, all asking questions, all telling me how hard they're working to make me better.

And then one day it's not Annie and Malila. It's Caspian.

I forget everything Annie and Lila told me, and I let out a shout of fear, backing up against my pillows in a struggle to move away.

"Sapphire!" Caspian starts to take a step forward, but thinks better of it. "I'm sorry."

I stare at him, clenching my sheets between my fingers, my heart pounding so loud it's the only thing I can hear. His face. It's right there. It's closer than it's been in days - or weeks? - since I woke up in Thirteen. I want to hide, but I can't stop staring. Something deep inside me is fighting, and wants him to be closer, so much closer.

But mostly, there's this insurmountable terror.

Caspian looks right back, his eyes glued on me. "I'm sorry," he says again, and because he seems like he'll break, I calm down. That's when Annie and Malila's words start coming back to me. I look at Caspian and I search for a friend. I can't find him.

The scariest part of this is that I've had to convince myself that everyone else is sane and telling the truth. I am the mad one. Thinking this makes me feel all the more crazy. I curl my legs to my chest, wrap my arms around them and bury my face in my knees. I want to hide, from him, from the conflicting feelings in me, from the doctors trying to wean me off the morphine.

Caspian must see this as an improvement to screaming because I hear him sit down in a chair, and he starts talking. "I should never have let them leave without you, I didn't realise, I didn't think-"

He stays there for what feels like hours, while my heart pounds and I fight the urge to sob and scream and run. When he finally leaves, I throw up, and then I fall asleep.

Apparently my response to Caspian's presence was encouraging, because next it's Finnick and Coventina who come in with Malila. Lila starts off by sitting next to her mother, but when I shut off completely, she sits next to me on the bed and pokes me in the side. She pleads me with her eyes. And it's Malila, so I can't refuse

I look at Finnick and Coventina as they speak, but I tune out what they're saying. I can hear their words but I don't listen to them. They don't leave until Lila has fallen asleep on my shoulder. Even then, they linger by the doorway, as if they want to stay longer or are waiting for me to say goodbye.

They start coming regularly, until they're here every single day. I see them lurking outside the hospital too, so I guess the doctors aren't letting them see me as much as they'd like. They talk a lot, unless it's late at night and they fall asleep in their chairs. I've learned to tune them out, to control my instinctive fear and just sit there and wait it out.

One day, Caspian's alone. He's telling me about something I'm not listening to, and I'm picking at my dinner. It's two slices of bread, a piece of meat cut into small pieces, and a questionable bowl of mashed vegetables. Next to it, there's a little container of pills. I've learned which ones relieve the pain and which ones send me into a sleep so deep the nightmares usually can't find me. I pick these out, leaving the ones that are supposed to give me energy, or nutrients, or whatever else. I place them carefully on the table, next to the cup of water, and start ripping the bread apart again so it's in tiny crumbs.

To my surprise, Caspian's voice reaches my ears. Only because it isn't laced with the usual fake cheerfulness. It's a tone of sadness, of defeat. "Sapphire, you've got to eat."

I look up at him. "Why?"

This stops him. He stares at me, stunned. He looks like he wants to say something, but changes his mind. This makes me shift uneasily - I shouldn't be able to read him so well, like I know him better than he does.

"Because you're not gaining enough weight," he says evenly. "The doctors are worrying."

I shake my head and look back down at my meal. "Who cares?" I say under my breath.

"I care," comes his immediate response.

I glance back up. He's leaning towards me, eyes earnest and pleading. A memory flashes. Caspian holding me on a train, kissing my tears away.

"Caspian!" I sob, but it sounds more like a strangled gasp.

He moves towards me, eyes alight with hope, and I'm waiting for him, arms outstretched. But when his fingers touch mine, something switches in me.

A cry of terror rips itself from my throat, and I stumble off the bed, knocking my dinner to the floor. Caspian's eyes are wide with alarm, and he says my name, but I'm looking for something behind me. I know where it is. It's right behind my bed. My hand hits the wall and searches desperately, eyes still fixed on Caspian, recoiling away from him. I find it. The red button that says "EMERGENCY" in big black letters. Without hesitation, I open the glass case that protects it and slam my hand down on it.

The alarm goes off. It screeches throughout the entire hospital wing of District 13, perhaps even further.

"He's in here!" I holler, hoping someone, anyone, will hear me.

Three doctors run in, along with Nurse Everdeen. She shouts something to Caspian, but with the noise, I can't make it out. Two of the doctors grab me by the arms, pushing me against the wall, and the third sticks a needle in me. I'm trying to talk, to ask for help, but my lips won't work and my tongue feels so heavy I think I'm choking. I sway on the spot, and the image of Caspian arguing with Nurse Everdeen becomes blurry. A doctor in front of me speaks and the other two lift me onto the bed.

Caspian calls out to me and I try to answer. To say anything. To say I'm sorry. But I can only see darkness.

A/N: If you're enjoying reading, please click the little star! It helps others find this story, and gives me some motivation. :)