A Million Pieces - Hunger Games (Catching Fire & Mockingjay)

Chapter 16

I am the first to wake up when Diana and Helen enter the room the next morning. I know Caspian will be embarrassed, so I quickly untangle my legs from his and sit up. I feel cold all of a sudden and I wish the night had never ended. Finnick opens his eyes a second after me and already they are filled with dread. He takes his time getting up, stretching out his long limbs.

"Good morning," Helen says softly.

I grab Caspian's shoulder and squeeze tightly. His eyes snap open, disoriented. It takes him a second to wake up, but soon he is alert.

"Time to say goodbye," Diana tells us, because it's clear someone has to.

Finnick takes Caspian to the side first. They talk quietly for a few minutes, and then share a tight embrace. They must hold each other for too long, because Helen makes a sound until finally they let go. Caspian's eyes are red.

Finnick pauses to ruffle my hair. "See you in a bit." He follows Helen out.

Diana stands by the door and turns around to allow us a few moments of privacy.

Caspian takes my hands in his and threads our fingers together. "Don't get killed in there, okay?" he says seriously.

"Finnick will never let me die quickly," I reassure him with a smile.

"Don't sound so disappointed."

"I should be worrying about you, Cas," I say softly.

He raises an eyebrow. "Why's that? I'm in the comfort of the Capitol."

"It isn't that much safer here," I tell him. I take a step closer, and look at him, really look at him. My eyes travel from his big ears to his dark hair to his freckled skin to his small nose to his pink lips and finally come to rest on his brown eyes. The words come blurting out. "Caspian, promise me you'll be careful."

"Sapph, what do I have to worry about other than you and Finnick?"

"Yourself," I say firmly. "Don't let your emotions control you. I know you care. Finnick knows you care. We all know you care. And we care for you too. But sometimes... you care too much. You don't think." I squeeze his hands insistently. "I know you're going to have to put yourself in danger. But I want... I need you to think every time you do. Ask yourself if it's worth it."

"Anything would be worth it to help my friends."

"Nothing is worth anything if you're hurt," I whisper. I know what I say next is low and manipulative, but I have to do everything I can to protect Caspian. "Cas, this might be my dying wish." His lips fall open with shock, like he can't believe I've played this card. "And even if it isn't and I get to come back, then I need you to be here. Please don't leave me just because you care. That's what Tali did."

My eyes are blurry and my voice is trembling, but I don't care. Caspian's eyes are welling with tears, but he nods and pulls me into his arms. I hold onto him and breathe in deeply. He still smells like District 4 - saltwater and the sun.

Then I pull away, because I know I can't stay. I take his face in my hands and I kiss his cheek. There's more I should say, more I should do, but I won't because it isn't fair to either of us.

"I love you," I tell him.

He places his hands over mine and leans down to kiss me back. His lips land at the corner of mine: far enough to be a mistake, but close enough to hope. Then he lets me go.

Mechanically, I follow Diana out the door. We're in the hovercraft and they're injecting me with the tracker by the time I realise I never even looked back. I press on the bump in my arm, and there's a twinge of pain.

Diana puts food and water in front of me, and I'm level-headed enough to drink as much as I can and eat a generous portion.

In the Launch Room, I shower and dress in a fitted blue jumpsuit and nylon shoes with rubber soles. It looks a lot like the outfit children wear in District 4 when they're just learning to dive, but this one also has a wide padded belt. It's strangely familiar, but I can't quite place it.

Diana braids my hair into the fishtail style, making sure it is out of my eyes. Then she holds my wrist and fiddles with my rope bracelet for a moment. When she pulls away, I see that she has woven a thick golden string through the twine. It isn't obvious, but I know what it means.

"Caspian asked for this," she explains before I can say anything. She knows more than she is letting on, but for her protection, I simply nod.

"Thank you," I tell her when she finally meets my eyes.

She nods, a smile on her face. "It's been my pleasure. Just show them those brains, okay, princess?"

I smile back. Then, a voice comes through the speaker and tells me to prepare for launch. Diana guides me over to the metal plate and squeezes my hands tightly. She steps back to let the glass slide down around me, and I suddenly wonder how many times she has done this. For how many children has she been the last person they see before entering the arena? How many times has she had to say goodbye in this very spot?

The plate begins to rise. The last thing I see are her fingers under her chin, gesturing for me to hold my head high. At the last second, I follow her instructions.

And then I am in the arena.