A Million Pieces - Hunger Games (Catching Fire & Mockingjay)

Chapter 5

I'm walking through the woods, searching, without knowing what for.

It's a beautiful place. Bright green foliage and grass. Vivid red, purple and yellow flowers blossom everywhere. Between the trees, I can see that the sky is a lovely blue and the few stray clouds are pure white and fluffy.

I'm looking at a beautiful songbird when I see her. Only a few feet away, her back to me. Her curly brown hair - the colour exactly like mine - is tied in a high ponytail. Her arena outfit is clean. Her arms are soft, with no traces of struggle or injury. My face lights up, but it's soon replaced by a frown. She had been struggling in the arena, she'd been in there for weeks, she was one of the last to die.

"Tali?" I call. She turns around, and a smile spreads across her face. She always had the most beautiful smile, and it made every person she interacted with feel special. But her smile for me was special.

"Sapphire! I love you so much, Sapphy," she says. She reaches her arm out to me, as if willing me to take her hand.

Then, without warning, the world seems to lose its colour. The sky and the clouds become dark. The leaves on the trees turn black. The flowers seem to be drained of their colours and are all replaced with variations of grey. Talise's eyes lose their joy. She drops her arm and takes a step back. But still, the smile stays on her face, gentle and loving.

Her eyes only leave mine for a split second to glance to her sides. I follow her gaze and my face contorts with horror. Fire everywhere. Flames flickering closer to Talise. When I look back at her, her smile is still there, soft and sad. I scream and try to run to her, to save her, to get her away. But it's as if some invisible wall stops me. I bang on it and shout for help, for her to come back. Her eyes fill with tears and she shakes her head sadly.

"I love you, Sapphire," she says quietly, but I hear her perfectly, even over the sound of crackling wood and burning leaves. "Live. Be happy."

"No! Tali! Stop! Come back!"

Her clothes are catching fire. She doesn't move as they creep up her body, slowly killing her. I push against the wall separating us, sobbing.

The flames engulf her, and the last thing I see are her stormy grey eyes, the exact replica of our mother's. The last thing I hear before I wake up screaming is her soft but insistent voice. "I love you, Sapphire."

"Sapphire! Sapph, it's okay," an urgent voice says and arms wrap around me. My breathing is short and irregular. My forehead is beaded with sweat.

"Sapphire? It's okay, I've got you," Caspian whispers soothingly. He pulls me onto his lap and I'm too much in need of comfort to be embarrassed. I bury my head into his shoulder and take deep breaths. Caspian rubs my back and kisses my hair. It's easier to calm down.

We stay tangled together until the heat of my body decreases, my breathing returns to normal, and I'm able to open my eyes without seeing flames. Then he pulls away ever so slightly, so that he can look at me.

"Sapphire?" he says softly. "Was it a new one?"

I shake my head. I had escaped this nightmare for years. "It was the same one it used to be. She died, Caspian. She died again. I just watched her burn. I couldn't get through the screen."

Years after the nightmare had first surfaced, I finally understand why I can't reach my sister. I understand what the invisible wall is. It's a television screen.

"I couldn't save her, Caspian. I was ten steps away and I couldn't help her. What kind of person am I? What kind of sister am I?" I whisper.

"It's not your fault, Sapphire," he whispers. "You're a good person. Talise would say the same."

"It's not going to be me, Cas," I whisper urgently, gripping his arm.

"What are you talking about?"

"Finnick said it's just a matter of who will get out," I continue, my words punctuated with gasps. "It won't be me, Caspian, it's not going to be me."

Caspian's arms tighten and he buries his head in my shoulder, his lips cool against my hot skin.

"I'm not going home," I sob. "I'm going to die."

I eventually drift off again, rocked to sleep by my sobs and Caspian's steady arms.

"You will come back, Sapph. I'll make sure of it. You'll both come back. No matter what."

It's a promise we both know he can't keep.