A Million Pieces - Hunger Games (Catching Fire & Mockingjay)

Chapter 45

There's a moment when I wake up in the hospital bed and I don't know where I am and I can't remember what happened. Then everything floods back. And although the memories aren't good, I'm relieved that I have them. The minutes of terror, of sobbing over my little sister's still body. Then, like the touch of an angel, the soft pressure of Malila's fingers under my coat, poking me in my ribs. Her left eye locking onto me as I cried with relief. Blind to the pain in my head and arm, managing to carry her to Caspian's side. Spotting Katniss nearby and frantically smothering her flames with piles of snow and throwing myself over her to keep her body warm, until medics swooped in and took over. Desperately trying to stop Caspian's bleeding by wrapping my scarf around his calf. Half-conscious, huddling with my arms around him and Malila, waiting for someone to help us. My vision going black just when three medics arrived.

After long weeks, I'm discharged from the hospital and I camp out in Malila's room instead of the suite in the manor that is offered to me. Auntie Tina has chosen to do the same, only moving from the couch in Malila's room to visit Caspian. I manage to crawl to his room once, but aside from terrible scarring on his leg that matches my arm, I'm assured he's fine. In Malila's room, I choose a large armchair and sit, watching her. After a few days, Annie comes in. She doesn't smile like she usually does. I move over and she squeezes into the chair with me. Our hands find each other and hold tight. It's a week before Caspian is allowed to leave his room and join us. He sits on the edge of Malila's bed until his body starts drooping and his leg goes purple, when his mother makes him lie down on the couch next to her. Within a day of his being here, Malila speaks for the first time. It's not much. Asking Caspian for water. But it's something.

We work in a sort of rotation. I move from the armchair to the couch, my leg pressed against Auntie Tina's while Caspian sits next to Annie. She puts her head on his shoulder and we don't see her face for an entire day. He rubs his hand up her arm and pretends she isn't crying. Then Annie takes my place and I curl up with Caspian, my head tucked under his chin. He thinks I'm asleep, but I'm not, and I feel every kiss he presses to the top of my head.

There's a silence that is deathly loud. A word unspoken. A person missing. For a family that is so close, we don't talk at all about Finnick. Annie, Auntie Tina and Malila all figured it out when they found only Caspian and me in the hospital. They haven't asked any questions.

It takes a couple of weeks for Malila to be able to walk around the room. She's blind in one eye and has to drag her right side along with her every step, but she jokes that she matches Caspian's new permanent limp. Immediately, she demands to be released from the hospital. The doctors and nurses refuse, but after two days of her pestering, complaining and convincing, they discharge her, and we finally settle in to the manor suite.

Within hours, I discover that Peeta and Johanna have their own rooms near ours. We sit together on the floor of a hallway and I tell them about Barrere. Peeta is calm and uninjured, and Johanna seems stable again. They don't tell me whether what I did was right, but I can tell they're here to support me. The next day, I find my way back to the hospital wing, determined to see Katniss. All I know is that she is alive. Nurse Everdeen stops me just when I reach the door. She is the one to tell me. Prim is dead. Kind, sweet Prim, who befriended Malila and let me hold her cat. Nurse Everdeen asks that I tell Lila. She can't bear it, especially knowing she was about to lead Malila into the same massacre that killed her daughter. She thanks me for the help I gave Katniss, for saving her daughter. I try to say that Katniss has helped me just as much, but she seems deaf to everything. I catch sight of Katniss laying motionless on her white sheets, and I turn around.

Telling Malila is impossible task, but I've completed my fair share of those, so somehow, I manage it. She seems to lose feeling in her entire body, as if all the bones keeping her up have melted. She cries for a long time and I carry her to bed. Exhausted, she falls asleep almost instantly, tears staining her cheeks. I convince Annie to join her, asking her to look after Lila. It's more than that, though. They will be the most help to each other right now.