A Million Pieces - Hunger Games (Catching Fire & Mockingjay)

Chapter 41

"No," I say instantly.

"Don't be ridiculous," Jackson agrees.

"I just murdered a member of our squad!" shouts Peeta.

"You pushed him off you. You couldn't have known he would trigger the net at that exact spot," says Finnick.

"Who cares? He's dead, isn't he? I've never seen myself like that before. Katniss is right. I'm the monster. I'm the mutt. I'm the one Snow turned into a weapon!" Tears streak down his face. I reach for him, but he moves away.

"Peeta, if you should die, then I should too," I say. "I fell apart. I might not have killed anyone, but I'm unreliable and burdening everyone."

Before anyone else can respond, Peeta says, "That's the other thing, isn't it? You were fine. You were okay and then I set you off. You'll be safer if I'm not here."

"No!" I shout, breaking composure.

He doesn't stop to argue with me, looking towards the others. "It's only a matter of time before I kill someone else. Maybe you think it's kinder to just dump me somewhere. Let me take my chances. But that's the same thing as handing me over to the Capitol. Do you think you'd be doing me a favour by sending me back to Snow?"

This makes every muscle in my body tense. He's right.

Gale comes to the rescue. "I'll kill you before that happens, I promise."

Peeta hesitates, but shakes his head. "It's no good. What if you're not there to do it?"

"Then I will," I say, and it's the truth. I will kill Peeta before letting him go back to Snow.

Peeta shakes his head again. "Same problem. I want one of those poison pills like the rest of you have."

"Me too," I say instantly, turning to Katniss. The thought of returning in Snow's grasp is suddenly all too possible and completely unbearable. I don't especially like Peeta having one, but I understand why he wants it. "I didn't get one."

Katniss looks from Peeta to me to Caspian, who is making an extraordinary effort to not say anything, although I can tell he wants to. "It's not about you," she says finally. "We're on a mission, and we need you on it." It's a lie, but she looks away, and it's clear the subject is closed. "Think we might find some food here?"

Caspian peels the top off a can of soup and hands it to me. He tucks the sharp lid away from me, which makes me purse my lips, but I put the can to my mouth and say nothing. Once we've sucked every bit we can from the cans, he breaks a cookie in half and passes each piece to me. I frown down at the dry biscuit.

"You always prepare food for me. Real or not real?' I ask.

Caspian goes unnaturally pink, even though we're tucked in a corner where no one is listening to us. He tugs at his ear. "Not real. I don't realise I do it. It started when you arrived in Thirteen. I couldn't get anywhere near you, let alone help you. But I could try to help you recover physically. I ended up preparing most of your meals, and I guess it's a habit now."

There's a stupid grin plastered on my face. I think of all the meals - half of which I didn't touch - in my hospital bed, how the meat and vegetables were always cut, the portions were always bigger than they needed to be. Caspian took care of me even when I hated him.

I lean over and press a kiss to his lips. I'm not used to this, much less in front of our whole squad, but I can't help myself. I'm rewarded with the smile he tries to bite back. But just then, the television flickers on again and our grins disappear. They display photographs of us, and then Snow's face appears. He is congratulating the Peacekeepers and completely defaming Katniss, when the picture changes again and it is President Coin on screen. She introduces herself and gives Katniss's eulogy, a rally to the rebels.