you really got a hold on me | john lennon

CHAPTER FIFTY NINE

February 26th, 1961

"Nat, c'mon now, wake up," George's soothing voice was the first thing that poked through my head. There was no telling how many hours had passed by since I was able to eavesdrop on the rather heated confrontation between John and George. All I knew now was that I wanted to continue sleeping off all this stress for much longer than George was allowing me to. "I need to leave for a gig soon and I won't be back until morning like you know. Me Mum's going to kill me if she figures out that I didn't wake you up to eat this entire time."

"Then it looks like yer aboutta get slaughtered by yer own Mum tomorrow." I grumbled back, pulling the blanket tighter around me.

Sleeping was the only way I found myself being able to escape my panicked state of mind without a little help of anything else. If it were only up to me, I would choose not to wake up for a long time. Hibernate just like those bears do in the winter time. The things I would do to be able to be unbothered and worry free for months on end. It was the much easier route now. Especially now that I was frankly through with convincing others that I was alright being strong time and time again. Being held on that high pedestal to be "tough" on the outside was almost as exhausting as what I kept on going through. But it was only right that I finally realized that I didn't want to just get this over with as quick as I could just to move on to the next adventure.

For possibly the first time ever, I actually had the strongest urge to just...run away. It was one of the most tempting ideas to be able to start anew and not have to struggle with anything else from John or whoever else I had a horrible row with here in Liverpool.

But like many seemingly perfect life-solving ideas I conjured up, it was quickly shut down. I could run away from my issues here or from John in particular for as long as I pleased. Settle down somewhere far, far away from here even. But I knew for me at least, no matter how hard I would try to forget about all of this—it would never provide me with that closure I always craved. And to properly move on from all this, closure was the most crucial thing I needed. Though I wasn't sure I couldn't even get that entirely with John being such a huge part of my life.

George gave out a huge sigh and I felt him repeatedly poke at my shoulder. "If ye aren't going to get up, then I'm going to bug you until you do. Because you need to eat something, regardless if my Mum if going to kill me or not." His pokes didn't hurt one bit but they were annoying, which I suppose was his entire point. That and the fact he was talking to me like a concerned mother hen.

"Jesus, Geo, alright," I shrugged off his poking and tossed the blanket off of me as I sat up on the sofa. I then brought my hands up to my eyes in an attempt to rub all the drowsiness out of them before I would do anything else. "How long have you been standing there just poking at me and telling me to wake up?"

George peered up at a clock on the wall before looking back at me. "Five minutes. Not that bad. I've had to handle worse. You aren't that hard to wake up despite your grouchy comments. C'mon, stand up before you fall back asleep or something." He extended both his hands for me to take as I stood up, my balance still slightly swayed.

Something that I took note of almost immediately was the loss of the intense throbbing of my legs and the pounding headache from hours ago had lessened to almost nothing. The soreness I was feeling from laying in the same one position for however long I was asleep came as a replacement—but that felt like nothing in comparison to the former. Sleeping all of this of the literal second I got to the Harrison household was certainly the best way to go, because I had no idea what I'd do if I would have to deal with all of that on top of everything I was already feeling. It might've really been the thing to drive me mad if that pain was still there.