you really got a hold on me | john lennon

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

September 19th, 1959

I was staring at the entrance of the Casbah, unsure if I actually was going to step in or turn on my heels and run the complete other direction. Coming here had been on my mind for quite a while, but not for Paul or John. After George had reminded me about the residency, I felt guilty for not coming at least once for him. He had done so much for me in the past few weeks that this would only be the least I could do in return.

Once I had mustered enough courage to actually walk up the stairs into the club, people were pushing and shoving past me to get into the door. And one shove was probably a little too hard for comfort - as it landed me falling flat on the pavement.

It wasn't that bad of a fall, but it still made me sore all around. I got up and climbed up the stairs to the Casbah, except this time I wasn't going to stall and get myself shoved again.

When I entered the building - I was immediately hit with the scents of smoke, alcohol, and sweat. The last of the three not being quite as charming as the first two.

The Casbah seemed to be smaller than I had remembered it being just a few weeks ago, but maybe that was because of the large number of people that were all squeezed in here at once. There were definitely way more people in here than last time - since I could barely move around now. Well, I could, but only if I wanted to be met by a jab to the side or another push. People in here were pushing and shoving like their life depended on it.

I made myself as comfortable as I could by leaning on the back wall of the Casbah, squished right in between two sweaty girls who smelled like they hadn't taken a shower in years.

The Quarrymen's set was about to begin, as I saw the band getting on their small stage. Paul was trying to say something into the mic, but no one could hear a thing he was saying. Besides the low-quality sound system that had been provided to them, girls were screaming their names left and right. The loudest of them probably being the two on either side of me - who were screaming their heads off. Didn't expect to be losing my hearing today.

They began with Tutti Frutti - which I remembered them having such a hard time perfecting - with George taking lead guitar. There was still visible tension between John and Paul, but they threw it aside because of the money they were earning from this residency. When money was on the table for them or the band, you could bet they would do almost anything for it.

The four of them were playing pretty well for barely being able to hear themselves. I smiled at them as their dynamic was undeniable, no matter what they were going through behind the scenes.

I only noticed them finishing that first number when they bowed and John went to the mic. He pretended to look around, though in reality he probably couldn't see a thing without his glasses. I see as John winks to a random person in the audience, and I sincerely hope he didn't fucking wink at somebody else's bird - or else we would have another Paul and John situation on our hands.

"Alright folks, the next number we're going to sing is In Spite Of All The Danger!"

George, Paul, and John were all sharing one mic in the middle of the stage, with Ken just standing to the side. I watched as they sang in perfect harmony with each other.

"In spite of all the danger..."

I made quick eye contact with Paul, who didn't look that happy to see me. But honestly, the feeling was mutual as of now. Almost anything that came in his path was destroyed - even his, John, and I's friendship together. He quickly looked away from me and looked at someone else in the audience who I couldn't see from my spot in the Casbah.

"In spite of all that may be..."

I then caught George's attention, whose eyes lit up like those of a child on Christmas morning. He didn't deserve getting stuck between John and George either. I've probably said this millions of times in the span of a few weeks, but I really meant it. Dragging him into this whole mess sucked for both of us.

"I'll do anything for you, anything you want me to..."

John. I feel a bit mortified when I lock eyes with him. My heart feels like it takes a whole leap when he looks at me. But a part of me really wished he hadn't seen me here and that he was just pretending that he could see me as he did during most shows. But I guess I had run out of luck because John furrowed his eyebrows as he continued to stare at me throughout the rest of the song. I blushed and was a bit flustered about it all until the girl to my right gasped so insanely loud into my ear.

"Is that your boyfriend?" She breathed into my ear, and not only did she stink but her breath did as well. Could be used as a poison, it was that bad.

"No," I pinched my nose to try and get rid of some of the stink. "I'm dating that one." I correct as I point to Paul.

"Well, I guess John could be mine then."

She had so much confidence in that answer, I kind of pitied her for it. I literally had such a strong urge to tell her that she had to take a long shower and a trip to the dentist before that could happen. But I played nice and just did one of those fake laughs to try and go along with her.

By the time I had finished talking to that girl, In Spite Of All The Danger had finished playing, and I could see John slowly making his way to me by pushing through the crows. Not knowing what to do, I ran out as I was close to the door.

This probably was the fastest I ever had run in heels, or run in general. Once I was out of the building, I was looking around like a maniac to try and find a place to hide in the meantime, and decide on the back of the Casbah. I ran behind the building and tried to catch my breath, I wasn't used to running - I was no track star.

I heard the door open abruptly, and John's voice was booming outside.

"Nat! Nat!" There was a desperate tone evident in his voice. "Nat! I know you're out here! Please don't hide from me. Please." John's voice cracked and I could tell he was tearing up.

My hand flies to my mouth so I wouldn't make a sound that I didn't want to. John's desperation hurt me inside.

"Mate, you've got to get back in there. Mum won't be too pleased about this." I think it was Pete who said this, considering Mona was the one managing the Casbah.

"I don't give a damn, Best. I saw her in the audience!"

"John, you're blind as a bat. So I don't think I should really judge your judgment on this one."

"What the fuck did you say? I think I would know what I saw, I'm not stupid."

"Whatever you say. Just get back in there if you don't want to mess up this residency for the rest of your band."

"Fine, I'll be there in a mo'."

What I presume was Pete's footsteps goes back into the club, probably leaving John by himself.

"I'm not going crazy, am I?"

After John says that, I hear his heavy footsteps disappear into the Casbah.

As if I wasn't already guilty, John doubting if he was going mad or not really made it worse. I honestly didn't know how to fix this besides just letting it be. But that wouldn't help. The three of us were too deep in it now.

And I had nothing close to a good idea to fix it. 

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a/n: hey everyone! i am so sorry for posting it this late! but i hope you had a great valentine's day, and i hope you enjoyed the chapter! <3