Lovesick

Chapter 8: Fake

Chapter 8

            When I got home, I immediately called Hazelle and told her what happened. I told her about my date with Tyler, I told her about my seeing Lewis, and I told her about Haiden picking me up.

            “If I didn’t know any better I’d say Haiden was Edward Cullen, always there when you’re in trouble.” She never fails to get a little laugh out of serious situations. I giggled and went back to being serious.

            “I don’t want you to think that I’m forcing you not to talk to Tyler, it’s not fair if you still want to associate yourself with him.”

            “HELL NO! Seriously?! Why would I?! He an a**hole! If I was in your shoes I’d tell my friend to stay the hell away from him.”

            I chuckled, I wanted to tell her that but I feel like I should be her friend no matter who her other friends are.

            “I love you, Ellie!”

            “I love you kicky Nikki!”

            “Kicky Nikki?”

            “Yeah, I’m going to call you that now, you got balls, probably twice as big as Tyler’s.”

            “Ten times.”

            She started laughing. “Well I have to go do chores, bye kicky Nikki!”

            I giggled. “Bye Hazelle.”

            I laid back on my bed, I am so grateful for Hazelle; if she weren’t here I’d be going this stuff alone. She’s always there for me and she always listens.

            I went to sleep thinking about how effed up my life has been ever since I moved to this damned place. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I can’t choose my life, I can’t choose the people who are in my life, I can’t choose where I live, I just can’t choose anything. My life is a screw-up and I can’t do anything about it. Thinking about dumb sh*t like this gets me even more upset, it just makes me want to just stop and start all over again. Only if I could, though. If I could, I would in a second.

            Seeing Lewis made it worse. He did not come to Cali at the right time. But then again I can’t blame him for my screwed up life. It’s not his fault Tyler’s such a dick. It’s not his fault I nearly got raped. That still can’t sink into my brain.

            What are people on Monday going to say about what happened at Haiden’s party? Haiden. That name popped in my mind and didn’t leave, but that’s okay because for some reason I didn’t want it to. Haiden Maverick, Haiden Maverick, Haiden Maverick. I continuously repeated his name in my head hoping something would come up in my mind about how I feel towards him, nope. Nothing. I can’t like him. I don’t like him. If I did, wouldn’t something about him pop up about him that told me I did? No signs.

            I thought about how whenever I’m in trouble he always manages to be there, maybe there’s something about him no one knows. Maybe there’s some care hidden under his “bad boy exterior.” Maybe is the keyword, though. Maybe it’s just a coincidence.

            I woke up feeling like crap. All yesterday, all I could think about was Haiden’s party and what people would say about me today. I washed my face and went to my closet, deciding on which clothes to wear that would attract the least attention. I decided on black sweatpants and a dark purple hoodie. I put my hair up in a messy bun and I honestly didn’t even bother to put on makeup. I look like how I do when I’m ready to go to bed. I am ready to go downstairs but on my way I make one of the worst decisions of my life. I look in the mirror.