The Start of Time

Chapter 59

The lies, the confusion, the constant battle. The pulling each other in only to have to let go. Suppressed emotions bubbling over constantly. Trying to fix deep wounds with small bandages. Becoming completely different people for each other. Fighting emotions until our guards are completely down only to be each other's downfall.

That's what gives me the strength to turn and walk away.

But his warm fingers wrap around my forearm, swinging me back towards his chest, holding my face gently until his lips press against mine.

The time we spent apart becomes an overcharged battery, shooting sparks between us, turning stoic anger into a salacious dance when his tongue brushes against my bottom lip.

The promises I made to be strong are gone, fleeing with all inhibition until it's just us.

Two people surrounded by nothing, colliding with each other against all odds. We've taken something physical, a superficial reaction, and manipulated it into something real. Something electric, something aflame, something ready to explode.

Something I've spent the last six months trying to convince myself I didn't need.

"Declan, stop!" I push at his chest the moment my brain floods with realization, but he refuses to let go.

"I love you," he blurts. "I always have and I always will."

"I hate that stupid word."

"But that doesn't make it any less true. You can fight me all you want, but I know you still love me, too."

"You don't know anything." I spit.

"I know that I hurt you so many times before, and you're afraid I'll do it again."

He's loosened just enough for me to write out of his grasp, but spite stops me from walking away.

"I hate you."

"No, Mary-Kelton. You don't."

All the pent up bitterness and rage shatters into thousands of different emotions. The audacity he has to continuously taunt me with these stupid revelations is infuriating. How dare he try to tell me how I feel? Waltzing back into my life like he knows me better than I know myself.

I only wish he were wrong.

"But I want to!" I slam my fists into his chest over and over again, faster and harder with every ounce of anger and resentment. "I trusted you! You promised me that I had nothing to be afraid of, that you loved me, and that everything would be okay, but you're just a liar. I knew this was wrong from the very beginning, but I didn't care. You just let me fall for you anyway. I get it. I made a mistake, but I owned up to it. I wanted to fix it to stay in each other's lives, but you didn't even try to understand why I had to break up with you. You just played me over and over and over again like what we had never even mattered to you. You promised me that you would never hurt me, but all it took was one wrong turn for you to wreck me every chance you got. And the worst part is that you're right. I do still love you, and I hate you for it."

And there it is. The reason why I hate that stupid word.

Because after all we've been through, I still love him.

There's a fine line between love and hate.

My cheek collides with his chest, and he's there to envelope in his arms. He just stood there, solid and silent, taking every hit as if he deserved it, allowing me to take everything out on him until I finally gave up.

No matter how much I wanted to hate him for breaking me, I still loved him with everything within me.

He places a small kiss on my forehead. "I promise I will spend every single day of the rest of my life making it up to you."