The Start of Time

Chapter 51

Someone once told me that the saddest end to a relationship is when you're still madly in love withe each other. I thought that was absolute bullshit. Who would break up with someone if they're still in love?

I now realize that sometimes love isn't always enough.

He kindly dismisses himself, finishing his rounds around the room, making his way back to me.

"How are you feeling? You ready to go?"

"I'm fine." He gives me a funny look like he only half believes me. "No, really," I assure him, "I'm okay. You take your time."

"I really appreciate you coming with me tonight. I know these aren't your favorite, but I love you for coming anyway." He wraps his arm around my waist, kissing the corner of my mouth.

This is going to be so fucking hard.

To love and be loved in return is unlike any fathomable emotion you could ever experience. It isn't something that ever really grows or fades, but that doesn't mean it doesn't change. Morph itself into something worth laughing or crying over. Something worth giving up your dreams for. Something worth dying for.

It isn't simple or complicated.

It's just love.

The only little piece of heaven we catch a glimpse of here on earth.

And that's exactly why I have to let him go.

So I spend the rest of the night showing him just how much he means to me, memorizing every inch of him to hold on to when this is all over.

He kicks his shoes off the moment we enter my small apartment, making himself comfortable while I change and take off all my makeup. When I exit the bathroom, he's already ready for bed, laying on his side, waiting for me to join him.

I climb into bed, resting my cheek on my hand, facing him, letting my fingers wander to trace the outline of his soft lips.

"You're so beautiful," I whisper.

"I don't think I've ever had someone call me beautiful. It's kind of weird, but I kind of like it."

I spend another minute, still analyzing and memorizing all of his beautiful features, brushing a stray curl from his mesmerizing green eyes before trailing back down his jawline.

Those glistening eyes squint in confusion. "Is everything okay? Why are you staring at me like I'm going to disappear?"

Because to me, you are.

"Please tell me you knew how this was going to end before we started it."

"What the hell does that mean, Mary-Kelton?"

"I can't keep up trying to be the perfect girlfriend forever."

"Is this about me asking if you would marry me a few weeks ago because we can talk about it. It doesn't have to happen anytime soon or even ever if you don't want it to."

"No, Declan, that's not it at all."

"Well then, what the hell are you talking about?"

"It's me. I'm not—"

"I know you're not about to pull the 'it's not you, it's me' because that's bullshit and you know it. Now, stop thinking whatever you're thinking and kiss me goodnight."

I wish I could believe him and just take his advice. Kiss him goodnight and go so sleep safely in the arms of the one I love, but that's not what needs to happen.

"You're not understanding me." I shake my head, resting my palm on his cheek. "You have to let me go. I'm not good enough for you. Between the antisocial personality and the anxiety attacks and the yearning for independence all the while being codependent on you. That's not what you need. You need someone like Adriana who can stand by your side, looking like she's exactly where she belongs because she does belong there."