The Start of Time

Chapter 50

"Not again." I whisper to myself.

My chest tightens, making it hard to breathe, blurring my vision as I take larger and larger steps towards my apartment door.

The couple down the hall was fighting. I should be used to it by now. They fight all the time.

It's just the weird thud between his deep yells that scares the shit out of me until I'm frozen in fear wondering if I should call the police.

But then she comes back with some comment that cuts deeper than anything he's ever said before.

I know they're going to end it with 'I love you' and makeup sex because that's what they always do, but I can't keep the heated panic suppressed as Jordan's face slips into my mind.

I just need to calm down before this escalates into another one of those anxiety attacks. Talk myself thought it. Maybe do the five things.

I'm walking down the hallway towards my apartment after work. There's no chaos awaiting you. The world isn't going to end. There's no impending doom of a man awaiting your arrival. You just worked an extra long shift, and you're tired.

Unlock the door without shaking too much and then maybe you can sleep it off or something. I'm going to be fine.

"Hey, babe." Declan greets me just after my small backpack hits the floor, reaching towards me, greeting me with a kiss. I give in for a millisecond before shaking my head at any further contact, moving towards the couch.

"Long day?" He asks.

"You could say that." I swallow, settling into the cushions with my knees to my chest, head resting on my crushed arms, cursing myself for forgetting my medicine these past few days.

Declan opens his mouth, but hesitates before sitting down beside me and closing his eyes as well. They remain closed even when I open mine, shifting to pull my feet beneath me.

"It almost happened again," I whisper, resting my head on his thigh, his fingers immediately twirling strands of my hair. "The couple downstairs was fighting, and it just hit me the wrong way. I started to panic."

"You're safe now." He smiles down at me, still rubbing his fingers through my hair.

I smile back at him, settling comfortably in his lap, closing my eyes as my body slowly calms.

We sit in silence for about five minutes before he breaks it.

"Do you want me to go pull out your dress for tonight?"

No. I want to stay at home being completely lazy like I've been planning all day:

"What's tonight?"

"Austin is throwing that cocktail party for a few of our new clients, remember?"

Shit. I forgot told him I would go. Although, he mentioned it once in the middle of dinner with everyone, so heaven forbid I forget about it.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. I'm sorry." I sigh softly.

I never expected him to fully understand, but when I had that first incident with him in the car, he seemed so sympathetic, like he could really imagine what I was going through.

I guess he just doesn't quite understand a night like this could make me feel worse.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to." He says softly, trying to hide his disappointment behind a blank stare.

"I'm sorry. If you really want me to go, I can. I just may not be up for much conversation."

"No," he swallows. "It's fine. I did this all the time before you were here. I don't really need you. You never really liked these things anyway."