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"Fine," she said, venom in her voice before she hung up on me
I was glad Paisley wasn't, like, dead in a ditch somewhere and everything, but I really hated that she was kind of dismissing all of this. Dismissing me. I felt like I did something wrong. Did I push my limits somehow?
God, I'm losing my mind.
Over the span of the few weeks she was blatantly avoiding me, I'd resorted to checking in on her via her friends.
Luckily, the awkwardness was dismissed as I flung questions at the girls left and right, barely taking breaths between each query.
"Do you guys know if she eating?"
"Yep." Allie and their friend Holly said at the same time.
"Has she been taking care of her hygiene?"
"Yeah."
"Is she sleeping well?"
"Yes."
"Taking her meds?"
"Mhmm."
"Playing enough basketball to keep her somewhat sane?"
"Fucker won't stop bouncing that damn ball."
After Allie's last answer, she hung up on me. This continued to be our (my) semi-daily ritual, and I don't want to get emotional or anything, but I think we were really starting to bond. Even now, it truly brings tears to my eyes, our relationship.
It wasn't exactly a surprise that she hadn't answered when I called her today, though, because, let's face it,I could be pretty damn annoying.
Seeing as my best friend no longer found our spiritual connection valuable or amusing, I was left to call Sky. And then I remembered... you know, everything. Then, my immediate first thought after that was something had happened to Paisley, and because of this, I mattered about a hundred million times less than I usually did.
Oh, but, boy, was I proven wrong when my phone started vibrating in the palm of my hand. As soon as I joined the FaceTime call, I realized that there were three other people. One was definitely trying to avoid my "presence" by ducking out of frame, which only made my chest tighten with regret. About what? I couldn't tell you.
All I knew was that I felt like I'd done something wrong and was terribly desperate to figure out what it was that I'd done. 'Cause it always did end up being something I stupidly didn't think through.
This whole thing should be easier, I kept telling myself. My mind should understand that if she needs time after what happened, then that's okay.
But she was fine a few weeks ago (as fine as she could be). Then, all of a sudden, I wasn't worth replying or calling back.
I understood that she'd been going through a lot, but I thought that we had established that I wanted to be there for her and that I would be here if she ever needed to talk. We'd been over everything almost every night, and we would both vent like our lives depended on it.
