After Selene loses the love of her life in an accident, she finally starts moving forward with her life only to be racked with the guilt of falling for one of the last person she should fall for.
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Those first couple months were almost impossible to watch. There were times when I questioned if I should check her into a hospital or if what I was doing was enough to keep her going. She was a shell of herself and I was literally her only bit of the outside world. It also helped me, she gave me some bit of purpose and structure after the accident. Instead of focusing on my own grief I was able to focus my energy into helping her with her grief. It probably wasn't the best way to deal with the loss of your best friend, but everyone grieves differently.
For months after she moved into the house, she didn't get out of bed or leave her room. I would bring her dinner every day and was hoping that she at least tried to eat something else during the day.
She was also shutting everyone out. Connor's mom had reached out to me to see how she was doing and told me how Selene wasn't returning her calls. I told her what was going on and asked her to pass on the information to Selene's parents too just to make sure that they knew what was going on as well. A few of their friends from DC had reached out to me as well. She had shut everyone except me out. I wasn't sure why, but I tried to make sure that they understood how hard she was still taking it. I had hopes that once she was able to hold her own a little bit more that she would try to repair these relationships because while I'm sure they didn't understand what she was going though they still wanted nothing but the best for her.
She nodded and let me pull her out of the house. We walked in silence along the beach for a hour. I immediately noticed the slight color coming back to her face. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked in this moment. Her har whipped in the wind around her and she glide along the beach next to me. I felt like a lumbering troll next to her. There was a pink tinge to her normally pale cheeks. I felt as though I was finally getting somewhere with her even if it was just this hour of the day.
When we had finally come back to the house I sat down on the beach and motioned her to sit next to me. To anyone else this would've seemed insignificant, but to me it was exactly what we both needed.
"You know it'll hurt less eventually right?"
She nodded and the tears started rolling down her face again. "Its just so hard to see a future without him."
I sighed, "I know. I fully expected you both to be nothing me to settled down way into our old age."
She let out a laugh between sobs. "I guess I'll just have to nag you for both of us now."
I groaned, "please don't, it's a lost cause." And with that I fell silent. I had given up on women for awhile now. The most beautiful woman in the world was sitting next to me and I knew that I could never go there.
She nudged me shaking me out of my thoughts, "you'll find someone Andy."
I brushed off my thoughts of her and tried to laugh, "I doubt it." Shrugging, "totally owning my forever single life. Come on lets go eat dinner." And with that I stood up and started to brush the sand off of me as I walked towards the house.
Our evenings started to include walks after that first evening. It felt like it started to work, but I had no idea. Sometimes we walked in silence, sometimes I told her stories of Connor and I as kids. Boy, we could get into a lot of trouble, but the good kind of trouble. Neither one of us were malicious or anything. At the end of the day, I always left the house feeling weird. I was beginning to love the time spent with her, but I knew it would eventually come to an end. She would eventually move on and the house would go back to being a vacation spot. Maybe its not the best idea for me to spent so much time with her, but in the same breathe I couldn't help wanting to help for various reasons, only partly having to do with the memory of Connor. At the end of the day, all I ever wanted was for her to be happy.
Was convincing her to be here making her happy? Am doing enough to keep her going? Was this even a good idea. A mix of depressed confusion was becoming my constant state of mind.
