After Selene loses the love of her life in an accident, she finally starts moving forward with her life only to be racked with the guilt of falling for one of the last person she should fall for.
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Emotional days were always taxing in so many ways. On one hand, I wanted to fix the problem in any way possible, but I knew that there was no fixing this. I just needed to sit and listen. She would figure everything out on her own. It didn't hurt any less. She knew she was falling for me, but not knowing that she wasn't fully there was a little hard to hear. I would do anything to get her there, but I just needed to bide my time and stop being so impatient.
That next week was insanely busy. I felt like I barely had time to eat let alone see Selene. It was almost a blessing in disguise because I was forced to give her the space I knew she needed. I made sure to always text before I crashed for the night. I still had that niggling feeling in the back of my mind, wondering if she was taking this time to think about us. Was she still falling in love with me or was she realizing that I was no where near good enough for her. The thought alone, made me feel nauseaous.
Work was hectic and it was nice to work through the anxiety that came with not seeing her for so long. The guys gave me shit and said that I constantly looked like I was about to cry. I knew that wasn't the complete truth, but knowing what was going on in my head, I knew my facial expression wasn't too far from that.
Friday night rolled around and I texted Selene.
Andy: Before I completely crash, I'm coming over in the morning because I can't remember what your face looked like and I need to see it.
Selene: You mean this face.
She sent a picture of her making a goofy face.
Andy: Yep that's the face I love.
Selene: I'll make sure to look extra "lovely" tomorrow just for you.
Andy: You could have an extra crazy looking face and I would still look forward to seeing and kissing it everyday.
Selene: You sure do know how to make a girl blush even over the phone.
Andy: Just wait until I'm there with you.
Selene: I can't wait.
Andy: I'm about to pass out. I will see you in the morning. Goodnight beautiful.
The next morning, I couldn't get over to her house fast enough. She must had heard my truck pull into the driveway because the instant that I let myself into the house, she launched herself into my arms. I couldn't help burying my face into the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent. The scent of the beach and magnolias took over my senses.
"I can't tell if you missed me or not." I laughed.
"Totally didn't miss you." Her voiced was muffed by my chest.
I walked us into the house. And settled us both on the couch. She finally pulled away from my but stay in my lap.
"This week sucked without you."
"You're telling me. Not only did it suck because I didn't see you all week, but my body hates me for everything I put it through this week." I retorted.
"You should just stay here next time." She said shyly.
"Are you sure?" I asked incredulously.
She nodded with a pink tinge taking over her face. "This week sucked without you."
"I don't think I could ever say no to that."
"Good." She said as she curled up in my lap. " I don't want to go this long without seeing you again."
"Me neither."
We sat like that wrapped up in each other's arms for what felt like forever. If I hadn't already known that I was madly in love with this woman, I would've known it then. We just fit together like puzzle pieces.
We went about our day. Took a walk on the beach and made dinner together.
After dinner we were curled up on the couch watching something random show when she turned to me.
"Its really hard not to fall in love with you." She said softly.
"Were you trying not to?" I asked unsure if I really wanted the answer.
"Truthfully, yea." She sighed.
"Why?" I couldn't hide that I was getting a little upset.
"I feel so guilty."
"How so?" My anger starting to fade.
"Because it feels more like I'm replacing Connor when I fall in love with you."
"I'm not trying to replace Connor." I was instantly feeling a little combative.
"I know you're not. But it make me feel that much more guilty."
"How so?"I asked, "How is this different from us having sex?"
She took a deep breath, "Sex feels almost like scratching an itch." She held up her hands as if to stop me from interjecting, "Not that our sex was that, but it didn't feel like replacing him."
"But falling for me does?" I asked
She nodded, "It's more than just sex, just scratching an itch. You mean more to me than that. I'm falling head over heels for you and its impossible to stop. I just feel like Connor is hating me for finding love so fast. Aren't I suppose to mourn for years and just accept becoming a spinster?"
"One, there is no time limit on mourning and two, just because we are together does not mean that you're not still mourning because I know that's not the case." It was hard not to get worked up.
"I know, I still miss him every day, but sometimes it feels like I'm betraying him."
"Selene, you know that he wouldn't want you to sit at home crying over him."
"I know." I could see the tears forming in her eyes.
"I just don't want you to feel guilty for falling in love." I told her.
"I know, its still really hard not to. But it doesn't take away from the fact that I'm falling in love with you and its impossible to imagine life without you in it."
I pulled her towards me and pressed a kiss hard to her lips.
"I hate that you're still hurting, but it makes me heart so happy that I'm not alone in this." I told her.
We spent the night wrapped up in each other and there was no way to tell where one began and the other ended. I hated that our love made her feel guilty on one hand, but was ecstatic that she loved me on the other. It was confusing to say the least, but at least I wasn't stuck in limbo anymore.
