The Escort's Secrets

Chapter 24. Pause... Learn & Relearn

David spent the day with shaky Anna. She felt terrible the whole day, she even told him she would undo and take back every single word she said if she could.

Later during the day, Anna went to check on broken to pieces Lilly who was sitting curled in her bedroom chair; thinking about all that happened and torn apart between the amazing feelings she's just experienced for the first time with Andrew and the terrible doubts that were planted in her head of him trying to manipulate and control her, which she already had doubts about!

When Anna came to her, she tried to speak logically to Lilly: I'm sorry sweetheart... I made my own demons jump in your face and I spoiled everything.
Lilly hugged Anna: Are you still in pain after all those years sweetie? I'm really really sorry, all this... today, it just opened your wounds Anna. I truly am!
Anna tried to act strong: It's not about me baby. It's all about you now. If only I see some love in his eyes!! If only I can be sure he's going to be good to you! I'm so sorry Lilly. Honestly!
Lilly straightened her back: There's nothing to apologize about Anna! I'm letting my emotions explode and I'm the one who will suffer if I don't get hold of myself and take control as I have always done!
Anna kissed her sister and was about to leave the room: Anna, you were right! Only today I knew how Hannah felt! Only today I understood her dilemma... I wish I never judged her, what did I know then! Worse, what do I even know now?!

It was again a long day that Lilly spent on her own. She first let herself cry her overloaded emotions till she settled. She then grabbed her laptop and started typing her thoughts out. This has always helped her. She would sometimes read them back immediately and sometimes she saved them and checked them later. Today she only wrote without thinking. She then suddenly started a new paragraph;
Wait a minute:
Who am I?
Why am I reacting like this? Since when I was a reactor and not an initiator?
How does this help me fulfill my life's purpose & dream?
How does this fit with my values, the survivor I have always been? The fierce fighter that breaks at no obstacle.
But what is life all about, if we cannot learn, unlearn and relearn??
How could I easily listen to my inner voice of limitations rather than possibilities?
I will simply redo everything again. From scratch!

There was a smile creeping on her lips as she stood up. Walked away. Then came back to the screen and read each statement again... when she hissed at herself "you are not broken. You've only lost a battle not the whole war"
She has promised herself since what happened that she won't think of Andrew or on her feelings for him. She needs to shape-up first, find her feet then reevaluate how she really felt about him. And this won't happen till she decides on her work, which has just been settled. She's just decided that she will do it all over again.
A new on-line platform using all her previous experience, maybe this one would be even out of the States, so she won't be confronting with Lilly Moda at any point.

Just reaching this decision made her sleep better, wake up early and was working on her plan the whole day. She then jumped with an adrenalin rush, changed, went grocery shopping and went to surprise her Dad, cook and share a meal together.
She managed to video call Anna with her Dad and then called Paul who was with Noura and asked them to pass by the family house for a meal...
As food was served on the table, Lilly's heart was so grateful to the presence of her family and their love, it was exactly what she needed to find her new earth and set a new foot on how she wanted to plan her life.
She slept at her Dad's that night, after a long night of chatting and laughing with him, Paul and beautiful Noura who simply were glowing with their love feelings for each other.

Paul was doing so good in his job. He & Noura moved in together and were making a perfect match. Noura too was very fond of Lilly and told her she's found the man of her dreams. Just before leaving the house, Paul took Lilly aside and asked her if she was OK?
Lilly nodded: Wasn't so good the past few days Paul, but starting to be now.
Paul hugged his sister and told her he loved her and would always be there for her. His warmth made her broken heart, beat with happiness, simple happiness after days of pure sadness specially the last one with Andrew.. she experienced her happiest and saddest times ever she n one day!

She walked into her small bedroom in her father's house. She needed to stay away from the other flat where he was with her, away from that room, bed, pillows that still had his smell. Then she asked herself suddenly; does she even love him? She's never connected to a man her entire life and all these feelings are ... just ... too recent. What if they are not real, what if this need of him isn't love??

Her head was so alert with this doubt, when her phone beeped with a text. She couldn't help how her heart jumped with joy when she read his name "where are you. I came to snuggle in beside you and you are not at home?" ... it was all the confirmation she needed... she started typing that she's at her Dad's and she's coming immediately. But she then deleted the part she was coming. "I'm at Dad's. Needed time and space. Needed to understand my true feelings and decide on my future". He texted almost immediately "no Lou, you need to be with me, in my arms... I will do all the thinking for you if you want ... I'll will give you what you want for your future, I will do anything for you. Just come. Now". She started getting dressed so fast, then paused again "Andrew, I don't want... We cannot make love. I need to see things through, and you are blinding me with your dominating effect and my head is playing all ticks on me" he texted again immediately "would be difficult honestly, we need each other fully...but fine. Whatever makes you feel safe, Babes! Just come."
Then another text followed: "Better, come to my place Lou. Don't keep me waiting!"
She was already in her car flying with happiness when she changed directions to go to his place "on my way".

New Beginnings
It was almost six more months, since Lilly moved in with Andrew again, he was so happy but always was on guard and didn't show his true feelings. He was falling for her, everyday more... she was taken by his sweetness, his softness... they would go places, dinners, weekends and only separate during work hours. Her request of returning to the "no lovemaking" was kept intact – even in the times he'd be so weak and ask her to reconsider, he would then respect her wish.

He even went with her to the priest when she said she needed to confess, she smiled softly: I know Andrew that's not what you believe into, but that's a big thing to me and that's how I was raised; lovemaking is a secret bond between a man and his woman...
He only nodded leaving the room, not wanting to tell her that he's considered her his woman ever since the first time they made love. That night he thought he was getting his revenge but in reality, she had him fully under her spell... even now, he's respecting her wishes ignoring how much he needed her body. It was already annoying him how she fully had a grasp over his thinking and feelings.
Meeting the priest was beautiful when he blessed and prayed for them both and told them that love would grow with their faith into goodness and giving up selfishness. Andrew liked the priest with his modern thinking and the way he made it easy to stay in touch with your own soul and the creator. He was becoming more addicted to attending Sunday masses and meeting the whole church community that he liked a lot... it was a new world he discovered with her...

Her new company was making only baby steps, but she was happy again, she made a small office in Anna's apartment which she changed in her name as Anna told her she didn't need to keep it anymore. Anna stayed at David's when she came from Egypt.
Lilly was starting something new, using all her energy and past experience to begin with the money she got from the acquisition.
In reality she used half of the money and gave Paul the other half, she told him he invested as much time and effort. Paul tried to refuse specially after he worked in this multinational corporation and was doing so well. Afterall he was more of a businessman rather than an entrepreneur ... Lilly was the entrepreneur in the family.
Eventually, Lilly convinced him to buy a house – she was hoping to hear good news about him and Noura soon.

David and Anna were madly in love with each other... he would travel to see her and work remotely from Egypt or she comes and works remotely for two weeks after spending a whole month in Cairo. David too loved the country and used to tell his Dad and Andrew that it was time they opened an office in the economically booming city of Cairo.
Edward and Andrew winked at each other joking that it would be for the sake of the business for sure. They knew David was being happy with Anna and they were happy he moved big time from his sadness.
Andrew wasn't happy that it had to be Anna though, with all her hatred to him and all her warnings to her sister to be careful around him and not to allow him to break her spirits or heart with his complicated personality as he overheard her talking to Lilly once.

No matter how sweet things were moving steady between them, Lilly was annoyed at how sometimes Andrew would close up on her or keep starring at her as if she was a stranger! She wished he'd open up and stop these hot cold feelings he's been signaling her with. He cared; she knew... but he never said a word of love. She therefore had to stop telling him how she felt since she moved in this time. She would never overuse the words of love when they had no matching echoes. It hurt and puzzled her.
His over protectiveness for her when they go anywhere, dancing or even at the supermarket, if anyone come to speak to her, he seemed to try to fully control her. And it was starting to annoy her.
Lilly: Andrew please, I'm not one of these women who loves it when you are jealous.
Andrew shrugged his shoulder coldly: Of course, I'm not.
Lilly snapped: Then why are you trapping me on whom I'm speaking to or not, I actually feel insulted. You should have some trust in me by now. Jealousy means lack of trust to me!
He looked long trying to understand how he would be jealous if he kept telling himself he's not in love with her. He didn't say anything. Just left the room.
Every time they disputed, he would make it up to her later with more softness and sweetness. For her, she could not stop one day from giving herself fully to him feeling their bond grow and become stronger.
His father was becoming increasingly familiar that she'd join the two sons to the villa, but she was clever enough to go help with dinner when they needed their space for business discussions. It was brilliant when Anna was around, and the two sisters stay together while the gentlemen finished their work.
Also, since the siters were coming more often; Tina would also be invited more often, and it would be real happy times. Still Andrew never opened up to his Mom.

This time Anna and Tina were away, and it was only the three of them with Edward.
Edward: Why didn't you agree Lilly to move in the villa as Andrew suggested?
Lilly was shocked with the direct question: I guess we need more time Edward...
Edward insisted: More time for what? It's not like I'm asking when you are getting married or anything. I'm just thinking about the convenience of it!
They fell in silence, and Lilly couldn't mistake the angry look at Andrew's face: Who said anything about marriage Dad, there's nothing of the kind!

Andrew took it that Lilly's silence was that she got scared of what his dad suggested, but when he saw pain on her face, he realized she was offended by his words. What was that?? Was she waiting for a ring?? Was she waiting for a move from him?? What was this sad look that took over her??

It only hit her then, and her head drowned in one thought... what was he thinking? He had her trapped beside him since months now, and there was no discussion what-so ever on what was she to him, or what will happen next... she then inhaled and prevented herself from looking sad in front of them.
David read her eyes and opened a subject just to cut the awkward silence and she joined in fast, while Andrew was so annoyed at his feelings, he was so silent. Even when they went home, he didn't want to speak and closed up again.