Secretive - Bucky Barnes

54 || Distraction || (a little) 🌶

[Nova]
»Nova, what is this?« His voice is quiet as a breeze, but still forceful like thunder. I cannot look up, not into his piercing eyes. Knives would stab me.

The footsteps behind him ease, and a quick motion shows me he signals the others to stay away. Then, shortly after, I hear the door falling into its lock, and heavy steps slowly coming down the cracking wooden stairs. The light is dim, only a bulb on long electronic cables hanging from the low ceiling just above the dead man. Just five centimetres more, and James would need to bend down a little if he would try to walk beneath it.

Without being aware of it, I step back as he reaches my level and tries to walk towards me. A shiver runs down my spine; I automatically fold my arms, hands brushing the strong material of the suit on the place of my biceps. The metallic scent of blood thickens the air still, and I need to look out for a finger on the ground to not step on it.

The broad-shouldered, dark-haired man stops right when he gets my retreat. I may can hear his deep breath, but still avoid the masochistic try to look up to him. »Nova, what is this?« he asks again, softer this time, grey fluffy clouds instead of lightning, but still with some anger behind them. He cautiously lays the Shuriken in his hand on the worker's desk to his left.

Not wanting, not even capable of using my voice, I step from one foot to the other, lowering my head and glance falling onto my toes, biting my lip in embarrassment. An awkward silence captures the room, broken a few seconds later by James's steps. One by one, he tries to reduce the distance, and finally, when my back hits the cold stone wall, he is able to do just that.

Suddenly, a sharp pain shoots through my brain, appearing faster than Usain Bolt in the goal. My fingernails push into my palms, and I frown, trying to get it away by only my will. Like a pang released the thin line, arrows crash into the walls of my mind, which have not entirely recovered from my last mental breakdown, as I know need to confess.

Again, I am in between both of them, and it is too much to handle for my poor mind. One side wanting to get the Shuriken and out of here as fast as possible, without hurting James of course, not able to stand any confrontation. It is clear enough what had happened, and why it had to happen. I cannot stand him in connection with this side of me. Not in the least.

The other side longing for James, for his touch and his embrace, desperately needing to pour out my heart on him, and make him caress and comfort me. Open up, let him help me. Begging for his gentleness, almost falling on my knees.

The searing pain in my head grows second by second, enough to shut out everything around me, every movement, every smell, everything. Eyes squeezing shut, I want to scream at it to get away, want to push and punch it out of my body, feel the urge to scratch it from the inside of my skull, but it is not possible. My breath goes heavy again, heart racing.

Jonas.

This is all Jonas's fault.

If he had not deceived me, I never would have pushed James away yesterday evening to be alone and process it alone, not wanting to put any more load on him. I never would have gotten Steve unconscious, never would have blackmailed a widow with her children to tell me about her husband's secrets she could not know. Never would have gone into this cellar and torture someone to death, and James would never have seen what a monster he is in a relationship with.

»Nova«

I shrug, opening my eyes in shock at how near his voice is. James stands right in my front, my eyes directly glancing into his light blue ones, running another shiver down my back. My fear for being stabbed has proven to be unfounded. His voice caressed my name like no one else can, will ever can, and the headaches are suddenly blown away as fast as they came. My heart, on the other hand, continues its race, a memorial of what had just popped up inside, and gone within the same time. How is this possible? It took so much longer last time. It needed so much more suffering.