Secretive - Bucky Barnes

43 || Three Hundred And Twenty-Five || 🔪

[Nova]
Surprisingly, Tony's jet offers even more luxury than I already was able to get a glimpse of. Beside the beds we could build if needed, there also is a shower, which I definitely had a huge sympathy for now. For half an hour I have been in there, letting the steaming water wash all my crimes from me in a desperate attempt to let them float away from my conscience.

I cannot help but still be convinced it has been nothing more than deserved and justified; the way I murdered Constantine Vermentro. Who would have thought Sam to have a that weak stomach? I even have been nice enough to give a warning. It is not my fault at all he could not stand the sight.

»Are you fine?« Jonas asks through Sam's phone, still the only person I can talk to about everything. Never could I ever get myself to tell James about my former actions. He would think me a monster, or as nausea whenever he thinks of me like Sam now probably, and he is the one and only I care about not to.

Luckily, I have been clever enough to know his phone number by heart, so I have a chance contacting my family and tell them I was fine although my phone is broken.

We landed in Sicily twenty minutes ago, and after checking in in the hotel Tony booked rooms for us in, I decided for a walk outside. The night air is clean and fresh, perhaps fifteen degrees due to us starting into the third month of the year.  I already know what James will get for his birthday, it being a little more than a week, and it is in the making. I smile to myself nervously, biting my lip. Hopefully, he will like it. »Yes, I am. Thank you.«

»Must've been a lot, what's coming up inside of you walking through that piece of hell again.«

Hell. That is what I used to call the place of my last mission, the cave we just visited in North Italy. A breeze gently wipes a few strands of my open hair behind my shoulder, bringing with it the smell of the salty sea. From the distance, I can see the end of the dilapidated alley, where the street kisses the small cliff, no coast on this side of the Porto di Catania. Most people are already in their homes, windows blinking like eyes down at me, letting me receive vibes of surveillance. I walk faster towards the port, hoping to get the unwelcome, unpleasant knot in my stomach away by running from it. »It's fine, honestly. I wonder about it too, but it isn't exactly affecting me. Think I made my peace with it.«

»Not exactly what I would call something I threw a bomb in, but I think this is about perspectives.« my older brother says, and I can nearly literally see him smirk.

I giggle. To laugh about it seems almost worse than the murder, but I cannot help the sarcasm. Not for a human that deserved his death exactly the way I gave it to him.

Suddenly, something like a knocking interrupts the talk. My display shows me someone else is calling. »Hey, don't be mad, but I gotta hang up. James is calling.«

»Urgh, how can you still be so madly in love? I hope, Easter break won't be a twenty-four seven trip into your turtledoves' nest.«

»Ha-ha.« I make, rolling my eyes. »I'll stop when you stop being so overprotective. James is a nice guy. He couldn't hurt a fly. God, my heart still aches thinking about what I got him into recently. I hope he is safe.«

»Yeah, whatever.« he says, his way of telling me goodbye.

Not even ten seconds later, James's warm voice sends goosebumps over my body, makes my feelings fly up to the seventh cloud, stars in my eyes. 

Maybe Jonas is right. Maybe I still am a lovebird, even after dating James for almost four months. »Hey, sugar. How are you?«

There is no noise in the background, so he is probably in his flat. He does not sound exhausted in the least, so I think he had a carefree work day. Every time he calls me in the evening with his sweet baritone notes dripping from tiredness, I get a bad conscience for keeping him awake with my want of listening to him.