❝You're thinking too much, just love me.❞
❝I'm scared to love you,❞ I mumbled under my breath. ❝Attachment is frightening.❞
❝I'm scared too, but I'm willing. I don't know how it feels like to be unconditionally loved by someone. I think that's th...
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Beomgyu~
"Is it true? You and Sohyun are dating? She's actually a girl?" We got this question a lot since we arrived at school. Sohyun and I just chose to ignore them.
"Are you okay with it... because I'm fine with telling everyone you're mine. I just don't want to make you feel like you need to come out now." I took her to the rooftop, where there weren't anyone else thankfully.
"I want to... and I think I should have a say for myself now." She gave me a gentle peck on the cheek, which sent me butterflies.
"I love you, okay? Whatever happens." I smiled and she nodded.
We walked out of the rooftop, hand-in-hand which caused an uproar. It was quite chaotic seeing everyone's reactions as I happily walked side-by-side with the girl I love so much. It feels damn good.
I got the perfect view of Nana's face, which evidently showed annoyance and jealousy. She takes offense to absolutely anything.
"You're actually a girl?" Someone asked and Sohyun nodded.
"You're so pretty then! You look good as a girl or a boy," another girl complimented her, which made me feel relieved. They seem to be taking the news positively. "Have you ever thought of growing your hair out?"
"I really want to." Sohyun replied and they all stared at her with stars in their eyes. Seems like my girl is gonna be the centre of attention for a while, in a good way.
We chatted a bit with a few more classmates, and they seemed really excited for us. Most of those who participated in the hazing event even apologized to her.
"That wasn't bad... not at all." Sohyun's smile could reach the skies once we were dismissed from our last class.
"Right? I guess we look really good together." I interlocked her fingers with mine.
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Sohyun~
"I found something in your room; care to explain?" My mom dropped a box in front of me once I got home from school.
"It was a gift..." I couldn't even let the words out. She found the wig and dress Beomgyu gave me on my birthday.
"Who knows you're a girl?" Her anger is now obvious. I took a few steps back afraid that she might hit me again, like she does whenever I show interest in non-essential feminine items.
"Everyone at school." I looked down in fear. I can't even begin to imagine how she'll react... I don't want to know.
"Are you rebelling? You have everything you want, I let you do whatever, your dad and I have always been here for you- what else do you need? Why can't you just be satisfied with what you have?!" She took some scissors and began cutting the wig.
"No, mom! Please... don't do this," I grabbed it from her, but she pushed me away and continued ruining the wig. "Do you have any idea how much you're hurting me right now?"
"What?" She paused and stared at me in confusion.
"It hurts me that you can't accept me for who I am. The reason why I'm not satisfied... because none of this is for me, it's for Taehyun. I am not him, mom." My chest felt so heavy, I ended up bawling.
"Don't say that." She was in denial. Her expression says it all; guilt.
"I'm your daughter, not your son. I want to look like a girl, act like one, feel like one... why can't you just give me that chance?" I felt so numb inside as I cried. Years worth of loneliness and forced identity crisis, it all came pouring out now.
"Because I don't want you to be in danger! I can't stand the thought of losing another child." She wiped away the tears on my face, but I just winced.
"You lost her long ago. You lost Sohyun."
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Today's the last day of reading week for me aaaa I have to go back to uni next week + finals soon :') Btw just ordered TXT's new season's greeting today bc retail therapy >>>
