Jamie Quill: The bad boy, the jock, and the closeted.

Chapter 36 | Panic Attacks.

*PANIC ATTACKS, INTENSE LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE, HOMOPHOBIA, DOMESTIC ABUSE.*

Jamie's POV:

I was sitting in my room waiting for Jane and the girls to arrive. I made up an excuse to have my mom pick me up because I was not about to stay back in school just for my abusive boyfriend. I needed to get away Elijah and fast. It's so frustrating because my whole family seems to be totally oblivious of the fact that I am getting abused by my boyfriend. They don't notice the bruises that stain my skin and even the bruises of my mental state. In the midst of my thoughts, I am brought out of the state of void when my phone's notification goes off. I picked it up and looked to see that Elijah had sent me a text.

Elijah: I swear if you go to that sleepover it's over!

Me: Read

Elijah: I don't want you going there, or else I'll fucking beat the shit out of you.

While Elijah had sent that shit message, I get a text from the girls that they're waiting outside in the car. I quickly grabbed my stuff and rushed out to the car and as soon as I got in, I was pulled into a tight hug. I pulled away first to find Maria looking at me with red eyes and stained cheeks.

"You have no idea how happy I am seeing you here," She whispered pulling me in for another hug.

I knew the distance between my friends and me was my fault. I devoted my time to Elijah and his popular group and didn't think once about checking on my friends. I am indeed so grateful that they still want to be my friend. We sat in comfortable silence while listening to Olivia Rodrigo.

We came to a stop at the traffic light, and a car pulled up next to us as well.

"JAMIE!" Someone screamed my name.

I knew whose voice that was, and as I turned to look at him, his eyes were already fixated on me. I let out a small gasp as I saw him open his door to get out, and out of fear I screamed for Jane to step on the gas. It all happened in slow motion and I saw the look on his face, and let's just say that if he ever gets his hands on me, I'll be dead, His figure was slowly fading as we were further away from the traffic light section.

Within a matter of seconds, I started to break down in tears and started hyperventilating. The view around me started to get blurry while I felt a burning sensation around my body. So many other symptoms of this damn panic attack were occurring and just like that, I was knocked out.

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I felt myself waking up as the sun's luminescence flooded the whole room. I slowly got up because, iron deficiency? We do not need her! I was confused because this was not Jane's room, but someone else's. The doorknob rattled for a quick second before the whole door opened, revealing Brandon carrying a tray of breakfast. It was cute how he was trying to be sneaky while failing to notice that I was fully aware of his presence. His face was so concentrated on trying not to drop the tray while sticking his tongue out.

My cover was blown because I had to clear my dry ass throat, and when his eyes met mine, he rushed to the bed, quickly placing the tray on the sheets, and ran straight for the door. I started laughing while reaching over to get the tray of food. I placed it on my lap and was astounded by the sustenance before my eyes.

To the far left was a freshly squeezed glass of orange juice, next to that was a small bowl and nice juicy blueberries. In the midsection, there was toast with avocado spread and banana slices placed neatly on the spread. On the right end of the tray had eggs and bacon placed on top of a plate with a little parsley. Let's just say I was absolutely stuffed.

SHIT WAS BUSSIN BUSSIN.

I made my way downstairs because I was not about to leave the tray in the room. That is some poor etiquette. As I made my way through the house, I failed to notice the girls and Brandon chilling in the living room.

"Good morning my love," Jane greeted as she got off the couch and hugged me, while Maria and Annie followed suit.

I pulled away from the hug to wash my dishes at the sink, but the tray was suddenly taken from my hands. It was Brandon who grabbed it away and I was about to protest, but he walked away ignoring me. Rude.

We talked for a bit at the kitchen's island and it was pretty nice to have caught up with everything I had missed because of Elijah's ugly obsessiveness. It's been literally five months since I have officially spoken to my best friends. I needed to go to the bathroom, and when I got out I froze once I laid eyes on the one person I did not expect to see here.

"Benjamin," I whispered.

I noticed that he was pretty nervous, and scared at the same time. As he should though, because I did not have to get my head bashed against pavement just for speaking the truth. Deep within my core, I felt a spark of anger, but it was not enough to have me run up and smash my fist into this boy's face. I forgave Benjamin a long time ago, but I really think that my feelings for him have faded. At this point, my love life is so scattered at the moment so fuck all of that right now.

"H-hey," He stuttered, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Hi, Benjamin. It's nice to see you here," I said with a small smile.

"Yea it's nice to see you too man. I hope you've been well," He said with speculated expression.

I giggled at the irony of his sentence. It is no surprise that I have not been well at all these past months.

"I am well now that I am here with you all," I said looking at everyone with teary eyes.

Benjamin tried to come in for a hug, but Maria stood in the way.

"It's all nice and dandy that you're here, but don't forget the promise you made his mom," Maria interjected.

"Maria it's fine," I said resting my hand on her shoulder.

She seemed iffy about moving but in the end, she finally did. As Benjamin came closer I started to get nervous and the moment our skins touched, a major flashback came into play and it was of the first day of school. The day Benjamin put me in the hospital. I was seconds away from being wrapped up in his arms and that's when I knew I was having another panic attack.

"STOP" I screamed.

Everything and everyone froze at my sudden outburst. Benjamin backed away immediately, but Maria being Maria, pulled him further back, letting him fall to the ground. In the midst of my breakdown, from my teary eyes, I saw Benjamin's face filled with regret, sadness, and guilt. I knew I couldn't take this feeling, so I ran out to the backdoor and into the yard to the Arthur Gardens. It is a very therapeutic place when you want it to be. I stayed there for about thirty minutes admiring the flowers that grew and even took out a few weeds. What am I? A mom?

The girls joined me in the garden and I think it was time to tell them what has been happening to me for the past few months.

"Hey guys," I said spreading my hands out for a hug.

We stayed in that position for quite some time, but Jane pulled away wiping the tears I had no idea were coming out.

"Jamie, what's going on? You can tell us anything. You know that?" Jane said rubbing my back comfortingly.

"Yea, but please take your time my love," Annie reassured me while giving me a small smile, while Maria gave me a nod.

"After Elijah and I's first encounter...."

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