Misery of Heriotza

B i l a n g XXVII

"I told you I'll be at the lake.."

I don't know when did it started, maybe when she save me when I was on the edge of dying? Or when she smiled at me with her fangs? Maybe it was when I first saw her on the lake.. maybe it's that day. The day that her voice became a lullaby to my ears.

"You're so weak."

From lullaby, it has become law.

"Were you that scared to faint?"

I tighten my shut eyes before slowly opening it and looking at her. She's looking at me with a warm eyes.

When she shed a tear, I can't deny that I was glad. Maybe, finally she'll be able to feel something.. besides pity and anger.

I wanted to see that tear again. I want to wipe her tears away, gently caressing her soft cheeks.

My eyes automatically shut when her cold hands brush my hair and caress my forehead. She's sitting besides me, on my bed.

"Are you awake little kid?" She giggled.

I wasn't able to react.

"Did I really scare you?" She then brush again my hair with her fingers.

I am not scared because you did something brutal.

Am I not scared?

I shook my head and just look at her red eyes. Letting myself get stuck again.

"I just showed you how to manage people who wronged you." She said. Her hair fell on my cheek and right eye. I didn't move. "Your hair is better this way. Why didn't you did this st--"

I moved my head.

"Rude." She said. "You hungry little kid? You should eat." She walked towards the sofa near my bed, there's a table and there's food in there.

I don't know if I should be glad that Heriotza has to rest after father's death.. but on that time, I wanted to depend on someone, I needed someone. I expected it to be Heriotza but she shut her door and took a deep and long sleep.. but at the same time, maybe it's the right to thing to do. Instead of taking care of the young me.

I just look at her waiting for my response.

What could be our relationship if you didn't rest for a decade? Will it change? Will it change to the thing I'm most scared of?

Maybe it's really the right choice. Being far from Heriotza who is much.. much older than me.. than all the living person right now.

I'm scared that she'll always treat me like a kid, the sick, young and weak human boy he met.

I lick my lower lip and sit on my bed facing her.

She smiled at me but I didn't move towards her.

"Be honest with me Heriotza." I said in a low tone. "If I'm not human.. you'd treat me like your son.. r-right?" I crack. I stuttered on the last part.

A moment of silence before she crack a laugh.

"You're a human." She said laughing.

Her words woke me up. I clenched my fist.

"Why.." Why won't you see me as a man?

I've waited a decade to finally talk to you.. maybe things could work out since I'm little older now. I've mature..

Did I?

"Leave, I'm tired." I said and lie on my bed again. I hear nothing.

It's hurts.

First heartbreak indeed hurts.

Heriotza is already standing besides the bed when I heard her laughs.

"You're really like Iñigo, always amusing me." She said.

I didn't answer.

"It's a waste that Iñigo died then. He could've have seen you grow taller and a little rude."

"We're not that close. Don't act like we are." She gasped with what I said before cracking another loud laugh.

It's annoying.

"I'm tired, plese let me sleep." I said to her. "And don't care about me, wag mo akong piliting kumain." I whispered.

Instead of listening to my words, she sat on my bed.

"Why not?" She ask.

I didn't answer her.

I just shut my eyes feeling her presence besides me.

"Kale.."

Maybe now is not the right time.. maybe I'll wait another decade? I'm good at waiting.

Maybe when I become the Emperor that she always wanted?

No.. when I become the Emperor, I know the time's up.

Because when I become Emperor and trample on the people who hurt her. I'm no longer useful to her, or maybe..

I'm thorn. I don't want the time to move fast and succeed our plan, but I also want time to move fast so that I can grow more, physically and mentally, I might be able to reach her then.

"What are you thinking about Kale?" She asked.

"Future." I whispered.

What would be my future without her?

I've already accepted my death when I was younger.. but then she came and smiled at me.

I lick my lower lip and open my eyes to meet her gaze.

I want to be a man to her eyes, I want to erase her memories of father.

Father must be really my father.

Falling inlove with the same woman.. a uncertain one.

Mom, I'm sorry.

Heriotza smiled at me.

"I.." I paused. "I'm tired. Please leave." She sighed before nodding.

"Kale.." She moved towards my face. I expected her to bit my neck but her lips landed on my forehead. "Maligayang kaarawan.."

It's a greeting but it feels painful.

Maybe not right now Heriotza.. maybe soon in the future, you'll see me as what I wanted you to.

"Right.." I whispered. I look at Heriotza's red eyes.

I memorize all her face features. From the horn, to her red eyes, small and pointy nose, red lips that almost the same color as blood she drinks, and her fangs.

Paraluman.

On my 21st birthday, I was willing to wait for more days or even years for her, yet I fell inlove with her again.

It was irreversible, falling for Heriotza.

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