The First Time (vinnie hacker)

60

Angel Montoya

It was all a lie. Every fucking thing he's ever told me was a lie. Everything was all just built up on lies... how? How was everything a lie when it felt so fucking real.

I don't want to be here. I want to leave his room, his house, i just don't want to be here. Everything smells like him, everything in here is him.

"My love please" Vinnie begged in front of me, he's on his knees literally begging me to stay, "Please don't leave me" He is crying. He's trying to get ahold of my hands but i'm not letting him touch me. "Please just stay here let me explain everything, i'll answer every question you have, i'll tell you everything just please stay."

I can't even look him in the face. That's how bad he messed up. "I don't want to hear it" I cried in front of him, "Please let me go" I've been trying to walk out since the second i walked in here to get my keys. Well his keys. "I don't want to be here let me go home"

"Let me explain" He begged again.

"I don't want you to" He moved closer but i backed up, "I can't" I backed myself all the way up against his bed and that's when my hysterical crying started.

"Angel" He went over to me and held my arms

"Let me go!" I yelled, "You're just a liar! A fucking manipulator!" I hit my fists against his chest. "Everything you ever said or did was a lie!" He didn't try to argue or talk back he just pulled me against him and hugged me.

"I'm sorry" He whispered "If i could change everything i would but then we would've never been together. I would've never got to love-"

"Stop" I interrupted him, "You don't get to say that to me. Not now and not again"

"I love you" He held me tightly against him, "I'll do anything to prove that to you, i'm sorry" I gave up on trying to make him let me go and just let him hug me.

"Me and you are done" I sniffled, "I can't be with you, not after this" I spoke between cries.

"You can't drive like that and neither can i"

"I'll ask someone to pick me up or i'll ask someone here to drive me" I managed to pull away from him, "I'm just not going to be around you"

"Then stay and i'll sleep in Michaels room or the living room" I shook my head, "Please" He whispered, "I'll stay out of your way and we'll talk tomorrow"

I walked to where i left my bag and got my phone to check the time, 3:41 am... yeah no one is up at my house right now.

"Please my love"

"Don't call me that" I feel so bad, i've never in my life wanted to see him this hurt or see him cry this much but it's his own fault. "You can't"

"Okay" He wiped his face, "Sorry" I don't know what to do. I'm so in love with this man, i want to wipe his eyes for him, i want to tell him everything will be okay, i want to hug him, to kiss him, i want to take all this pain from him but i can't. Id be lying if i told him everything will be okay, id be hurting myself in doing any of that.

He's betrayed me so much since the day he started talking to me, he hurt me worse than anyone ever has. But he's also made me the happiest i've ever been, he gave me the best ten months of my life, he felt like home, he did everything for me.

But it was a lie. All of it.

He never loved me... he never cared for me... he didn't feel the same way i do. He loves his ex girlfriend. He did all of this for her.

"Stop saying sorry like it's gonna change anythin-"

"I don't want us to be done. I love you, i fell in love with you Angel, i don't want anyone that's not you. I made a mistake i know and you don't know how much i've tried to fix it, i tried getting out of that but i couldn't. I swear i'll fix it, please i'll do anything for you to forgive me and stay" I sat on his gaming chair, shaking my head and holding it in my hands.

"I can't be with you" It barely came out like a whisper, "I don't want you to fix it, you made a choice and you acted on it we wouldn't be here if you didn't." This hurts so much, "You did this for her so as of now you can go be with her. You love her, you wanted her back, you got what you wanted, she got what she wanted so go ahead" Please don't go with her. Fight for me

"I don't want her, i don't love her, i want nothing to do with her. You need to understand that, i did this because i was fucking stupid" I shook my head, looking right into his eyes.

"I told you i don't want you to explain, i don't want to know more of why you did it. It. Won't. Change. Anything. " I played with the ring on my finger, "Can you please get out now so i can sleep?" Vinnie nodded and went to his closet first to change and walked to the main door.

"I really am sorry" He walked out and closed the door behind him.

-

I couldn't bring myself to change into any of his clothes so i stayed in the dress i was wearing all day. I don't even think i slept... I spent the night crying and missing him.

It's still kind of early it's 10:35 and i'm sure my parents are up so i guess it's right if i leave now. I got myself off his bed and got the piece of paper that i've been dreading on touching for the past hour. If i do this then it's really over. I sighed and picked up the pen and started writing.

Vinnie... I know i'm a coward for not being able to say bye to you in person but it's easier for me like this. I love you, fuck i'll always love you but i can't stay with you. Maybe one day i'll be able to forgive you and we'll be friends but i don't think that'll be for a while. Please take care of yourself, good luck on the boxing thing i hope you enjoy it. Here's your ring since i don't feel right using it. I'm taking the car to get home but please go pick it up next week, my mom or dad will give you the keys but i don't think i can keep it. Goodbye Vinnie. - A

I put the pen down and took off the ring, bringing it up to my face so i can see it one last time. "So much for all those promises" I closed my hand around it, and placed it on the paper.

When i was grabbing my stuff from the chair i felt something on my foot which made me look down. "I love you Hera" I cried, "Take care of your dad" I crouched and pet her, "I will miss you so much Hare bear" I kissed the top of her head before getting up, "Bye little baby" I opened the door quietly and walked out, closing the door behind me.

I walked past Michaels room which was open and empty and went to the door but the living room was on the way so i came across Vinnie.

"You're leaving?" He spoke making me jump.

"Uh yeah" I cleaned my face, "My mom called me" I lied, "She needs me to do something for her"

"Oh" I turned to face him, he didn't sleep. I realized that when i looked at his eyes, "Were you just going to walk out?"

"Yeah i was, i don't think goodbyes are easy so i didn't want to go through that" He nodded.

"Then don't say it, if you're never planning on seeing or talking to me again then just don't tell me i don't think i can handle it"

"Me either" I agreed, "But i have to go" I turned back around and opened the door, "See you around" I heard him hum so i walked out and went to the car.

-

I've been sitting in the car outside my parents house for twenty minutes. I don't want to go inside, i can't see anyone i just want to be alone.

I feel so alone. He's the one person that was always there with me whenever i was sad.

But for the first time in my life i realized maybe i was destined to be hurt in every relationship and meant to only be on my own, no kids, no significant other.

For the first time in my life i've experienced falling in love and true heartbreak.

For the first time since meeting him i realized we were never really meant to be. He never loved me, he never will love me.

I was falling in love with him while he never fell out of love with someone else. I was the leverage to get his true love back.