It Will Always Be You (MxM)

34. Nathan

I glanced at Nolan who was busy enjoying with his friend and I wished to be in her place,it's not that I was jealous of her, no but I was in my thoughts in that I couldn't fandom what to think about at this moment. I want to enjoy my life with Nolan,god knows I want that but I couldn't shake off this feeling within me of thinking Nolan will leave me if he finds out.

How will I get back to my feet when he is out of my life, now I know my greatest fear was to lose Nolan and the kids. They are my life, if Nolan leaves me now, I will never be the same again, I might be strong like I show everyone but deep inside I am a scared man. My weakness is Nolan, last time he left was painful, so painful in that I spent months crying for him to come back but my heart healed.

Now he is back and showed me how being with him is exciting, beautiful and amazing therefore if he leaves me I will be a broken father--- ahhhh I don't even know. I know he can feel that something is wrong but I can't tell him, I really don't want to lose him, I want him with me cause now I know it will always be him, no one else but him.

" I'm sorry" I snapped my eyes from Nolan and Jessica peering towards Sebastian hearing him say.  " I really love you Nate, I have loved you for years and I thought you would love me at some point" he gulped his whiskey downing the whole glass. I felt sorry for him but you can't force a heart. If possible I would have loved him but I can't. All I feel for him is just friendship nothing else.

" I'm sorry Sebastian, if I knew this would hurt you I would have never agreed to that arrangement" I reply to him putting my hand in his " I am sorry if you feel like I have been toying around with your feelings. I didn't mean too Sebastian. I don't want to lose you as a friend, you're one of my best friends and I love you so much" I Said sincerely.

"Don't apologize. I knew you would never love me but I insisted thinking that one day you will finally see me. I knew what I was getting myself in to when I asked to start that affair, hell, Mateo and Theo warned me but my heart insisted. I should have stopped. I knew you loved Nolan. You used to call him every time we spent the night together. The way you cried after having sex. I knew you were thinking about him, I should have stopped" my heart ached that I have been hurting him all this time.

"I am so so sorry I didn't know, I feel bad about this" I say pulling him in to a tight hug " you're so incredible, handsome and gorgeous Sebastian one day someone would come a long and fall in love with you the way you deserve" I smile at him.

" Someone else but not you"

" Exactly" we both burst out laughing.

" I love you Nate and I'm ready to let you go. You love Nolan, I can see it in your eyes. If he makes you happy I wish you good luck" I nodded thanking him. " I'm sorry about what I said that day"

"It's ok let's put the past in the past." I replied my heart warming up seeing him smile like this. It was paining me seeing him sad.

" So tell me why are you sad" he asked smiling squeezing my hand in the process. I was happy that we we are back being like this. I really missed him even though it will be had to go back to how we were" Don't dare lie to me Nate remember I know you like I know the back of my head" I sighed, deeply looking back at Nolan who was still dancing with his friend laughing about something.

"Your the first person I'm telling this so Don't tell anyone" I whispered to Sebastian. He nodded as I extended towards him sitting near him " I am pregnant" I whispered to him.

" What the fuck" Sebastian drawled loudly I hastily palmed his mouth to shut him up. " Really" I nodded sipping on my water giving him the horrific look and he caught on it " why are you scared then, you went through it before and now you have the father around so why the worry" he knows me too well.