Beautifully Obsessed

Chapter Twelve : The bitter taste of regret

22/07/2021

This is the song included in the chapter, please feel free to listen to it!!

I hope you enjoy,

-Aphrodite 

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 My body sunk into the mattress as I let myself get lost following the patterned swirls on the wallpaper. A task that allowed me to shut off my thoughts, if I was to guess I would say it was around 4:30.

The sour taste of vomit remained in my mouth from me splurging up my breakfast after the realisation that I had let Noah kiss me hit me. I had tried scrubbing my mouth, but nothing could help me get rid of the bitter taste in my mouth.

I had locked the door as soon as I ran up here, which happened to have been approximately 3 seconds after the kiss ended. As soon as the lock slid into its crevice of the door the pounding guilt weighed down on my shoulders.

The water works that had been ignited lasted closer to an hour before I managed to even gain some control on myself, so here I was. Lying pathetically on the bed, face tear stricken, saliva acidic with bile and thoughts null as I pushed away the popping up faces of my family.

The look of betrayal in their eyes was enough to send me spiraling into the depths of despair about two more times before I perfected shutting my thoughts off completely.

Trying to bring some reasoning to my emotional mess of a brain, I came to the conclusion that with the way Noah worked and with what my therapist had labelled as emotional manipulation, the moment would have come sooner or later.

It just feels a bit worse that I only lasted 3 days in his presence, one of those days had been spent hung up in chains while being burnt. It was safe to say my mind and emotions were a mess and I brushed it under the excuse of hormones.

I had fallen too quickly back into a comfortable pattern of being blind towards the bad of Noah, I had separated two entities of him, the caring one and the one that could make me pee my pants with a glare.

The former entity was just as dangerous so I needed to up my game, I needed to get angry, at best I needed to be distant. I had done it for the past couple months. I could do it now when it counted, right?

    I found the trouble with trying to block out your thoughts was that the effort was in vain. No matter how much concentration was put into it, they always came back because who was I without my thoughts. They brought me back to the memory I was trying so hard to escape from, the kiss.

My fingers traced my lips as I recalled the event, the idea of it all made my stomach cramp up but the feeling, well, it was one that was familiar, one that was safe for me.

*Flashback*

It was a regular Saturday night, the young girl was sitting on the grass behind her house accompanied by her most trusted companion. Their music played softly in the background chasing away any silence that may attempt to surround them.

The girl's gaze was settled on the night sky, a most fascinating sight to her, oh how the stars and moon brought her comfort like no other. Well almost like no other, she wouldn't share such a moment with just anyone.

So there the slightly older boy sat, right next to her, his gaze settled on something so beautifully fascinating to him. Her.

No words had been exchanged between them for a small while, each one having the presence of the other as enough.