Painting Annalise

02.The burial of memories and emotions

I've decided to leave this line for comments on the motivational pictures <3

My brother; Aaron is a year older than me. It's believed that no matter how basic you are, there's no one else like you on the surface of the earth - or the universe. Which kind of explains why my brother and I are complete opposites, unlike myself, he is a social butterfly with friends more than I count or even dare to dream off. Always at events and going over to different girls' homes, he still has the decency to not bring them to our house.

That didn't stop the numerous girls from approaching me, asking me random questions just to get in his pants. And it all ended in two ways. I would ignore them completely or tell Aaron to get them to leave me alone if we crossed paths. Some of their faces would redden with embarrassment but little would scoff trying to cover up their shameful moment. It multiplied my enemies but I have passed the stage of caring what people think about me.

Aaron and I are never on the same page. There isn't much to think about, he is academically smart and good at different sports from track and field to swimming with the added bonus that he plays the piano. He's basically the school's golden boy while I am the weed addict sister people use to get to him. It was no surprise that as we grew up he hated me for reasons I searched for daily, till I couldn't be bothered anymore.

Unlike me, he always has a way of pretending he has it all together. However, I have never set up any perfect image so no one expects much from me. In the same way, I expect nothing from anyone because I'm not a fan of disappointment.

Aaron's a spitting image of my dad, the black hair he loves so much and eyes so black it's so hard to find emotion in them. While I have my mum's curly 3C hair which I never bothered making look neat, the stress of fixing it was always a waste of time. Unlike him, I have pale brown eyes you would almost call beige with black specks inside.

We never speak, even when I got bullied I never saw him stick up for me. If he actually did anything, it was to make people hate me more especially boys.

Not like I care.

Kicking away every pebble in my way, I walk through the rain slowly - with the hopes of spending my time outside. I am in no hurry to enter the house and let my mum's continuous wails fill my ears or watch Aaron send me disappointed looks.

No one among my group of friends knows about my dad's death, I don't know why I haven't told them. I mean there was no secret there but telling them confirmed what I forced myself to believe wasn't true. I had probably watched too many movies that left me convinced he had just disappeared for a while and would be back soon. Although a tiny part of me labeled the idea absurd, a large part believed it to keep me sane.

Plus, close to chewing noises, I hate pity. Knowing them, they'll try to act like they understand to comfort me but no one fucking does. And even the ones who have lost someone never lost a person like I did, in the area of relationship. Not every father-daughter relationship was the same these days. Including mine.

Letting the rain beat me I keep strolling as though the sun was shining, Knowing the town folks would have stared at me as though I was crazy but they had read the forecast and stayed home. A car speeds by, splashing water purposely on me, one look at the plate number I know it's Aaron.

Fucking childish prick.

He probably is drowning in guilt because he and dad never got along thanks to his whoring ways. They never stayed an hour without arguing so, Aaron's parties were his ways of avoiding confrontation and responsibilities. His usual honor roll grades dropped to average because according to him dad's corporate world would never meet the world he desired to build for himself. Imagine the shock I felt when he actually shed a tear for our father.

Liar. Pretender. Were the only words I could process.

He never displayed his affection for anyone except our mum. I guess he is what people like to call - a mama's boy.

Not letting my face show any emotion I keep walking till I see the grey house.

Aaron's car is still there surprisingly. My mum's car is parked next to it right beside my dad's SUV and then one of my only true friends; my bicycle.

Barging in, I get the attention of everyone in my house which is my mum and dad's relatives from aunty's to cousins. Funny how people I never knew existed when dad fell sick are all here claiming family.

My mum's bloodshot eyes immediately meet mine, after all these years all I can hear is a voice in my head calling her weak. For all my years as an observer one thing I've learned is nice people get cheated just like I was as a child, and just like my dad the moment he fell ill. A lot of people he helped stood in our parlor with sadness that could have been prevented if they had helped when we begged.

With no emotion displayed on my face, I walk to the laundry room. Placing my wet clothes in the dryer I get a blanket and walk up the stairs ignoring anyone who wasted their time staring at me.

"She hates me" I hear her whisper followed by tears and my aunties supporting words, but I slam the door shut before I feel any more hurt than I do right now.

I lost someone too.

My dad and I had an okay relationship, after all, it was always work before family when it came to him but that didn't stop the understanding we had.

He never bothered me and I never crossed his path, I loved him from afar but never had the guts to say it and today not only was I drenched in rain but regret as well. His smile flashes before my eyes causing my walls to crumble with immediate effect

Before I can stop the thoughts, my chest burns and so do my eyes as traitorous tears fall down my cheeks. The plain fact is I'm alone and no one can help with this unexplainable internal pain.

Maybe I had guilt in my heart because he was too good of a man and I never got the opportunity to show him that appreciation so I locked him out like I did everyone else.

A knock on my door causes me to wipe away the tears rapidly from my face. Slapping my cheeks, I make sure the door is locked in case whoever it is decided to barge in. 

"Honey we ordered lunch" my mum barely whispers from the door

"I'm not eating" I yell letting her know I don't want her in here

There's a long pause and I think she's gone until I hear a sniff.

"You've not eaten anything since yesterday" she tries again

"I'm not hungry"

"Just..." but I cut her off

"Please just leave me alone" I whisper but it's loud enough for her to hear, the sound of feet walking away was proof.

Laying on the bed, I bury my face in my pillow as a loud muffled scream leaves my mouth. 

I tug the roots of my hair as my headache multiplies, as painful as it looks or sounds It distracts me.

With my head hurting like hell, I lay on my bed with nothing but the blue velvet blanket that smells like him and my soaked underwear thanks to the rain.

Wide awake, I count the box patterns on my ceiling impatiently waiting for sleep to take over so my daily headaches could fade away. Eventually, it comes, and in the blink of an eye, my brother's loud knocking pulls me out of my dreamless night.

Only if he knew I never slept, but I keep quiet just to frustrate him. A few loud knocks later and I'm the frustrated one.

"I'm awake" I yell loud enough for my neighbors to be concerned.

I don't know if it's too early to update, but I'm just so excited to hear your thoughts.💕