ɢᴜɪʟᴛʏ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴜʀᴇ ⎮ ᴅ.ᴍ.

⌈CHAPTER 48 ⎮⎮ HATE IT HERE⌋

Draco Malfoy (POV)

I couldn't sleep at all.

Seeing Esme's wrists the way they were broke me. I'd never forgive myself for it. It just gave me further belief that... I did the right thing. I can't be with her.

I'm never like this. I never give a fuck who I end stuff with, I always just get someone new. It's so fucking hard when you still crave that one person.

The fact that I was choking on my words with her, I'm not fucking weak, she can't make me weak. I'm Draco Malfoy.

But she's Esme Ambrose. I can never hate her even if I wanted. Her loving me is a mistake, I'm a monster. She'd die if she stays with a death eater, then I really won't be able to live with that. I can't give her what she desires, besides I don't love her. I don't even know what that is. For fuck's sake I can't even communicate.

I already missed two days of class, all I did was work on the cabinet and drink. I wasn't sure how Esme was doing, I shouldn't care though she'll be fine. 

I got myself ready to the best of my ability and straightening myself up. This shit can't affect me, I have no distractions now. 

The common room was packed, everyone kind of rushing it so I figured class was going to start soon. I didn't feel like eating anyways even though I haven't been. I continued just walking to class. They were all fucking boring as always, I never concentrated for the most part, all I worried about was fixing that cabinet and Esme but that's out of the picture now.

My next class was potions, I watched Esme get out of her other class. I guess she looked okay, wait I need to stop looking.

But I can't. I stood there watching her from a far enough distance and followed her to class without her even knowing. She was by herself, clutching her bag and book in the other hand, her long hair falling down her back. I never noticed the way she walked, how easily it grabbed my attention.

Fuck.

Stop Draco stop.

I continued walking giving it a few minutes before entering. I practically had a war with myself trying not to look in her direction. Don't do it Draco.

Thankfully she sat behind me so I wasn't tempted to look at her. Blaise took a seat next to me as usual, "Didn't expect you to come."

"I didn't either."

"Yeah I could smell the alcohol on you."

I chuckled, "Hey can I ask you something?"

"Hit me with it."

I whispered, "Is Esme okay?"

Why the fuck am I even concerned?

It's not my business anymore.

"She seems okay but I'm not absolutely sure she's just been to herself a lot."

I was about to respond but Slughorn started lecturing. All I needed was to focus, just fucking focus. Blaise helped me catch up with the material I missed, nothing to hard expect the final coming up but that wasn't going to matter.

After awhile Blaise asked, "But how are you holding up?"

"Like nothing ever happened."

Blaise was taken back by my response, to be honest I wasn't sure if I meant it myself but that's how it's always been.

"I mean I'm fine Blaise."

"I just don't want there to be any tension."

"There won't."