Thirty-two

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Seconds, maybe minutes after Brandon storms out of the diner with Josh hot on his tail, I stand there, feet rooted to the ground until someone shakes me out of my trance. My gaze falls on Clarissa who has a hand on my arm, I blink the tears lining my eyes and try to reciprocate her smile which does little to comfort me. How could I let him kiss me? A married woman.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” I blink, my head bobs like a robot and she rubs the back of her hand against my cheek to comfort me. “Go after him.”

On cue, my eyes wander to the door like I expect Brandon to walk back in and ask for the car keys so he can drive us home as planned. The throbbing in my head intensifies, I scan the nearly empty diner save for the couple a few booths away with the nosy female who has her phone turned towards me. I stalk in her direction until someone yanks me back.

“I’ll handle that,” Clarissa volunteers when I turn to her with my lips in a thin line, “go after your husband.”

Husband. A tear slides down my cheek, I nod and offer her a shaky smile. I don’t want a video of us circulating all over the internet, especially not a bad one, we have done our best to keep our marriage private and I love it that way. Clarissa pulls me in for a brief hug, my hands hang limply by my sides and she pulls away to smile at me. Nudging me in the direction of the door, I pout, almost hesitant to leave and speed walk to my car.

Dumping my belongings on the backseat, my hand trembles and the key slips from me when I try to insert it into the ignition. Retrieving the bunch, I take deep breaths and try to start the car but the tears blinding my vision causes me to miss the ignition. Again.

Pressing my forehead to the steering wheel, explanations to unasked questions and worse case scenarios cloud my head. Brandon’s disappoint look plagues me, I sigh, afraid to see him right now, he probably doesn’t want to see me either. He didn’t spare me a glance. I swipe at the traitorous tears leaking to my cheeks and scoff, that husband of mine walked out without giving me a chance to explain. He must hate me now.

The passenger door opens, my shoulders relax at the familiar scent that invades the air. Clarissa’s hand comes to rest on my back, I raise my head and stare morosely at her.

“Why did you do it?” I blink, she clears her throat and her hand returns to her lap. “Why did you do it?” Her question sounds all too familiar. “Why did you let him kiss you?”

Surprise tinged with disappointment dances across her feature, my hand raises and falls back to my leg with a resigned sigh. My heart clenches at the look she sends my way while awaiting my explanation, I so badly want to wipe that expression from her face.

Without being told, she should know the answer to that question. I would never do that.

“I didn’t do it,” I whisper and take another deep breath to rein my nerves. Clarissa stares at me with her all-knowing smile, she shakes her head and her black hair tumbles out of her bun to frame her round face. The weight on my shoulders dissolves when she pouts.

“One minute we are talking and the next minute, his lips are on mine,” I murmur. I sigh, she grabs my hand in a gentle grip. “I didn’t kiss him,” I cast her a desperate look, she nods, “I would never. You know how rigid I am when it comes to things like that.”

We both know I am a conservative. I didn’t stay a virgin so I can let random, well, not random men kiss me but I will never let myself get carried away like that. He forced a kiss on me, my head sways, I will rather label that incident a form of harassment.

Closing my eyes as memories of Josh and I laughing before things went south flood my mind, I wonder what went wrong and let out a soft sigh. I am done with that friendship.

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