For You | Eren x Reader

Chapter 31- Just This Once:

"Like I fucking care about that," I replied, feeling the warmth of his chest on my cheek.

We stayed like that for a few moments, me trapping Eren underneath my arms while he stayed on the ground, stiff as a board, expression empty. Eventually, Eren mumbled something into my ear:

"Why did you stay here?" he asked.

What he should be asking is how I got in, I thought.

"I told you: I had a bad feeling," I replied.

"... But why did you stay?"

I paused, unsure what my answer should be. "Because I care about you," I concluded.

"How could you have gotten a bad feeling?" he asked flatly. "You've seen me at school: I do my work, I dress nice... I'm put together." Eren paused for a moment. "You've seen my wrists. The scars were fading."

"They were. And I was happy for you. But dressing up and smiling and acting like everything is fine doesn't make you cured— clearly. At least, I never believed it."

"Oh."

I wondered how badly Eren's wrists were burning right now. If he was in pain, he didn't show it.

"There's more to a person than their appearance to the rest of the world, Eren. And I'm not the only one who noticed."

I wondered how badly he was itching to cut himself again.

Silence.

"Yelena knows, doesn't she?" he asked softly.

"Of course she does. She just hasn't said anything more because she doesn't know what to do. We're all helpless." I shifted my weight until I was sitting upright before starting softly, "... I'm going to get up now. And you are going to let me help you, okay?"

Eren nodded numbly.

"Okay," I said, standing up and lifting Eren off the ground. His gray sweatshirt was stained crimson from the blood. I pushed the sleeves up further and grabbed a wet towel to wipe his skin down. I tried to be as gentle as I could, but on occasion I saw Eren's jaw tighten if I pressed too hard.

Although looking at it still made me sick to my stomach, I was doing better at controlling my reaction when I saw his cuts. I didn't want to vomit because I thought his cuts were gross— what made me gag was the idea of Eren feeling the need to do this to himself in the first place.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, dark hair hanging in his eyes. "You look sick."

I tried to reorient myself: "I'm fine," I replied. "Just tired. I'm going to grab you a clean shirt."

When I returned, Eren had washed his face, and the color was beginning to return. Even the brightness in his eyes seemed to flood in just a bit. I handed him a plain shirt and he threw it on.

"You always manage to show up at the worst times," he commented bleakly.

"I'm glad," I replied, smiling grimly.

Eren stared blankly for a moment. "... Me too."

As much as I wanted to ask Eren what prompted him to start cutting himself again, I knew I'd have to wait. Both of us were exhausted from the long night, and Eren needed sleep more than anyone.

I pointed to the bed that I had neatly made. "Go," I ordered. "You've been up for too long."

Eren raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have questions? You're always so nosy."

I chewed my lip. "I've learned that there's a time and a place for questions. Right now, you need to sleep."

"And you?" he asked, pulling the covers up and looking back at me.

"Give me a pillow and one of the sheets. I'll sleep in the tub," I said shortly. It was a good idea— that way, if Eren tried anything funny, I'd be able to hear it. All of his razors were in the bathroom, I assumed. Plus, even if they weren't, I doubt I'd be sleeping deeply in a ceramic tub anyway, so any noise he made would probably wake me up.

Yes, Eren and I had slept together before, so it was almost weird that I didn't suggest sleeping in bed with him. But, I didn't feel like the timing was right. I didn't want to intrude any more than I already had. Eren probably needed some space for himself anyw—

"(Y/N)?" Eren stared at me from the bed. I met his eyes. Eren sighed embarrassedly and looked away from me quickly. "Do you think... Can you..." Eren rolled his eyes and huffed at his inability to form a coherent sentence. "Would you mind staying next to me tonight?" he said quickly, words blending together.

My eyes widened. I was surprised by his willingness to accept me.

"Sure," I agreed softly, trying not to make a big deal about it. I followed him and sunk into the giant hotel mattress.

I kept my distance, lying on my side, facing away from him— I didn't know how close I was supposed to be, and I didn't want to overstep my bounds. I peeked over my shoulder and saw Eren lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling, breathing slowly. As I turned away, I felt something cold touch my hand.

Eren's ring.

I stared back at Eren, but nothing in his expression had changed to indicate anything had happened. He still stared absentmindedly at the ceiling, expression flat. But, underneath the sheets, his hand gripped mine tightly, his thumb rubbing familiar circles around the back of my hand. I turned away from him, pursing my lips to cover a small smile.

Alright, Eren. You can hold me like this just this once.