For You | Eren x Reader

Chapter 12- Ring:

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️- self-harm scars/blood

I walked into Eren's room and sat beside him. Mikasa waited outside to give us some privacy. Eren was hooked to an IV and he lied limp on the bed, completely passed out. I let him be, observing him from a distance. He looked calm and peaceful— for once. So different from the boy I had seen last night, or for the entirety of the school year. Though Eren was normally quiet, it was obvious that his mind was always somewhere else. Always being tortured by something. But the boy lying in this bed wasn't troubled or tormented. He just existed. He existed, and that was enough.

Eren was dressed in a plain hospital gown that failed to hide his bloody wrists and scabs. I grimaced as I scanned him over. So many scars... Why would he do this to himself? How long had this been going on?

One deep gash lined over them, covered with a bandage that needed to be changed. Eren's placid face shined lightly with sweat and the hospital lighting highlighted his angular nose and jawline. If it weren't for the circumstances... in a twisted way, I'd say he looked angelic.

I pushed his long hair out of his green eyes, which were closed at the moment. His chest rose and fell slowly as he breathed, the tips of his collarbones peeking out from underneath the hospital gown.

"I wish you'd stop covering your eyes like that," I mumbled, brushing his hair back. "I'd like to see them more."

He still seemed very out of it. Eren's eyes rolled open slightly. I pulled my hand back quickly.

"Uncovered enough?" he asked, a corner of his lip slightly upturned. His green eyes livened his face immediately, and I felt a sense of relief wash over me. He's still here.

Oddly enough, I had trouble meeting his eyes. There was something... frightening about it. I stared down at his wrists instead. No, don't look at that. I moved my vision further. His hands. Yeah, look at the ring. The silver, clean ring. He had always kept it polished so nicely—

I stopped, noticing that, in fact, his ring was not clean at all. Pieces of it were stained with dry blood. It seemed that there was nowhere I could look that would disguise what Eren had done last night.

Eren grinned, "What do you think of my new outfit? Pretty nice, right?"

I didn't want to respond. How could he be so upbeat? Doesn't he realize what he just did?

"Why won't you look at me?" he asked. I stared into space. "(Y/N)." Eren repeated, "Why won't you look at my face?"

"Do you have any idea—" I began, my voice low, "What you've done?" Eren stopped, eyes widening. "Do you even remotely understand—" I continued, losing sight of my sympathy towards him, "How horribly you've damaged the people you love?"

Eren's face fell. "I— I know. And I'm sorry. I just—"

"No. You have no excuse," I paused. "I can never forgive you for this."

He ground his teeth together in a grimace. "They're sending me to a psych ward tonight. I'll be gone for the week."

I kept my eyes glued to the floor, my hands balled into fists on my lap.

"They won't let me bring anything either. No gum, notebooks... jewelry," Eren scratched the back of his head before plopping it back down onto the bed. "I'm not sure what to do with this—"

He held his silver ring up. It flashed brightly in the white light, despite most of it being covered in grime.

"I'm not sure, either," I said.

"Think you could take it for me?" he asked hopefully.

"Not like that, I can't," I replied, referring to the blood stains.

"I can clean that. Dip that napkin in my water, please," Eren ordered, motioning towards the cup resting by untouched meal at the foot of his bed.

Not wanting to argue, I obliged.

He took the wet napkin from me, slid the ring off of his middle finger, and wiped it clean.

"There," he said, holding it up to the light and twisting it in between his fingers. "All clean. Will you take it now?"

I grunted, making no effort to lean over and grab it.

"(Y/N), please. Just for the week. While I'm gone."

Eren hesitantly reached over and touched one of my tightly-balled fists. I flinched away upon seeing his scathed arms move toward me. He pulled away immediately, a look of hurt and betrayal pooling in his eyes.

"I see," he said sadly.

"... Fine," I said quietly, holding out my hand begrudgingly to take it. Eren had already been in a state of mind where he felt that no one cared about him. I didn't want to reinforce it. "But I want you to answer a question for me," I continued. "I understand it's a difficult one, but... why'd you do it?"

"Do what?" Eren asked after dropping the freshly cleaned ring in my hand.

I squeezed it tightly: "Slit your wrist."

Eren bit his tongue and stared at me seriously. "The least you could do is look at me while I answer, (Y/N)."

I turned my head up to face him and he continued:

"I don't know. The truth is, when you're like me, you just... do things without thinking, sometimes. When you have no regard for your own life... nothing matters." He smiled without feeling. "The doctors said mood swings and that kind of stuff are expected for people with..."

"Severe depression?" I finished.

"Sure, if that's what you wan to call it," he coughed.

"That's what it is, Eren."

"No, it's not. I'm fine." He motioned towards his chest. "I'm breathing, aren't I? If I was truly depressed, I'd be in a coffin right now."

My stare hardened: "Don't joke about that."

Eren pursed his lips and stared in his lap shamefully. "Fine. Well, regardless, I did it just 'cause I felt like it."

"Can I ask what you were fighting about?"

"No."

"Okay," I said, pocketing the ring.

"You aren't going to wear it?" he asked, crestfallen.

"Not right now. I can't." Right now, it's too much of a reminder.

A nurse peeked into the room and looked my way. She waved her hand to usher me out.

"Well, see you later, I guess," I said goodbye to Eren, not able to meet his eyes.

"See you—"

The door closed behind me before he could finish his sentence. 

(A/N)~ Hey y'all! I hope you enjoyed these chapters! I know they were really heavy, but things will be lightening up soon enough so don't worry. And I know I say this every time I update, but thank you so much for reading and commenting-- it makes my day. I love reading what y'all have to say about my work and your reactions to everything-- it's so funny I die every time. Anyway, I hope you all are well! Hang in there!! Love you guys so so much ❤️❤️

Tune in next week on Friday, 5 pm pacific for more...? Or is there another time on Fridays that y'all would prefer? I want to cater to you after all, so leave a comment and lmk!

Muah~