My Green Eyed Lover

Oh.

Amelia's POV:

⚠️TW⚠️ intrusive thoughts

I am wide awake thinking about Morana. I'm terrified.

Cole said the nearest mental hospital, yet I don't know if it's a good one. If she's okay.

She hasn't called yet. I don't know if she's okay. Oh my god. I can't breathe. Fuck. Fuck fuck. Okay, Amelia, she's okay. She's just fine. Right? Oh my god, my mind is racing.

She's dead.

Stop it! She's not dead! She's fine!

She's dead. You set her up for death as soon as you agreed to go into the woods.

God shut up! She's fine! She's fine she's fine she's fine!

No. She's not fine. She's dead.

I go to the kitchen to get ice. I look at the knives.

Cut your hands off.

"What the fuck," I whisper.

Bang your head against the fridge until it's bloody.

"What the fuck!" I go and grab my phone, calling my therapist in a state of panic.

"Amelia, it's 4 am."

"Kylie I need help. I was having a panic attack and then I went to the kitchen to get ice to help- and- thoughts. Really bad thoughts!" I say.

"What kind of thoughts?"

"I don't know! Scary!"

"Amelia, I need you to tell me what kind."

"I don't know! Like cutting my hands off or banging my head against the fridge until it's bloody!" I say.

"You're having intrusive thoughts. It's completely normal in states of PTSD. Do you need an emergency session this weekend?"

"Yes. I'm scared of myself Kylie!" I say voice cracking.

"Scared that you're gonna hurt somebody?"

"No. But of my brain. This has never happened before.."

"Call your mom, sweetie. Or someone you trust. Have them come over and hold you. Is Ana there?"

"No."

"Okay, where is she?"

"At a mental hospital again."

"Okay, okay. So call someone else. I'll see you Sunday. Okay?"

"Mhm." I hang up and call my mom.

"Princess," she says sleepily.

"Intrusive thoughts. That's what Kylie labeled them as. It's scary. It's really scary I'm scared. Yeah.. scared. You know I haven't been this scared since Vegas? That was 2 years ago. Woah."

"I'm on my way."

"Okay." I stare at the ceiling on the couch. I zone out.

"Emma, Emma," she says snapping me out of it. I sit up.

"Hm?" I say.

"Hey.. are you alright?"

"No. I really wish Ana was here." She sits next to me.

"I know, I'm sorry baby. Where is she?"

"The mental hospital. She choked me until I passed out and then when I woke up she was gone. You wanna know whose house it was in?"

"Whose."

"Cole Mallory."

"The son of Sandra and Logan?"

"Mhm. Yeah."

"Oh.. how'd you meet him?"

"He lives in a mansion. In the middle of the woods. Ana and I went last night cause we couldn't sleep. I flirted with him a bit and she took it seriously this time," I whisper. She sighs and pulls me close.

"I was sent to their house with your dad. And... we knocked on the door. A little boy answered.  I got down on his level and asked where his mommy and daddy were. They were passed out. He said it like it was normal. He had burns all over his body."

"And then I saw Cole in the back. He was 14 at the time. I remember going in and walking up to him. And he just said, "you're here for them aren't you?" And I nodded. He just sighed and said, "thank you, the pain can finally stop." And I just... I cried. I cried on the spot."

"Because that case really hit close to home! It did! Cause you know I was in an abusive household until I was 16!" 

"We went and got his parents. Woke them up and took them down to the station. I wanted to interrogate Sandra. And I did. And I ended up screaming at the bitch. It was so bad. Your dad had to pull me out of the room."

"And then I saw him and his siblings. They had heard everything. Everything I screamed at her. And at first, I thought they hated me because of what I said. But Cole came up to me and just hugged me and kept saying thank you." 

"And I remember talking to these kids and finding out what they went through. And it hit so close to home. Emily, one of his sisters, was 13 at the time. And she asked me where she was gonna go next. And I didn't know. I just wanted to take them all in. I wanted to adopt them all."

"But that wouldn't work, so I made sure they weren't gonna get split up. I went to court with them. I made sure they were safe and fed, and then they got adopted into this beautiful family, and they were okay."

"They called me momma liv. They said I was their mom. The one they always wanted. I think about them all the time. That case was so personal and so close to home. That's how I wish someone fought for me. I wish someone had gotten us out of that household sooner."

"I wish it didn't get to the point where I couldn't go to school because I couldn't psychically walk, I wish someone had noticed! I wish someone helped and I'm still pissed at everyone who saw and didn't say anything!" She starts to sob.

And I hug her. I hug her so tight. I can't even say anything. I'm speechless. My mom never talked about her childhood. She told me she was in an abusive household but I never got the details.

"I can call him, mommy," I say.

"You have his number?" I nod.

"Mhm, you wanna see him again?" She nods.

"Yeah."

A/N- I love you all.💘

Domestic abuse hotline: 800-799-7233 - you aren't alone.