The Rogue Variable

Chapter thirty-nine

Thank god

The light from outside was dimming, and I thanked my brain that the only dream I had, was the lady for 10 seconds. The rest, had been blissful and dark. Alby's screams still hung in the air, and I shivered at the thought of what he was going through. But strangely, I was curious. After all, I had saved his life.

I trudged up in the bed, a slow, agonizing train of movements. I noticed a stick in the corner, probably a walking stick, a gracefully clutched it. I hobbled towards to door, putting my ear up against it to hear what was going on.

"Hey tommy," it was Newt, and his voice was coming from down the hall. "What're ya doing?"

"I want to see him. See Alby," Thomas stated, cutting to the point. There isn't any beating around the bush with this kid. We must've had the same train of thought, especially the timing. "No bloody way, shank. You go and March yourself back out there," newt Said, and I heard shuffling. "I need to see him," Thomas countered, relentless.

"It'll only make it worse," was newts reply, "and now, I'll walk you outside myself,"

The shuffling started again, but this time, obviously going downstairs. My chance opened, and I pushed open my door. As quietly as I could, I stumbled over to Alby's room. The creaks in the floors unsettled me, and more than once, my cane got stuck in a hole.

After the seemingly infinite trek, I came across Alby's room, the screams had temporarily subsided. I looked around me, before pushing the door open. Weak shouts came from Alby's body, as he writhed and convulsed. Green veins enveloped his body, and sweat was beading off his skin. The screams began to reappear, hollow and tortured.

I had saved his life, for this? No, I had caused this. This was a Griever sting. The contradictions in my brain caused me to freeze in horror. I couldn't move, and my jaw hung open. He began to violently scream, and it almost scared me more than the monsters who caused this. Another scream seemed to appear, and I realized it was mine.

The door stumbled open, and a pair of arms dragged me backwards, out of the room. I was still screaming, but it had subdued. When the door was done and shut, pale whimpers escaped my body. "Bloody hell Joannah! What the shuck is wrong with you!" Newt shouted, his voice hoarse.

"I needed to..." I trailed off, because I had even lost loyalty in my cause. "Bloody hell!" He took a deep breath, "you need to sleep,"

"No!" I sputtered. I had gotten lucky last time. I didn't want to risk the memories again. "I can't-"

Newt cut me off by scooping me up bridal style. "You're bloody sleeping," he demanded, authority in his tone. Before I could argue, I was laying in bed, and Newt was tucking me in like a child. Well, technically I still was. "Please don't leave," I whispered, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop.

He stayed silent before walking towards me, sitting on my bed. "We can't continue like this," he said, but I was confused.

Well, that just summed up the last two months of my entire life.

"We can't keep pretending... Or I can't keep pretending," Newt muttered, his eye laced with pain. "I don't understand," I muttered, my eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion.

"Joanie, I kissed you,"

Oh thats right. "Oh," was all I managed. "You said this was why we couldn't be together. But you saved them, everyone lived," he explained, his tone lighting up. "But I ran-"

"I bloody like you Joanie," he blurted out, and my gaze darted to meet his.

"I bloody love you,"

He just said he loves me. I could feel tears well up, as my throat ached for words. "I love you too," I whispered. The words had barely gotten out of my mouth when he pressed his lips against mine. I forgot any reason why I didn't want to be with him.

"Joannah... Please..." He pleaded, his eyes trying to convey his message. "Yes,"

His arms wrapped around me, and I breathed in his hug. "Okay... Well. You're being let out today," he paused, rubbing his hands over his eyes, "don't do anything bloody stupid,"

"No promises," I smiled. He smiled backed, and went for the door. Clint walked in at the same time, a small smile playing on his face. I had the notion that he had... Eavesdropped. I bet when I step outside the entire glade will know. After Newt had left, clint smirked.

Yeah, he knew. Rolling my eyes I breathed a "shut up,"

"So... You need to relax. Don't-"

"-do anything stupid?" I asked, cutting him off. His head bobbed as I steadied myself. The knobby came from before was once again placed in my grasp, and I felt its notches and odd angles carefully massage my hand.

*****

The day dragged longer than expected. Everyone was looking at me like I was a dead-man walking; which was half true. The work and energy surrounding me stimulated my adrenaline, so temporary energy was supplied.

At lunch, frypan gave me extra food, and saw the same frown on Adams face when he commented on my weight. From everything that had been going on; from being attacked, always injured, and the maze; had made me slightly underweight. But, I was starving, and accepted the extra food graciously.

Gladers gawked as I wolfed down a second plate, and Thomas then joined me. He seemed starving, and there was more eating than talking.

The day was only half done when a creeping sensation of boredom found its way under my skin. The deadheads seemed relaxing, and a leisurely stroll would be nice. The turmoil of the past was hopefully that.

The past.

The crepitation of twigs and leaves were a steady rhythm with my footsteps.

For some unforeseen reason, I once again, like always found myself in the spot where I had slept with Adam. Our spot. My bones creaking, the knobby cane resting to my side, I leaned back.

The wall was smooth, a cold slab of rock that encased me in more ways than one. I knew the tunneling darkness would soon come, as weights pulled my eyelids shut. I had a few momentary thoughts, right before I hibernated for the night.

I was guilty, for so many things. And when the time comes, I'll get what I deserve.

Her figure was there, I couldn't see her, but I knew.

"WICKED is good,"