Merthur One-shots

Of Crown And Roses

“What if you hadn’t returned back? What if something had happened to you out there and you couldn’t make it? How would I have--”

“Merlin,” Arthur held his hand, interrupting him. “ Nothing happened, you can stop worrying now.” 

His shoulders relaxed after Arthur held his hand and when he spoke, his voice came out calmer than before. “I have never been this worried before.”

“Then why are you this worried?” he asked.

“Because,” he stopped mid-way, as if he was having second thoughts about what he was going to say. Arthur gave his hand a light squeeze, urging him to speak. “I have never loved someone this much.”

Arthur’s lips curved in an endearing smile, his heart swelling at the words of his manservant. His servant whom he had known for being a clumsy dollophead who could barely find his backside on his best days. Whom he would joke about and playfully insult whenever he had the chance to, and even bickered with more times than he could count. 

“Well, I can assure you that,” he pulled Merlin’s hand up and rested it on his chest, right over his heart. “This heart will never stop beating before it comes back to you.” and with that, a tear rolled down the young man’s cheek.

Arthur had never felt the comfort he felt every time when Merlin was around. He found happiness in their daily banters. He found warmth in Merlin’s wide grin whenever Arthur did something that made him smile. So, he knew that his heart belonged to only one person, and that person was sitting in front of him.

“How can you be so sure?” Merlin asked, hesitantly pulling away his hand. “About your feelings, I mean.” 

Arthur didn’t like the lack of warmth he felt in the absence of Merlin’s hand over his chest. Also the idea of him having doubts about Arthur’s feelings towards him didn’t leave him feeling pleasant in any way. He sensed that Merlin had something else to say; something he had been struggling with, long before today.

He cleared his throat, “I don’t know what might be going in your mind right now,” he started. “But I can be myself around you, Merlin. And for me, there’s no higher form of love.”

And it was true. Merlin was the only one who could see Arthur for whom he truly is. He has seen him at all times, in all his states, good or bad. He was the only person whom Arthur trusted and… loved. It felt foreign, admitting it to himself and to Merlin, but it wasn’t a bad type of foreign. It was good. Good enough to make him worry more that Merlin’s reaction didn’t change even after Arthur assured him that he, too, feels the same way.

“But I can’t.” Merlin whispered. His lips trembled with pent up emotions that he struggled to hold in and Arthur’s heart sank. 

He had a feeling about where this was going.

Merlin stood up and turned his back to him. He watched as he raised both of his hands to wipe his face with the sleeves of his blue tunic. Arthur could feel the tension around them in the air as he sat in his candle lit chambers.

“I can’t be myself around you, Arthur.” Merlin said with his back still to him.

All the doubts and second thoughts that have crowded his mind for years, were now slowly fading into something clearer; something he has been figuring out on his own while trying to maintain a constant neutral behaviour around Merlin.