More Than This | THE WATTPAD DRAFT

Chapter 48

*As always, this story is on-going and changes will be made along the way

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Giovanni

We finally managed to drag ourselves out of the shower but we didn't stop there. We spent the rest of the night wrapped up in each other's arms, giving in to our burning desires. It must have been the early hours of the morning now and we lay in bed, her head on my chest as I listened to her soft breathing. My body was finished - I had devoured her in any way I could get her and I was overcome with pleasure right now.

She turned and faced me, her head still on my chest. I glanced down at her and her eyes were swimming with questions.

"What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?" I murmured

"Do you even want to be a father?" She asked softly

I didn't expect her to ask me that. We had both made it clear that we didn't want to deal with any of the outside world right now. We didn't want to think of tomorrow - we just wanted to soak in each other as much as we could. There was a lingering sadness that returned to her eyes and I hated to see it.

"Isabella, we don't have to ta-,"

"We do," she interjected, "We can't keep pretending this isn't happening because it is. You're going to be a father and that's a big deal,"

I took a deep breath in. I didn't want to have this conversation with her but she was right. I loved staying in this little bubble with her away from all outside forces but we were only putting off the inevitable here. She lifted herself from my chest and pulled the sheet over her naked body. She sat upright now facing me while I tried to put together my answer.

"I was pretty sure having kids was never going to be for me. I didn't want them," I explained, "But I can't explain the feeling I got when I saw the scan at the Dr's office,"

She remained silent and kept her eyes firmly on her hands in her lap. She had opened up the conversation and I had to be completely honest with her. I wanted her to know everything so we could figure out the next step together. When I was in that doctor's room and I saw the baby for the first time, I was overcome with unexpected emotion. I couldn't explain it.

"It reminded me that this isn't about me anymore and I have a responsibility to that little kidney bean,"

"Kidney bean?" She looked up

"Yeah the baby is about the size of a kidney bean now," I said sheepishly

"Oh,"

She averted her eyes again and I swallowed, trying to contain the rising guilt inside of me. I shouldn't have said that. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn't help that I felt a small attachment to the baby during the scan. I didn't even know for sure if it was mine but it wouldn't change the fact that in that moment, I felt something.

Tell her about the paternity test

The voice in my head was screaming at me to do it. Just tell her and maybe things would be different? I was at war with my head and my heart here. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her even more and since I didn't know the results, I was going to have to keep my mouth shut. The fear of the unknown kept me from being selfish for the sake of her.

"And have you and Casey spoken about how this is going to work?"

I shook my head, "There is still so much that is up in the air right now,"

She lifted her head to the side and stared off into the distance. She was so deep in thought - her eyes had squinted slightly as she clenched her jaw. I didn't want to upset her but I knew I already had.

"Isabella," I reached for her hand

"I've always wanted kids," she murmured, "I didn't hate the idea of having a family and it may sound so stupid now but I saw that with you, Giovanni,"

"Hey, I sa-,"

She stopped me and continued, "I saw it so clearly in my mind. It was something I was convinced we were going to have one day but I never imagined it would be like this. I know it's not the baby's fault and this probably sounds ridiculously selfish but I didn't want to have to share you, with anyone,"

I hung my head in shame. There was nothing I could say to change the facts right now. No matter how much I wanted to.

"What am I supposed to do now, Giovanni?"

I pulled her closer to me, "I don't know, baby, but I don't want to lose you again,"

"I don't even like Casey," she added, "I'm constantly reminded of how she told me you guys always find your way back to each other and how do I know that's not true? Look at what's happened,"

"I'm sorry, Isabella, I don't know how many times I can apologise for the situation we're in. This was never my intention,"

"I know that,"

"You're the one who is going to have to decide what you want to do now. I will take you any way I can get you - I don't want to have to watch you walk out of my life again but if that's what you decide, I will let you go this time," I murmured, "If that's really what will make you happy then I'll stay away. I won't keep rocking up unannounced. I won't reach out to you. I'll try my hardest to let you go because your happiness means more to me than anything,"

Every fiber of my being was hoping that it wouldn't come to that. I was hoping that she would tell me I was being crazy and that she wanted to be with me, no matter the circumstances. I wanted her to choose me.

Her eyes met mine and they were overcome with sadness, tears now brimming in them.

"I keep making you cry," I pulled her closer to me, "I don't want you to cry,"

"I just know I'm going to have to make a decision," she choked, "I've been putting it off for as long as I could but everyone is right, we can't keep doing this to each other. You already have so much to figure out with the baby, we can't have our relationship so up in the air,"

I held onto her and said nothing. I couldn't form the words. Deep down I already knew her answer - she was never going to get past the fact it was Casey having the baby. That was enough for her to walk away every single time she was reminded of it. I wish I had the results of the paternity test already. I could just tell her about it and if all was in my favour, we wouldn't have to keep saying goodbye. I could put all this shit behind me and she and I could build a life together.

Right now, there was nothing I could say to comfort her and it killed me inside.

"I think I need a few days by myself to think about everything," she murmured, "When I'm around you, I can't think straight. You consume me and it's impossible to pull myself away from you. I need some time to really think about what our options are and see what's best for me,"

"Okay," I murmured into her hair, leaving a kiss against it

I had watched her walk away from me a number of times now but a part of me always believed she would find her way back. I believed we were meant to be together but with the way she was talking now, I was terrified that this was going to be it for us. If she decided not to be with me, that would be it for real this time and I would have to accept that.

Please God, let those results come back soon