I Thought I Loved You Yesterday [Roceit High School AU]

Chapter 14 - You Know I Love You

[tw: deadnames i suppose? also janus did some stuff to virgil a while back but it's vague]

Janus stood in the wings, watching quietly before ducking behind the curtain. He saw Virgil sitting cross-legged on a stool, his phone lighting up his face a bit in the darkness.

He took a breath and quietly walked next to him. "Virgil."

The shorter boy offered a low grunt and didn't look up at him.

He sighed. Roman was probably right he probably should have just left the edgy one alone, but he had to know. He had to know why he hated him. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Virgil slowly turned his face to Janus, eyebrows raised. "Okay...?" he dragged out, uncrossing one leg. He stood up, turning away again and hiding his hands in his pockets, shutting off his phone. He started walking.

Janus drifted after him.

He pushed the door open to the hallway, holding it open behind him as the taller boy walked out. He shut it gently. "You don't have any changes coming up?" he muttered, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, nope. I don't."

"Then you better talk, and make it quick. Three minutes."

Janus frowned a bit, jumping straight to the point. "Why do you hate me?"

Virgil reeled, blinking. "What?"

"You don't like me. What did I do?"

"Uh." He forced a laugh. "Why?"

"Because...?" Janus' glare deepened a bit. "I don't know what I did to piss you off, so tell me and I'll fix it."

Virgil opened his mouth before shutting it and turning away. "What's your stance on trans people?" he asked quietly, fidgeting with one of the ripped parts of his jeans.

Janus' frown went away a bit. "Is that what this is about?" He hesitated. "When did I give the impression that I-"

"Shut up." Virgil frowned, thinking. "Andrea, 5th grade."

He tilted his head, slightly confused by the sudden shift in conversation. "Andy? What's she have to do with this?"

He rolled his eyes. "She is he, and he  is me," he said apathetically.

Sudden realization rolled across his face and he let out a long 'oh'.

"You get it now?" he muttered, reaching for the door handle.

"No, no, no- hold on. I mean, I get that, and I'm sorry." He laughed a bit, searching for forgiveness in the other's eyes. "If it makes you feel better, I've felt like shit since."

"It does, yes," he responded before glaring again. "But you still did it, and I still hate you."

"I hate who I was, too, Virgil, and I promise I've changed," he said quietly. 

There was a brief silence and Virgil nodded. "You do realize it'll take a lot more than an apology for me to forgive you, right?" he asked, his voice monotone.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes." He offered a small smile. "For however long you need, even if that's forever."

"Mmm." He bit his lip. "Forever does sound promising." He shook his head. "I...just need time to come around, okay?"

"Okay. Yes. Cool. Great."

He reached awkwardly for the door handle. "We good?"

"Yep. That was- that was all."

He nodded and walked back inside. "I mean, you've got a thing for Roman, anyway. I am not going to miss that shitshow going down," he laughed quietly.

"Wh-" He protested silently. "I do not!"

"Tell yourself that all you like, Janus, but if I can tell, then goddamn it, you're lying to yourself."

Around a half hour later, Janus was sitting quietly, emptying the batteries from the mics and putting them in their spots to be recharged, still not looking at Roman. After his little stunt on Saturday, he could only stare for around a minute or two, before remembering and quickly glancing away. And there was no way he was going to look at him when he was this close.

He put the final rechargeable battery in its spot with a soft click, his hand resting there as Roman moved and put away the mic packs. 

Tonight was opening night, and he could tell Roman was nervous.

"So," Roman said as he shut the cabinet. Janus flinched a bit, the small word echoing in the small space.

"So," he responded evenly, turning and leaning against the table, crossing his arms and forcing himself to look at Roman.

"I was wondering if..." The taller boy hesitated, biting his lip.

Janus frowned. "Are you okay?" he asked gently, tilting his head.

The thoughts came back.

Make eye contact. Let him know you mean well. Relax your shoulders so you're not aggressive. Raise your eyebrows-

"No, yeah, I'm fine, I was just wondering if you might want to-" He cleared his throat. "-might want to come with us to the after-party on closing night?" he finished quickly, looking away.

"Uh..." Janus frowned. "Sure."

"Cool. Great." Roman nodded and turned away, opening the door to the booth and letting Janus walk out.

They grabbed their bags and left. Janus scoffed quietly at one of the prom fliers. He'd never gone to one, and he wasn't planning on it. Logan and Remus usually hung out with him the entire night, and they stayed up until two in the morning going down YouTube rabbit holes and watching shitty movies. 

It was better than the mosh pit of sweat and hormones that was a high school dance.

And it wasn't like anyone was planning on asking him, anyway.

They walked out the doors. Janus turned to Roman. "We have to be back here at seven, right?"

"Mmhmm." He nodded. "Earlier if you'd like."

"Cool." Janus nodded and waved as he walked to his car.

Virgil's comment played back in his mind. 

"Tell yourself that all you like, Janus, but if I can tell, then goddamn it, you're lying to yourself."

He shook his head, grabbing his phone and typing 'crush guys girls sexuality name' into the search bar and hitting Search.

Bisexual. Hmm.

He stayed there for a bit, reading through the pages of information and comparing them to himself. 

Finally he realized that if he didn't leave right now, he wouldn't have time to eat and change into darker clothes. He closed the tab and started the car, the term bouncing around in his mind.

Bisexual.

It fit.