Binary Boyfriends

11 ~ Secrets

[ Miguel's POV ]

I was making myself a bowl of soup when I heard a knock on the front door. I put down my soup and walked over to see who was there.

"Hawk? What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah of course man, come in. Make yourself at home."

I grab my soup and we both walk to my room. (a/n: if anyone watches grey's anatomy, miggy and his soup reminds me of cristina and her shoe) I sit on my bed and Hawk stands in the door frame for a couple seconds before awkwardly stepping into my room and closing the door behind him.

"You can sit down if you want man."

"Ok," he said scratching the back of his neck. I could tell he was uncomfortable, but I didn't know why.

He walked over to the desk I had in my room and pulled out the stiff wooden chair sitting underneath it. He sat backwards on it and faced it towards my bed. He was playing with his fingers and seemed really anxious. I took a gulp of my soup and then figured I was gonna have to strike up a conversation first, even though he was the one who came to me.

"So... you said you wanted to talk about something," I said slowly spooning my soup into my mouth staring at him curiously.

"You and Sam are happy right?"

Well that was blunt.

"Um yeah, I'd like to think so," I chuckled, stirring my soup a little bit so that it stayed warm.

"What does it... feel like."

"What do you mean?"

"Like... when you're with her. How does it make you feel?"

"Well I mean, sometimes it can be rough. We argue a lot, but we always find our way back to each other. It's just like this weird connection that's always there, even when we're apart. She makes me happy and when I'm with her... it's like she's the only person on the planet."

Hawk looked at me almost awestruck at what I had said.

"Sorry. Too much?"

"No, no you're good. I think I know that feeling actually, but I don't know. It's hard to tell sometimes. Ya know?"

"Yeah definitely dude. Girls can be confusing. Do you wanna talk about it. I know the breakup with Moon was super hard on you."

Hawk looked at the ground and started fiddling with the chain around his neck.

"Hey dude you can trust me, I promise. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I'm here for you bro."

Hawk stayed silent for a little longer, giving me time to finish my soup. I stayed quiet too, giving him time to think, and I put my bowl on the small table next to my bed.

"It's not Moon," he said. Still staring at the ground. His leg started shaking and I wanted to try and calm him down, but I wasn't exactly equipped to deal with these situations.

"Oh, my bad. I just assumed- well here how about this. You don't have to tell me who it is if you don't want to, but just tell me how they make you feel," I said, hoping to ease a little of the tension in the room.

"Well I mean, it's like... I can't breathe when I look at them, but in a good way. I've never felt this way before and it's... kind of, not... terrible?"

He took a brief pause and slid the chair he was in closer to my bed.

"They make me angrier than anyone ever has though. Some days I just never want to see them again, but the second they're gone it's like... an empty feeling, I guess."

I looked at him with wide eyes. I've never seen Hawk so vulnerable besides when he was Eli, and I never expected this to come from him. My mind was rapidly trying to figure out who he could be talking about, but then I thought of how selfish I was being trying to figure out his own secrets when I had told him he didn't need to tell me.

"Wow man. Not to scare you or anything, but... that's definitely love."

[ Hawk's POV ]

Love.

I heard the word come out of Miguel's mouth, but I couldn't process it.

Love.

I had never really thought about what all of this meant, but I guess it made sense if I... loved him. I was sweating so much my skin felt like it was going to melt off.

"Could I use your bathroom?" I said, needing to get out of there for a little while.

"Yeah of course dude. When you walk out it'll be the first door on the left."

"Alright, thanks man."

I stood up abruptly causing the chair to make a horrible sound against Miguel's floor. I got out of it so quickly it almost fell over. Before Miguel could even blink I was out of his room and on my way to the bathroom.

I shut the door behind me and stared into the mirror. Whenever I got anxious I wanted to punch something, anything. I mean, that was kind of just my reaction to every emotion, but the anxiety made it ten times worse.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

Remember what it was like when you dated Moon? You obviously like girls. She was so sweet to you and kissing felt like fireworks were going off.

I guess that could just have been because it was your first kiss and your first girlfriend.

But, you obviously liked it.

Well yeah, I guess that's just a normal human reaction to something you've never experienced before. Something good.

But Demetri... he was your best friend. Nothing more. Well except that one time...

A memory flashed through my mind, but I quickly shook it away slapping my head a little bit.

Even if you don't like girls... Demetri clearly does.

I mean I guess he could like girls and guys, but he's only ever had his eyes on girls. Always talking about Yasmine's hair. Her smile. Her eyes.

God it made me sick.

Snap out of it Hawk.

I turned on the sink and splashed water on my face. I knew Miguel would get concerned if I spent too much time in here so I tried to compose myself. I slapped myself once more and stepped out of the bathroom.

Miguel's door creaked as I opened it and I could see his eyes shoot up at me right as I entered his room.

"Are you... alright man?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine dude."

I looked directly at him for the first time since I came to his house. I could see how concerned he was for me and it made me relax a little bit. He truly wanted to make sure I was ok and it really meant a lot.

"Actually, I don't know... to be honest."

"Do you want to talk about it more? It's fine if you don't want to, but I want to help."

I stayed quiet for a little bit and he spoke up again.

"Is it... someone I know"

I felt a wave of nausea fill up my chest and my throat. I wanted to be honest with him, but I had never been so scared.

"Again you don't have to te-"

"Yeah," I paused.

"You know them."

"Is she, from our school?"

"Yeah... they are"

-

"Well,

he... is."