Our Little Secret ➳ Camila Cabello

sixteen

After we got into the house, I felt like I really needed to bathe. Taking baths usually made me feel less stressed. I looked at Ally with my puppy dog eyes, which were natural at this point considering that I haven't stopped feeling shitty about myself, and begged her. "Ally, can I please take a bath. Not a shower, but a bath. I know it's a lot to ask for, but I really-"
Ally grabbed my hand to guide me to the downstairs bathroom door, "Yes, you can. I'll start it up for you."
As she started filling the tub, I sat on the toilet seat. Ally put her little soap bubbles to make it start foaming up and reached into a cabinet to grab me a blue, fluffy towel.
I sat staring into the bath, not paying attention to the things around me. All I could think about is that I won't be able to stay here that long without my parents finding me again. I'm going to have to move back with them. They won't stop.
Ally snapped her fingers as she pulled me out of my trance, "Y/N! Are you okay?" I nodded. Ally placed a long black shirt in my lap. Long enough to cover my body and instructed me, "You can use this to sleep in until we can get you some of your clothes from the bus tomorrow."
I nodded as I sat the shirt on the counter, "Thanks, Alls."
Ally stopped the bath water as it began to fill over half way. She smiled at me and pulled me in for a hug. "I love you, y/n. I just think you should know that." Ally began to walk out of the room, but then turned back around to look at me. "And don't worry about cleaning up after yourself in here. I'll do that."
I nodded. Ally closed the door and I began peeling myself out of my outfit that I had been wearing all day. I dipped my body into the warm, soapy water and felt a rush of relief flow over me. The water swooshed from side to side until it finally became still around my body.
I couldn't help but be surrounded by my thoughts alone in the quiet room. For a while, the thoughts were good but I couldn't shake the bad ones. I tried to think of things about Mila I liked, but it was no use. The bad thoughts over powered me.

Why do I always fuck up things that are going good? Especially with the girls. They don't need me stressing them out even more. They have a album and a successful future. Mila would be happier without me. Everyone would be happier with out me. Especially since they'll be without me soon anyways once my parents get me. I can't bear the thought of those parents, who I refuse to take ownership of, trying to take me back to their house to hurt me. Maybe if I just go under the water, things will be okay.

I loved the water. It was deafening and calming. The clear liquid was something I constantly took refuge to.
I began to sink my head down further and further into the water until I was completely submerged from head to toe. I held my breath until I found comfort then slowly let the air out of my body to relax and completely let go. I could hold my breath under the water for almost 2 minutes at least before I started struggling. As the two minutes passed, I did my best to just try to forget the fact that I needed air and just focus on Mila and all of our good times together. Moments that seemed like forever passed and I began to completely fade out to black.
I woke up on the floor with Ally pressing her lips to mine and I began coughing and water spewed from my mouth. Ally quickly wrapped me in a towel and hugged me tightly. "What the hell were you thinking, y/n?" She yelled in a whisper voice so she wouldn't wake anyone up in the house.
I couldn't help but be stunned that someone actually found me in time. So stunned that I actually broke down, leaving no room for modesty. I was afraid and sad, and nothing else could make me feel anymore stupid than I already felt. I couldn't even end everything correctly, "I don't know, Ally." I cried feeling so bad about myself.
She hugged me tighter, "Why would you do this to me? To all of us? What makes you feel like there's no way out? We are protecting you."
I frowned, "You can only protect me for a little bit. They will find me and take me away. And when they do, this is bound to happen anyways. At least I'd be happy here."
Ally started to tremble and her lip began to quiver. She was almost tearing up, "You were gonna do this if they took you away?" I nodded reluctantly looking away. I couldn't bear to see her cry either. As a matter of fact, when any of the girls cried, I was dead inside. "Then we will make sure you stay with us. All we need is two months until you're able to make your own decisions for your well being." It grew quiet as Ally got up from the floor, "We will figure something out, y/n. I promise. In the mean time, please stay strong. You mean the world to me." Ally grabbed the shirt she gave me, and started to walk me out with it clutched in her hand. She handed it to me with a smile, "Take this and I'll see you in the morning. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone especially Mila."
"Thank you, Mama Alls." I said shooting her a half-smile.
I walked into the guest room where Camila was laying on the bed, and texting. She looked at me with a worried glance, "Are you okay, baby? You look really drained."
It could've been the lack of oxygen I just went through, but I wasn't about to say that. I dropped the towel and slipped the big black shirt over my small body. I nodded and collapsed on the bed beside Camila. I wrapped myself in the sheets and heard her screen lock. Camila wrapped her arms around my waist after she got under the covers too, and pulled herself close to me. I felt her lay her mouth on my ear, "I love you, y/n. More than anything. I'm sorry I was even able to let him take you from me for a millisecond. If it happens again, things will change. I swear."
"You were caught off guard, babe. You didn't know what they were capable of. I know you did your best." I admitted scooting closer to her.
Her voice was shaky, "I don't know what I would've done if they would have gotten away with you. I'd probably travel to the ends of the earth to find you."
"You're just saying that, Mila."
"No I'm not, y/n. You mean everything to me. My family is important too, but you are my family. You're basically my wife at this point, babe. We've been through too much to let it slip away." Camila paused to think. I turned towards her to see that she was on the verge of tears. "I'd give up this appearance, even this job if it meant that was the only way to get you back from those fucking assholes."
One tear dropped from her eye as I quickly wiped it away, "Camila, baby. Please stop this."
She couldn't help but feel bad, I couldn't stand it. "Y/n, I just want to protect you. I have never felt so helpless or lost. That moment running through the streets when I was looking for you, I felt like I was a ship without its compass."
"You're so sweet and cute, but you can't protect me all the time." I put my hand on Camila's waist and rubbed her flesh lightly back and forth with my thumb. I tried to sound chipper to get her to smile.
It didn't work, her voice was still broken. "Who says I can't? I believe I can make sure you're safe and sound until we both end our lives in this world."
I couldn't help but think about the few moments of freedom I had only a couple of minutes ago. I was almost gone. What would that have done to Camila? She's so broken up about this mess. What if Ally didn't find me in time? Could Camila handle my death?
I gave Mila a quick peck on her forehead and looked at her with warm eyes. "I'll protect you as long as you plan on protecting me." I looked deep into her unsettled eyes, "Camila, can I ask you a question? A hypothetical question." She nodded. "What would you do if I died?"
Her nose began to get red as her eyes started to brim. "Don't talk like this, babe."
"I need to know."
Camila squinted her eyes, "Is there something you have planned? Because I'm completely against it."
I quickly squeezed her side then went back to caressing her flesh again. "I'm speaking hypothetically. I just thought I'd ask."
One tear dropped from her eye, "I would be sad. Really sad. This would probably be the last straw and I'd definitely announce who I really am and who you really were to me. There'd be no reason to hide it anymore." Her voice was rasping with every other word she spoke.
"I wouldn't want you to be sad or do anything you'd regret later." I admitted feeling her side tense up.
"I couldn't help it. You are my first real love. And hopefully my last real love." Her smile was sincere yet I know the topic was killing her.
I kissed her cheek and saw her brighten up a little more than she did before.
We both fell asleep, although I know she watched me drift off into my slumber before she felt safe to do so for herself.