Falling petals

Shame on me.

'Maybe feeling safe with them and believing in them isn't so bad. They did come and save me.'

"Is it to hot Sakura? Do you want to wait for it to cool a bit more? Is your wound hurting more? If so, just tell me and I'll take you out ok?"

His constant questions of worry made her smile, yet in that smile so many things were said.

'So much care. I really wonder what I did in this life for them to treat me so well.... what wrong did the others do though that she was never shown such care until it was too late, why didn't they believe her when they practically watched her grow up, was it her attitude? one that was strictly pushed into her from tutors, her way of seeing life. It wasn't even her fault! She was taught the etiquettes of a royal princess and the way that is proper of how she should interact with others, so why was she always condemned yet Rose treated preciously when she went against or did so many taboos in a noble and high society? If Sakura had acted like Rose, would she be loved a bit more? Or is it because Rose is just more important.... will she always take away Sakuras family and friends?..... will I personally experience this even with all that I have done to be loved? Will I be condemned by them too?'

Her eyes that held so much emotions died out, only her smile and her eyes that held no emotion was displayed toward Uriel, like those of a doll in display who's only use is to be pretty and taken care of, no need for emotions, just to be displayed.

Uriel froze for a split second but still placed her down when she didn't complain. A person would normally find such a child reliable and more lovable, but for him, it made him worry more and he just felt like holding her and crying for her, to tell her it's ok.

He knew the look too well that Sakura displayed. It was a look Mihkael would always have when looking at people who only saw him like a useful tool. A look of putting a distance to hide his emotions. To not reveal a wince of a weakness for them to take and use. One he did to never be hurt and to keep a front.

Knowing Sakura is doing this right now with all of them hurt him so much, he knows she was never physically hurt, nor emotionally battered, well non that she would say at least. And he definitely knows how adamant Mihkael was about her not learning the darkness of the political world of nobles, at least not until she becomes 10.

'Yet here she is, as good or even better than he was about covering her emotions, about keeping a distance. Yet I know she trusts us and loves us as much as we love her, yet there are moments like this where she seems to kill of that trust on us. Why, why does our beautiful girl do this to herself? Why doesn't she allow herself to believe in us? What does she hide from us, and what does she tell herself that makes her do this? 
My dear princess. So many questions, but you are the only one who holds the answers. I just hope you will one day tell us, to let yourself believe in us and know we will always be there for you. We will never turn our backs to you with whatever that troubles you.'

"....."

Sakura quickly looks away from his face. She felt a pain in her chest when she was seen with such eyes of careful care and so many more. The emotions she tried to keep in check wavered once again but she won't, or cannot allow it to bloom, she needs to keep it as a bud in slumber to forever wait for spring to come, or better yet let it wither to nothing.

But being shown such care and love tires out her resolve, her constant guard against them and on herself takes a toll, especially after doing it for 4 years. But the thing that keeps her going are the constant reminders of new memory appears each week or so from so many failed Sakura's. Always a haunting reminder to not let her guard down, to not be broken as much as they always have been, always growing insane with the reminder she will never win.

'Like the saying goes: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times shame on both of us; yet Sakura was fooled too many times that that saying would just be a "shame on me." On repeat. That's why I won't be the added fool in this life.'

Her resolve to not be allowed to truly experience the pain of really having all them turn their back to her and feeling betrayed and hurt by it, she decided to just accept the love for now but to always remind herself it won't last for long, so to never, ever grow attach to them.

'I can't allow my turn as Sakura to end up in tragedy, I won't always believe in their display of care and the thought of them seeing me as something important, because they would- no, they will leave and turn away to believe in Rose and believe those around them say I always bullied Rose, they will forget about me and there is nothing I can do about it, so the only thing I can do is use them for my survival, nothing more and nothing less.'

She closes her eyes and leans in his shoulder. Uriel gently patted her head while using his fingers to patiently and slowly remove the twigs and leaves in her hair.

His soft touch made her bury her face on his shoulder, and he allowed her to, he said nothing from the damp sensation in his shoulder or her small trembling. He would not push her and will wait when she decides to say what's in her mind. For now, he will lend her a shoulder, for whenever and forever she needs it, because she is their precious child, their precious family and nothing will ever change that.

A/N:
At this point I'm just stalling with my writing. I'm just wondering if I should give a bad end or a good one....... should I write tragedy in the tag? Lol jk jk. I'm still no where near the end of this book😭
Well hope you like the chapter.