Bad Obsession (Guns N' Roses: Izzy Stradlin)

Chapter 64: Mannheim, Germany

24th August 1991 – Mannheim, Germany

I had never been so anxious about being away from home before. It was an unsettling feeling, and being a little bit homesick didn't help, and my uneasiness would soon grow to such an uncomfortable level it would end up causing me to snap. I had been in Europe for about two weeks, and being away from Mel and Ripley was slowly destroying me. Ripley had only just survived her poisoning, thank god; if Mel had taken her to the vet any later, Ripley would not have made it.

She was in a very delicate state, we had to feed her a strict diet of low fat and low protein meals, as well as forcing her to swallow special antioxidant vitamins to assist her organs to repair after the damage they went through. It was almost like looking after a baby, or a really old person, at least that's what it felt like. The day we were able to bring Ripley home was an emotional one, Mel cried with joy and sadness when we finally had her back in our house, seeing her curled up on her dog bed. I will admit I let out a few tears but I tried my best to contain them as much as possible. Ripley almost looked at us in the same loving way, but you could see the exhaustion in her eyes which just made me crumble inside. She slept more than usual and wasn't as energetic, but the vet warned us that that would be the case for at least a week or so.

Mel tried to reassure me that she would be fine without me while I'd be away overseas, I mean I wouldn't be gone for that long, but it was long enough for me to stress about her and the dog. I knew Mel would be perfectly capable without me hanging around, but with the then-current circumstances, I wasn't keen on being away from her. She had organised many catch-ups with Deborah, and her parents were going to fly in from their home in Australia to live with her while I was away.

"We're still getting here way too fuckin' early," Matt laughed sarcastically, breaking me out of my thought process, as he drummed away on a cushioned chair.

I tore my eyes away from the blur of his drumsticks and stared up at the clock on the wall in our backstage dressing room. I exhaled the smoke of my nervous cigarette as it almost created a temporary shield between myself and Matt, and I responded with a scoff. Before you get angry, I had been very good, thank you very much, at cutting down on my smoking, but when stressful things happened eg. Axl showing up late, I always caved into temptation.

Nine Inch Nails had finished their set over an hour ago, and as the time passed the crowd got more agitated. They grew louder and louder as they chanted away, and we got more and more anxious as the minutes ticked over. None of us mentioned it, but we were all thinking it; please don't let this be St. Louis 2.0.

Duff and Slash sat slumped on the couch in the corner of the room, both of them holding a bottle of straight liquor and a cigarette, as they stared anxiously at the wall closest to them. Matt continued to warm up and drum away on his chair, every now and then I saw his gaze move up to the clock then back down to his hands. Dizzy kept to himself as he peacefully read some rock music magazine, and I leaned against the small kitchenette sink, powering through my pack of cigarettes.

"You ready to go?" A familiar voice boomed from behind us.

Axl suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and he made zero effort to apologise to us; he just glided past our door and made his way towards the stage. Alan, our manager, was shuffling behind him and he looked at us sheepishly.

"Axl has just been working with his vocal coach back at the hotel, but he's ready to go now."

I heard Matt mutter some profanities under his breath, whereas the rest of the guys quietly sighed in disappointment. The joy of performing for thousands of fans every night was quickly being taken away from us. It's hard for me to hate on Axl due to our history together, and I knew he had demons he battled with, but it still baffled me how he never seemed to care that he was letting us and our fans down and that he was draining us physically and mentally.