broken (k.p.)

It Hasn't Been The Same

Days have passed since Kai turned his humanity back on, and it hasn't been the same.

I know I can't just expect everything to go back to normal after a situation like this, but it's just been so hard lately.

Kai barely talks which is strange considering he's usually joking around all the time. We stayed at the Salvatore's for a little while, but we came back to our apartment yesterday.

And it's still the same thing. Kai stays in our bedroom. He mopes around. I've even heard him crying a few times.

He only takes hugs and small kisses.

I feel horrible because I feel as if I can't do anything for him. I feel like I should be helping, not just hugging him. I mean, I've helped him take a shower a few times because he just couldn't, but I wouldn't necessarily call that helping. I only say that because I would take a shower with Kai anytime, and I don't feel like it's a task.

I don't exactly get how Kai feels, but in a way, I do. I felt horrible after I got my humanity back. Granted, Kai is worse without his humanity than I am, but I felt absolutely terrible when I finally processed what I had done when I got my emotions back.

I have experienced the moping part, though. Every time Kai has died, I have lost a part of me. It's horrible losing someone who means so much to you.

I just got home from seeing Bonnie, though I didn't spend long with her. I was going to stay with Kai, but he actually said something, and he insisted I go. I didn't want to be too long gone from him, though.

I turn into the parking lot and park near the front. I'm assuming that Kai will probably be asleep. I feel terrible that I can't do anything.

It hurts me.

I unlock the door, and I'm surprised when I hear music playing. When I set my bag down and walk further into our apartment, I'm even more surprised when I see Kai in the kitchen, cooking what seems to be... breakfast?

It's 7:00 p.m.

I can tell that my face is twisted in confusion. I stay frozen, not sure whether or not this is a dream.

Maybe if I slap myself, I'll find out.

He turns around, and when he sees me, he smiles. I don't know whether I should smile back, or back away slowly.

Kai decides that for me when he places the spatula he was holding down and walks over to me. He surprises me even more when he puts his hands on my waist and pulls me to his chest, kissing my head. I pull away slightly to look at his face, and the smile he has makes me forget my name.

He's looking at me like I'm his everything.

I finally smile back, and he lowers his head down and kisses me. He hands cup my cheeks as he pushes into the kiss. I find my hands tangling in his hair. Kai pulls away this time. I can see him bite his lip ever so slightly.

"I missed you. I missed this." He whispers.

"I missed you, too." I reply. Kai's eyebrows furrow for a second.

"I am so sorry for what I did. I get if you have some trouble forgiving me." He apologizes. I immediately shake my head.

"You don't get to apologize for something I caused. I made you turn it off. That is my fault, and I am going to stand by it. I'm not forgiving you because there is nothing to forgive. You were a pawn in everything, Kai. You don't get to act like everything is fucked up because of you when it's not. Give yourself a break for once." I scold.