(spencerreidxreader)

-4-

"Happy 2 months, babe" Matt pressed a sloppy kiss against your cheek. After that night when Spencer called him and explained everything things has seemed to go straight uphill, you and Matt had kept going out, Spencer remained your best friend and you hadn't had a single conflict since. Everything was going great. You wrapped your arms around Matt and pressed your head into his shoulder, you were standing in his apartment, it was a sleek modern one with floor to ceiling windows and sleek gray furniture, there weren't any overgrown plants or messy bookshelves and mismatched walls, it always felt a little unfriendly but Matt made it feel like home, at least a little bit like home. "Babe?" You forced a smile, you hated being called babe, it was so... so... you couldn't even find the words to describe why, the words just tasted sour in your mouth. "Y/N!?" You snapped your head up and looked into his icy grey eyes.

"Happy 61 days," you smiled, god, you sounded like Reid. He chuckled softly and pressed his lips against yours "I have a meeting in half an hour, but are we still on for dinner?" He nodded, kissing you again. It bothered you that he never asked before he kissed you, if you were in a good mood he assumed you wanted to be touched and kissed, when more often then not, you didn't want to be touched or kissed.. by him.
As you made your way out of his apartment you heard Matt say something and it wasn't until a full ten seconds later did it register with you.

"Have a good day, I love you." You turned around, looking at his face, trying to cover his worry.

"Have a good day." You muttered and you basically ran out the door, not breathing again until you were in your parking garage.

You didn't have a meeting, it was a Saturday but something in you just didn't want to be around Matt for the rest of the day, you wanted to be at home in your cozy and colorful apartment. You wanted to see Spence. As soon as you got him you changed out of your work clothes and into some sweat pants and a tank top, with your favorite grey cardigan that made you feel like a mom. You picked up your phone, you hadn't talked to Spence since yesterday afternoon 'please don't be away' you thought as you clicked on the phone icon under Spencer's contact 'please be home' you felt yourself clenching your fists as the phone rang, one ring, two rings, three rings..

"Y/N?" Spencer's voice wafted through the phone, soothing your mild panic. You sat on your bed letting the comforting silence fill the room. "Hello? Y/N?" you murmured a hello back "Y/N.. are you okay?"

"Spence are you in your apartment?" You felt your voice get a bit shaky. As soon as you heard him say yes you hung up and scrambled out of your flat and up the staff stairwell, Spencer was waiting for you when you opened the metal stairway doors, leaning against his doorframe "oh Spence," you practically threw yourself into his arms wrapping him in a warm embrace.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Spencer pulled you away from him putting his hands on your shoulders, holding you at an arms length away "Y/N.." that's when you started sobbing, covering your face with your hands. Spencer guided you to his couch, sitting you down and offering you a soft white blanket. "Did Matt do something? He didn't break up with you, did he?"

"No," you said through shaky sobs "he did the opposite, he told me.. he said- I love you." You watched as Spencer's eyes widened in disbelief. "I- I just left after he said it and drove straight home, Spencer, I've told you I love you, why can't I tell him-"

"telling someone you love them platonically is drastically different then telling your romantic partner you love them, and even then, it's only been what? two months, you didn't start telling me you loved me until six months ago." You watched as he settled down into a chair across from you, leaning forward, resting his forearms on his knees, he looked kind of funny all hunched over "statistically 89% of men say the L word within the first month, compared to a shy 23% of women. It's normal for you to not be ready to say it back, you don't have to worry."

"It's not just that Spence, I hate it when he calls me babe and when he kisses me constantly and just assumes I want to be touched and held, I HATE it when he touches me, even when I want to be touched, being touched by him feels wrong. I don't like it. Spence, I don't think I want to be with him- how.. how do I tell him. How do I know for sure?" You wiped your eyes. "Spence, we have a date tonight." You looked into his eyes, searching for an answer but you knew that he didn't have one. You had to deal with this alone.