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Thoughts

A few hours after all of the students of Hogwarts had left the building to go meet their families, you got tired and decided to go to bed. You held your favourite book in your hand and read it for a while, it was the best way to help you sleep. Finally, after you had felt that you had read enough, you put the book away safely and lay in bed. Shutting your eyes, you tried to fall asleep.

But to no avail. You couldn't sleep. You had tried for over an hour but sleep wasn't in your destiny tonight. Yet, you also didn't want to read anymore, all you wanted was to sleep but you couldn't even do that. You lay awake on your back and stared at the ceiling. The room definitely was much more quieter now that it was just you in the room. You could get used to it.

Different, and unusual thoughts came into your head as the night progressed. And, of course, Draco was one of them. A specific thought persistently popped into your head, one that had been in your mind for weeks, ever since it first happened. You thought about what Draco had said to you that day, the dreaded day when everything was revealed to you. When you were "passed out" in his arms, in the rain, and he was speaking to you. He never knew that you were awake while he spoke to you, so he didn't know what you heard. You only wished he had the confidence to say the same things he said to you that night, to your face.

'I can't express how sorry I am'
'I love you, I love you so much'
'Whenever it was, I had fallen madly and deeply in love with you'

These thoughts rushed through your mind like a tornado. Did he really mean what he said back there? Part of you thought it was sincere. But the other part of you is telling you not to trust him. He had lied to you before. And yet your heart still raced when you thought about how he listed all the moments he felt like he was in love with you. Nobody had ever talked about you like that. Especially not the Draco Malfoy. It had been months since you first started speaking to him and yet you still felt inferior. Like he was out of your league. And he was. He was much better than you in every way. You wouldn't ever have had a chance with him anyways. You should be considered lucky that he even pretended to like you.

'I don't know why you even liked me'

"I still do.." you whispered to yourself. A tear rolled down your cheek, since your thoughts were becoming very overwhelming for you. But the first step to overcome this, was to come to terms with your feelings. Yes, you still liked him. Even after all he did to you. But you couldn't help it. You didn't want to like him, but that's what your heart felt. You wanted to scream and shout at him, and hate him forever, but you just couldn't. Perhaps it was because you had created a bond with him, fake or not. He had told you so many things that nobody else knew about him. He confided in you. And, to you, it felt real. It all felt very, very real.

-

The next morning, you woke up groggily and realised you had slept in quite late today. Atleast you were able to sleep for longer now that it was the winter break. You crawled out of bed and walked to the bathroom, and noticed how puffy your eyes were from crying yourself to sleep last night. Quickly, you brushed your teeth, freshened up, and changed your clothes into something more warmer. It was still snowing, so you wanted to go and enjoy it.

You hopped down the empty staircase and walked into the great hall. Of course, it was completely empty, but it felt nice. You saw an elf, and asked if they could make hot chocolate for you, since you were the only person there. The elf came back with hot chocolate for you and you thanked them before leaving. You walked merrily to the courtyard and stood outside in the snow. After a snowfall, the world always seemed to be much quieter than usual. You loved the peaceful silence. You removed the snow from a bench and sat on it, trying to ignore the fact that the bench was absolutely freezing.