You Don't Know Me (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 33: Break

*LUKE'S POV*

I wake up in the morning. My naked body is pressed against Lacey's. I don't mind it, we're adults anyway so we can do whatever we want to. But then I realize something. We had sex last night and also 3 times before. Well the first time I raped her, but it also counts as a sex. Yeah, whatever. But I realize we didn't use condom just for once and I always came into her. Fuck. I run my hand through my hair. What if she'll be pregnant? I mean, yeah, I definitely want to have a baby with her, but definitely not now. I mean, we're going to marry soon, which is great, but it costs money. I got us an apartment and we need to work on it, because there's barely nothing in it. That also costs money. I'm leaving soon on tour with the band as an opening act for someone. I can't leave her here when she'll be pregnant. And the baby also costs money. Plus, if her dad would find out she's pregnant he would literally kill me. He hates me and I know that the fact that he agreed with the wedding was just because my parents and Lacey's mum talked to him. The only problem is, that it always happens so spontaneous.

Yes, always. The first time, when I raped her? Yeah, it was also spontaneous decision. I was at the party at Michael's house and then I just got an idea to go to Lacey's house. I just wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk to me. And then I started to think with my dick instead of my brain. And I didn't have any condom. So that's once. The second time it happened on the beach. I didn't plan this one as well. It just happened. Okay then. Since it wasn't planned, I didn't have the condom as well. Third it happened few nights ago back in my room. Okay, I admit that I have condoms in the table right next to my bed and I could use one, but I didn't think about it that time. It just happened so fast. And last night? That wasn't planned either. I didn't take the condoms with me, because I just thought... I don't even know what I thought.

Well, this is not about me. It's about her. If she would be pregnant now, her life would be destroyed. Because of me. Just because I'm not responsible enough. I suddenly feel the move next to me. I look on her and she's waking up. "Morning" I whisper into her ear. "Morning" she replies and turn herself on me. She smiles "what are you doing?" I ask. "Nothing" she shakes her head and put on her innocent look. This girl is definitely up to something. She puts her legs on each of my side, so now she's sitting on me. Well, it's more like sitting laying. She kisses me and I kiss her back. She starts to run her hands up and down my chest and I do the same thing on her back. She starts to move her lips to my earlobe and lightly bite on it. "Lacey" I try to stop her. "Yeah?" she asks as innocently as she can. "No, seriously. Lacey stop" I say and she stops. She looks into my eyes "what's wrong? Did I do something?" I shake my head. "No, I just. We can't do this."

*LACEY'S POV*

"What do you mean we can't? We did it last night and few times before. Why...?" he cuts me off. "Because I said so. I just can't." he says. "And what about last night? Last night you could?" I ask and pull away from him. "Lacey please" he begs. "No. Like when you want to have a sex so it's okay, but when I do, we can't? That's sick" I shout at him. "This is not about having sex" he rolls his eyes. "Then what is this about?" I'm still yelling at him. "It's about not using a protection. I just don't want to fuck up your life more than I did" like is he serious? "What? We didn't use it before and now you're playing the responsible one? Really?" I'm losing control. "I just realized it's not right. That's all." I refuse to listen to him. I start to put on my clothes. Now he wants to be responsible. Really? What's wrong with him? "I thought you're not doing the right things" I keep yelling at him, but he's still calm. "Well, maybe I should start" he says and I shake my head. "Yeah, maybe you should. But without me." I say and leave. I run down all the floors and walk out of the apartment house. I'm walking somewhere. I don't know where, but away from him.

*LUKE'S POV*

Fuck. She left. Again. What was that about? I want to run after her when I realize I'm still naked. 'Til I'll put on all of my clothes she'll be too far gone. I thought she'll be happy when I'll show her, I want to change myself for her. That I want to be a better person. I want to be good enough for her. I want to be a man who she really deserves. I would never think about she'll leave just because of such a stupid think like this. Fuck, I bang to the wall with the fist. And once more, then once again and again and again. I'm so angry. I'm so mad about I couldn't make her stay, about her that she yelled at me just because of such a stupid thing, about the fact she left. Once again. I keep to promise her I'll never leave her again or I'll never let her go again, but I always break all of these promises. I just can't keep it. Maybe we should take a break for a while.

*LACEY'S POV*

I'm slowly walking through the streets. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I'm going. I walking when I spot a park on the other side of the road. I cross the road and go there. I sit down under the big tree. I need to think about what just happened. I know I love him and I can't be without him, but I don't want him anymore at the same time. I think he changed too much. I just miss the old Luke. I miss when he didn't plan anything and everything what he did was so spontaneous. Now he plans the perfect dates and even the future. I am supposed to pick up the college now and not planning the wedding and thinking about living with my fiancée. I'm not even sure anymore if this is what I want. Maybe we should take a break for a while.