Loving Jemima

31. The silent treatment

Jemima

In a role reversal I was waiting for Max by the front door ready to escort him to his ADHD and tic assesment he was going on today. He was very wound up about it, he sat up late last night in our bed voicing his worries, spilling his little heart out to me, telling me how his mum dragged him so many places and tried so many experimental treatments and none of them worked and every time he felt like a failure. My heart broke when he finally settled snuggling into me whispering I don't want to fail anymore, not now I have you Emmy, I want to make you proud of me, I can't loose you, never leave me baby, I promise I'll try and do better, just don't give up on me like everyone else, I love you It was followed by puppy dog snoring coming from max so I knew he was well and truly zonco.

He found it so hard to settle to sleep, I felt guilty that he didn't want to take his sleep meds for two reasons both me, one he didn't want to take strong meds and not be there in the middle of the night if I needed him and two he didn't want sleeping pills in the house for obvious reasons even though I know Matty had mine still and had caught him red handed trying to blend them into my milkshake, I'd blown up at him big time. It took both Ed and Max to pin me down to stop me launching at him, I remember the look on Matty's face as I slipped into one of the worse flashbacks I'd ever had, where I completely lost my reality. When I came out of it I was being pinned to the floor by max, Ed, milo and Tom. Sandra and Ralph had appeared from somewhere and were comforting an inconsolable Matty.

I stood by the door waiting for max, looking at the faded finger marks on my forearm thinking about the incident. I remember being utterly confused and freaking out even more at the four boys pinning me down that I started screaming ear piercingly loudly, ranting in spanish at them, screaming for Peters help.

"Emmy, Emmy Baby, it's okay, I got you, it's max, I'm right here, come back please, it's not real, please baby, I'm right here...."
"Mate I think she's come out if it" milo looked me in the eyes I looked down at him pinning my thigh to the floor my eyes widening I looked at the other three in similar positions and panicked letting out an almighty scream "shit! Em, it's ok, it's not what you think, should I let go?" Milo was flustering asking no one in particular
"When I tell my Petey he's gonna rip you're fucking balls off you bastards!" I screamed at them in Spanish
"Baby we don't speak Spanish, it's okay it's me look it's your max." He smiled at me. I looked at his hands pinning my arm down then at him, he let go of one of his hands stroking my cheek, I took the opportunity to sink my teeth into his arm "ow ow ow fuck, Emmy, shit, ow. Somebody help me. shit, Emmy stop. It's me."
"Boys let go you're scaring her. She's disorientated and has four huge lugs pinning her down." Ralph took large strides kneeling down as the boys let go.

I scrambled up against the wall looking around confused "I'm here darling" Ralph opened his arms and knelt still waiting for me to make the first move, something he'd learnt from family therapy that he'd joined after a few sessions at the recommendation of the therapist. I scrambled over launching myself into his waiting arms that engulfed me instantly "shush I got you my beautiful girl, I got you, you're safe, take some deep breaths Jemima" Ralph rocked me and kissed my hair repeatedly. "I got you, daddy's here darling, I got you Jemima, daddies got you now, daddies going to keep you safe." He whispered quietly, Sandra smiling at him, I'd over heard him talking to Matty after a few beers telling him like he often did that he was his boy as much as Tom was, I'd presumed young Matty in our missing years needed the constant reassurance, I'd heard Matty accidentally call Sandra and Ralph mum and dad frequently, he looked guilty every time he did especially if I was there. This time though I'd heard Ralph tell Matty "she's my girl too Matty, I know she's your girl but I love that little whirlwind like she was my own same as I do you."