Loving Jemima

24. Family therapy

Jemima

A few weeks after my concussion and matty finding out about me and max it was time for family therapy to start up. I'd had started my one on one sessions with the new therapist and I was dreading starting the group sessions, the boys were nervous too, not that they would tell me, but I could tell. Max was was keen and thought it would help, he'd been trying to get me to open up to him like I had to William, but I had yet to do so. I was liking just being a new couple even if it was rocky still with Matty. I thought maybe that's why william left, because of what I'd told him and max was just the excuse he was looking for. I didn't want max to leave me too.

They all sat around the living room with Sandra, dotted around on various chairs, beanbags and cushions, Anne the new therapist sat with her papers on the table, notebook in hand and was reading over my last entry in the book she was making me keep about my nightmares. I lingered in the doorway until she told me to come join them, I looked at the boys then decided to go sit on the window sill ledge away from them all.

"So shall we start" Anne asked me, I didn't look at her, I just sat looking out the window holding my knees.
"Jem! Anne's talking to you!"
"Matty, that's not how this works, Jemima talks when she's ready to not when she's instructed to. If she doesn't want to speak she doesn't have to."
Matty apologised and I kept my eyes fixed outside watching a tree.
"Jemima do you want to tell us why you've chosen to sit by yourself?" Anne asked I shrugged "so we've discussed today's session haven't we Jemima, We're going to just talk through some topics that have come up in our sessions, do some exercises, Jemima if you're feeling comfortable we can share some of the work we've already done." I stayed looking at my tree hoping she wouldn't make me.

"So Matty would you like to start"
"Umm I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say" my brother nervously replied
"Well tell us, tell Jemima what your main concerns are, what do you hope to get out of these sessions for example, today's just about opening the dialogue. Taking that first step. Identifying priority areas. No right or wrong answers."
"Oh well, I guess I'm concerned about keeping her weight up, keeping the PTSD food avoidance under control. We need to tackle the malnutrition. I don't want her to get sick like she did before. We both haven't faced that this isn't going away, I'm not sure we know how to deal with the physiological side of what that entails. For both of us. I guess I'm hoping I'll get some tips and by doing these sessions she'll open up to me more so I can help her, I want to help her, desperately."

"Why do you think Jemima doesn't eat somedays."
"Well I don't know, I know she has flashbacks which is part of her PTSD but she won't tell me about them, the details, what she sees. I presume from what I understand about her condition is that she has memories linked to certain foods so she avoids them so she doesn't have a flashback. that's what I'd like her to open up about, what I'm hoping the end goal is here, i think having it out in the open will help her recovery. I think control is a big issue for her still?"
"Over what?"
"The food?"
I scoffed at him
"Jemima would you like to say Something?" Anne asked kindly trying to engage me
"No" I said not looking at her

"Tom how about you?"
"I'm concerned about Em's general mental health, I worry that we won't be there one day when she needs us. I want to know what to do when I see signs that things are slipping so I don't do the wrong thing and make it worse. She lives a very sheltered life, I'd like to help her branch out of this house once in a while. Make some friends even. All her friends are in England. We need to help Matty to feel confident enough to let her do that as well, I think that would have a positive knock on effect. He has major anxiety about her going out on her own."

"Ed?"
"The same, I think she pushes us away when she needs us the most and that concerns me. I want to be here for her but sometimes I just can't get through her wall. I'm hoping we can set up some kind of system that works for us as a family long term, learn Strategies we can use. We've got some but to be honest we've been winging it so far. They work for a while but I think we could be doing better, as a family unit. I'd like to see her leave this house more. On a personal note, we've had issues between us now I have a girlfriend, I want to work on that if it's possible. I know it's affecting her and I think it's all connected. I want her to know she's not loosing me now I have Laura. I don't think she believes me that it doesn't change things between us, that I'm not going anywhere."