90s Love

Chapter 32

It all got a little easier as the days went by. The girls were a huge help, and so were my siblings. Everyone helped me feel like I wasn't in this alone. And I made sure I was kept busy, so I didn't have to overthink or even think about the situation at all.

It was hard seeing him around school, that was for sure. We'd look at each other, but neither of us made moves to do anything more than that. I knew he missed me, I felt it in the way he looked at me. But it wasn't like a simple 'hi' would send me jumping back into his arms.

I knew better than to think that's how it all worked.

The only times I really allowed myself to feel all of the emotions I wanted was when I was alone at night in my room. I listened to Aaliyah's 'Age Ain't Nothing but a Number' album on low and stared at my ceiling, processing it all.

A knock on my door interrupted my somber evening ritual one night.

"Lemme talk to you for a second." Rashad suggested, making me look up at him. Shad took a seat at my desk, forcing me to sit up in bed, giving him my attention.

"Did I do something?" 

Out of all my siblings, the one who I had a slight distance from on an emotional level was Rashad. If I had to sit down and have a heart to heart with one of my siblings, Shad would be my last resort. He was my fun older brother who was annoying and someone I could joke with.

I could just tell by the vibe he brought with him in the room, this wasn't gonna be one of those times.

"Nah." He shook his head softly. "I just wanted to talk with you."

"Look, if it's about Quincy, Kelly already-"

"I know she talked to you. But I wanna talk to you." He stated. "I never thought I'd say this... but you taught me something Janae."

And there was the humor I was used to.

"What are you talking about?" I cracked a small smile, not taking him too serious.

"I've been talking to this chick- girl for a while. She's been wanting me to take shit more seriously and I'm just tryna figure out what's gonna happen after I graduate. So we'd talk on and off, this, that, and the other thing."

"So you lead her on." I concluded.

He was quick to deny. "I ain't that typa dude, Nae."

"But you are, Shad." I smiled, giving him a knowing look.

"Anyways." Shad ignored my words. "Coming to the house and seeing what Q did to you... that was hard. And it got me thinking how I might be making her feel, keeping it all on my terms like that."

"That hurts. When you feel like you have no control of a situation and you're attached to somebody like that."

"Yes. I know that, I knew that. I've just been stupid, I guess. And you made it real. Me and Calvin wanted to go jump the kid for hurting you and I'm out here acting like an asshole to somebody else."

Rashad had a charm to him. In high school he was a basketball star that acted like he was too cool for a relationship, and had girls who just wanted a chance. He carried over that mentality onto college where he just had the time of his life. And throughout those four years, this was the first time I heard him mention a real actual girl in a serious sense.

"Make it right with her." I encouraged.

"Only if you don't let niggas like me keep you down."

A smile came on my face. "Deal."