90s Love

Chapter 27

Ringing the doorbell, I waited patiently for the door to open. With all that the past couple of months have been giving me in terms of life, I felt like I needed to come clean. And I don't know why, but the first person that came to my mind to go to was Andre.

"Hey." He greeted with a smile. "Rocky's with her Ma at the mall." He informed me.

"Yeah, I know." I replied. "I actually wanted to talk. You got a minute?"

"Yeah, yeah." Andre opened the door wider, revealing his walker to me.

"Thanks." I walked inside, and the two of us settled in the living room, letting silence creep in and be our friend.

Knowing the amount of times I came and visited and checked up on him, deciding to have a conversation with him now shouldn't seem awkward, but it was.

"So what is this about?" He asked as he sat across from me.

"You remember when you had all this stuff happen to you and you said you'd do it again all the same way, and even if it was the same result you wouldn't care?" I reminded him. "Did you mean that?"

"A thousand percent." Dre nodded. "Of course, I wasn't the perfect kid to have around. But Rocky and her Ma put up with me and had faith in me. They love me, and I love them just the same. All I was doing was sticking up for that. I didn't do or say anything to get what I got, but I got it."

I nodded my head slowly. "You were tryna protect them and have their back."

"Exactly."

"But it cost you a lot Dre. You lost people. You lost the ability to be with people. Have people look at you like they used to."

I voiced my own fears in reference to him.
People were looking at me differently. Q was acting like he was ready to give up on me. And all I was tryna do was have everyone's back.

"You could look at it like that." He countered. "I used to look at it like that. No matter how positive I was or put onto be, I was angry, for fucking sure. But the people who really love you would stick around no matter what. Being in my position you really get to see people's hearts. I mean look at you. I used to think you were some annoying little friend Rocky had." I let out a laugh at that. "But you're one of the sweetest people who wouldn't hesitate to put someone else before yourself."

"Exactly." I nodded. He understood me.

"So, I'm assuming you're here to tell me what I was looking at when I saw you walking and talking with Nico a while back and hope I can keep a secret?" He gave me a knowing smile.

"Can you?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course I can."

And I just let it all out. I explained everything from the start, telling him how I was feeling and what I was thinking.  I just kept it as raw and honest as I could, not even realizing how much I was holding in until I was crying so much that I couldn't even talk right. But Andre silently supported and listened throughout the whole thing. Almost forgetting he was there until I felt a hand rubbing my back gently as I let out all my emotions.

"I thought I was doing the right thing." I managed to speak as I wiped my cheeks. "And now people are acting like they don't even know who I am anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore."

"Hey. You know who you are, stop." He told me. "You're Janae. The same one that cares about everyone around her, and that doesn't excuse you from being able to make mistakes."

"So I didn't do the right thing?"

"We both know this situation is all bad."

He was right.

"You handled it the way you thought how and not gonna lie, I probably would've did the same thing."

"Really?" I sniffled softly as I looked at him.

"Yeah." He smiled, wiping my cheek softly. "You know how I get down. I would've done it and had no regrets. But you do, and you and I are two different people. You'll carry some type of guilt around forever if you didn't get this off your chest. And you care, you care about what people think about you."

"Don't you?"

"I used to walk around this bitch drunk and high as a mother fucka. I threw up on Rocky's floor and watched her clean it. I don't give a shit about what niggas think about me." That made me smile.

"That's because you're a guy."

"And you're a 16 year old girl who's just tryna grow up and live life." He reminded me.

I wiped my face with my shirt before asking the question I really came to ask. "So what do I do?"

"You do whatever you gotta do to make you feel okay. You can't go back and change anything. You gotta be able to let this go and move on, knowing you did the best you could do. Whether you did that by talking to me or you gotta talk to somebody else, I don't know. But you gotta be able to cope with shit sometimes."

"How do you cope?" I couldn't help but wonder.

"I pray to God and I talk to my girl. I try and have a positive mindset. I take it day by day."

"You're doing a great job." I told him honestly.

He smiled. "Thank you."

"I should get out of here before Rock pulls up or Calvin doesn't feel like five bucks wasn't enough to not tell my parents I left the house." I managed to joke, getting up.

"I'll walk you out." He offered.

The two of us just got out of the house, standing together on his porch. "Thank you. For listening and being there for me."

"Thank you for coming to me and don't hesitate to come back whenever you need me."

I had to hug him for that one. "You are the strongest person I've ever met in my whole entire life." I whispered as I held him close. "Thank you."

"Just go out there and make me proud." He told me with a smile. "And start with him." He grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, showing me that we were being watched.

Quincy.