UNBROKEN

FORTY SIXTH INSTALMENT

Standing in the kitchen with a man I remembered from childhood, his eyes were grey as he asked "what are you too talking about?" I didn't look at Tracey "just chatting about you house and the kids Dad. How's that BBQ coming along". He seemed to accept this and walked outside. Tracey just looked at me with a look that was crossed between relief and fear for the what lay ahead when she got home. I walked over and said " it's OK if you ever need to talk in here".

We walked out the back and joined the boys and the kids. Just over my back fence lived Nicole Dickson (Bobby from the Australian TV show Home and Away). Dad said to Tracey's oldest child "got over there and yell out to bobby. Tell her I like Home and Away but Neighbors is better" everyone laughed but I had to step in Nicole was always nice to us and I didn't want her being disturbed.

The rest of the BBQ went well. Dad drank a lot of heavy beer so it started to go down hill. His act of Mr nice guy disappears when he has a drink yes just one does it. He yelled at Tracey because she didn't do something he wanted her to even though she didn't even get asked. Later that afternoon Tracey's young got a little upset and it was time to get her home to bed. Dad was not happy about going and he pointed that out clearly by yelling at Tracey and the kids. "It'll be ok Dad, we can catch up again soon. Ava is tired I am going to put her to bed anyway and I need to go and have a rest also" this seemed calm him. He hugged Ava, shook Grants hand then came to me and hugged me tight. We walked them to the car and they drove off.

A few weeks later I had a call from Tracey "Emily, your Dad has locked me and the kids out of the house. He is throwing things everywhere and is smashing everything, he's crazy!" Where the first words I heard. Tracey had gone to my aunties house to keep herself and the kids safe. I told her to call the police and not go back till they got him out.

A few hours later I heard a knock at the door. When I looked the to eye whole I saw it was Dad. Grant had taken Ava over to mums to help her with something around her house and mum loved having Ava there.

I opened the door and didn't let on that Tracey had called me "she's kicked me out Emily" dad said as he walked through the door. He was sober which was a surprise being that it was mid afternoon. I asked what had happened and he told me that Tracey called the Police for no reason, that she was lazy and her kids were terrible little brats. What he didn't know was that Tracey had called and told me the truth. I told him it would be ok. I went and made him a coffee.

Not long after he asked if I could take him to the shop because he wanted to get smokes and a six pack. "Dad you don't need to drink" he saw the look in my eyes as he had seen it before. He lent over and touched my knee "Slam, it's ok I'll only get a six pack". We got in the car and he started saying he had nowhere to go. "You can stay with us for a couple of weeks until you get on your feet" I said to him hoping this would make him feel better. No matter what he was my dad and he needed help so I wouldn't ignore that. He looked at me and out of the blue he said "I don't think we are going to get on". "Don't be silly it's only a couple of weeks dad we'll be fine" I replied. We didn't talk for the rest of the drive to the bottle shop or on the way back.

We finally got back to the house and I out Dads beer in the fridge. He took one and had a sip. "Slam!" He yelled out. I walked in and he patted the lounge next to him encouraging me to sit. I sat down "now it's time you hear about your Mother" he said menacingly. I stood up and looked at him "no you don't" I said sternly. "Yes you are going to hear what she is really like!" He said. These words cut me like a knife. "Don't even think about it! She has been my Mum and Dad all my life. She cared when you didn't, she held me when I hurt, she supported Barry and I and struggled all her life giving us the best she could" I paused and stared at him. I raised my arm and pointed to the door "there the door, leave and never ever come back again" I stood there pointed for some time before he started crying and got up and walked out. I walked behind him and closed the door and locked it behind him. I fell back against the door and crumbled to the ground. "Why! Why does this always happen. What can't thinks be normal" I said to myself through my tears. I sat there a while and got up. Wiped my eyes and looked through my front blind. There he was sitting on out brick fence, his hand is the palm of his hands crying. Well I wasn't that little girl that ran to her daddy all those years and put her arms around him and comforted him. This time I would not go out, I would not chase him. He had no right at all to say that. He sat there for hours waiting for me. I walked in to my room and stayed there until I heard our car. I looked out the front and he wasn't there.

I didn't tell Grant what had happened. I didn't want to ruin his mood and me being me I always bottle up my feelings especially pain.

A few weeks later when Grant was out I heard a car pull up across the road. I looked through the blind and saw a familiar face it was Steven driving. I couldn't see Jay. My heart raced, I didn't know which way to turn. I ran around locking all the windows and the back door. It was just Ava and I at home. I picked up the phone and called mum. She told me to hang up and call the police. I walked over to the window again a peeks outside. I saw Jay he was walking down the passenger side of Grants 4WD back towards Stevens car. He stopped at the side walk and spun around, he smiled and ran to the car and they drove off.

I called Grants work and told him what happened. He said he was on his way. I went in and grabbed Ava and held her until Grant arrived home, he had a couple of the boys with him. I told him exactly what had happened and he went out and quickly checked his 4WD. He came back and told me it was all ok.

"Emily we have to call the police" Grant said as he picked up the phone and called the station. They told us to come in straight away as the Sargent wanted to talk to us (he was the one aware of the situation).

We drove to the police station and the officer took us straight to the Sargent office as he was expecting us. He had my file on his desk and it was not small. I told him what had happened. When I had finished he looked straight at Grant "do you have a gun?" He asked. Grant looked down and said "no" but he really did. "Off the record, do you have a gun" the Sargent said. This time Grant admitted it. "Do you know how to use a fun?" He's asked me. "No I hate guns" I said. Whenever I thought if a fun I thought of what Nigel had done. Guns scare me, I know it's not the gun that kills people but people who do but I am still scared of them. " you need to teach her how to use it" the Sargent said whilst looking at me. "Now listen carefully to me." He paused making sure that I was listening "if he comes again let him inside, when he is inside yell out stop or I'll shoot! Then straight away shoot him then shoot the ceiling" I was shocked how could I hold a gun let alone use it. " ballistics can not tell the difference between shots if they are that close together. Make sure that the neighbors hear you yell it out as loud as you can". I didn't know what to say but I knew if it came down to it he would take my life and god knows what he would do to Ava.

We went home and Grant started teaching me how to put the gun together and load and unload it. I was crying a lot and must have looked a right mess but I couldn't help it. I was holding a weapon similar to what Nigel had that day.

That night I didn't sleep. Grant had to go I work. There was a knock at the door and it was Grants mate. It was Grants day to drive in to work. I kissed him goodbye and locked the door behind him. I walked in to our room and looked up in to the top shelf of our cupboard where that gun was hidden. I turned and walked out.

A few hours later I had a call. "Emily" I heard a shaken voice on the end of the phone, it was Grant. "What's wrong your scaring me" I said. "We where driving and the passenger side tire came off in peek hour traffic, I lost control of the car. We could have been killed!" Grant said. I froze and remembered what had happened to mums car. I was just as shaken and all I could say is "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault". Grant told me they were ok and not to blame myself. "Emily, let's go away for a little while. We can go and visit Mum and Dad on the farm." I answered yes straight away. Grant was coming home as soon as he could. He had called his work and told them the situation and they agreed to give him leave.

I called mum and told her what had happened and that we were going up the coast for a few weeks. I asked if she could just check my mail and when she did she had to bring Barry. I told her I would drop the keys over soon....