UNBROKEN

TWENTY SECOND INSTALMENT

On the drive home not much was said between Mum and myself. I remember looking out the window and thinking to myself how am I going to do this? I was also very angry that someone would think that I could just go and abort my baby or worst still carry it for nine months and give it away. I could not understand how anyone could do that. I know now that there are people that have done this and for good reason, but at the time I couldn't comprehend this or look outside the box as I was so head strong. My mind was racing all over the place.

We pulled in to the driveway and I again asked Mum not to say anything to anyone. She agreed and said " that's up to you Emily, but you are going to have to tell them". I went inside and not another word was said. Barry was in the lounge room, I looked at him as he watched the tv. I wasn't afraid of telling him and I really wanted too so I asked him if he could come with me and he did.

We sat I my bed and I looked at him and said " I'm having a baby". Barry didn't have any expression on his face but he similes and said "ok". I asked him not to say anything to anyone and he agreed also.

Barry over the years had hardened and he held his emotions close. Words that never left his mouth are Sorry and I love you. It's a bit said really but this is how he kept himself together. Barry was now 13 and going through a closed out stage. I worried about him all the time. He hated Arthur with a passion and at times he didn't like me, I think it may have been that I had moved out and not really kept in touch that much and I left him there to deal with Arthur all by himself.

I told Barry that I had thought about moving out and living with Jay now that I was pregnant and he just said " well that's up to you". So that night I called Jay and asked if we could talk.

Jay arrived after we had had some dinner. He knocked at the front door and no one else moved to open it. I opened the door and told mum we were going for a drive. Mum just said "don't be late, you've got school tomorrow".

We got to that car and Went for a drive. We ended up at the lookout. The lookout was on top of a hill just outside our town. Right below you was the river then lift your eyes and you see so many lights twinkling. This place used to make me smile. I would think it was magical thousands of fairies twinkling and spreading their fairy dust all over the town. Silly but that's how I felt about this place at the time.

When we first arrived we just sat there then Jay turned and looked at me "Emily, what did the doctor say" I told Jay what he had said. He then asked "what have you decided to do?" I turned side on towards the drivers seat and looked him in the eyes not knowing what to expect and said "Jay, I can't abort this baby and I can't carry it for 9 months and give it away. I want to keep it". He just looked at me and said "well I guess we are having a baby." He leant in and kissed me and smiled. We just sat there for a while not speaking just holding hands. Jay turned to me again and said "now that your pregnant you should move in with me" at this moment I had a tightening and stabbing pain go through my chest. I have had this before it is the feeling I get when I'm scared. I didn't respond. I know I told Barry I was probably going to move in with Jay but until this moment I really didn't know how I would feel. Fear ran through me from my head to my feet. This was real, I was having a baby at 15 and this guy wanted me to move in with him.

My childhood had disappeared in that instant. Jay got angry as I hadn't responded to what he had said. I looked at him and his eyes had turned grey again (I had come to learn when people's eyes change so does their mood and this was not a good thing). He leaned over and grab both my arms and squeezed them so tight "Emily this is my fucking child and you will be with me while your pregnant". I started to shake and said "Jay you're hurting me, let go of me". He lifted his hand and slapped me across the face so hard I felt my jaw click. I was confused and scared.